Your Love Is Like A Song
by tjmack1986
Summary: A set of random One-Shot Song-Fics. More story than song. Better than it sounds, I promise!
1. Heartbreak Warfare

Chapter One: Heartbreak Warfare

_Lightning strikes_

_Inside my chest to keep me up at night_

Shawn felt tears slip down his face. It had been three days since he had been completely honest with Juliet. So far she had been refusing his calls, and Psych had yet to be called onto any new cases. Part of him wished she'd either talk to him, or tell the Chief about all his lies. He just wanted it all to be over with. The pain that continually shoots through his chest is almost like an electric shock straight into his heart.

With a swipe of his hand, he wiped away the fresh tears. He closed his eyes, as the pain increased. Sniffling, he wondered for a moment if he might be having a heart attack. Nighttime was the worse. That was when everything would come back as fresh as it had been three days ago, and the conversation, his hesitation, and the pain so apparent on her face.

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><p><strong>Juliet placed a hand to her face, trying to ebb the fall of her tears. His eyes appeared cold. Heartless almost. He spoke the words that would break her heart into a million pieces, and he did it with a stone cold straight face. It made her wonder if his heart was made out of ice. She shivered, and knew the feeling to be that of shock. He had been lying. All these years. Six damn years, and he waited until the week before their wedding to tell her the truth. How could he not know that his words would hurt her? <strong>

"**Please. Just tell me that it's all a joke. That this is just you're weird way of having cold feet. Tell me that you haven't been lying to my face for six years."**

**Her eyes pleaded with his, and for one instant she saw his heartless mask drop. Behind that mask she saw a relentless fear. In that one instant she knew that what he said was the truth. He wasn't really a psychic. It was all just a ploy. She felt sick. It was her job to read people. To see their lies and call them on it. How could something like this get past her? She had known better than to mix business with pleasure. It had been something her mother had pounded into her head for years before she finally moved out on her own. **

"**I am sorry Jules." She grimaced. Not his nickname, she couldn't take it. It hurt too badly. "I wanted to tell you, and god...I tried to so many times. I had the conversation over and over with myself! It just...was never the right time."**

"**Not the right time! How hard is it Shawn?" she paused and glared at him. She was hurt, and she was pissed and right now at this moment she wanted nothing more than to smack that pitiful 'poor me' look right off his face. She pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment and counted to ten. Needing to calm herself down before she did something she would regret. "Was it really **_**that **_**hard Shawn? I think maybe you just enjoyed the fact that you had fooled me! I should have trusted Lassiter and believed him when he said that love just ended in heartache."**

"**Jules."**

**His voice was so low that she barely heard it, but it was enough. It was all she could take to be in the same room as him. Her heart was breaking into a million pieces, and seeing the hurt she felt reflected in his beautiful brown eyes broke her heart even more. The look on his face made her feel bad for being angry, but it was her god given right. He was the liar. It was his fault. **

"**Just...please let me explain. I didn't do this on purpose, there was a reason! Please Jules."**

"**No Shawn. Just go. Leave. I don't want to see you anymore. Oh and the wedding, if you can't tell. It's off." she paused as she yanked the beautiful ring off of her left hand. The engravement caught her eye, as a tear fell from her eye. **_**For my favorite, most beautiful junior detective. **_**Yeah. She fell for that line of bull. "Take this with you, because I sure as hell don't want it anymore." She threw the petite ring at Shawn, and saw that for the first time since the words slipped from his lips, a tear slip down his cheek. **

**It took everything in her to not comfort him. Bowing her head, she pointed toward the door. She didn't notice that he had gotten up, and didn't realize that he was gone until she heard the door shut quickly behind him. She was alone, and finally she let the tears fall. Her body shook with violent sobs. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and let her head fall forward against her knees and let the tears fall. **

**She wouldn't tell the Chief or Lassiter, at least not right away. Not for Shawn, but for Gus and Henry. They would go down with Shawn and his lie, and it wasn't fair for them to be in trouble for something that Shawn Spencer decided to do on his own. No. For now she'd keep quiet, but she won't work with him again, and she damn sure won't marry him now. That ship sailed when he decided to lie to the woman he **_**loved. **_

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><p><em>Dream of ways<em>

_To make you understand my pain_

Two hours later, Shawn's eyes drifted close and a soft sniffling snore drifted from his mouth. Juliet had done nothing but haunt his dreams that past three nights, and this night was no different. As always he was back in her apartment, but that was the only thing the same. It was always a different time of day, they were always doing something different. Sometimes he talked himself out of telling her, only for her to broach the subject herself. It always ended the same way, and he only wanted for her to realize how big a deal it was for him to tell her the truth, and how badly it had hurt him to keep such a large secret from her for so long.

As always, his eyes shot open only thirty minutes later. His eyes had started to burn earlier in the day due to lack of sleep. The purple bags under his eyes had only grown in size, and according to Gus, he appeared to look like a crack addict with bloodshot eyes. Sighing, he shifted and moved to the opposite side of the bed. Grabbing hold of the pillow, like he did every night, he inhaled her scent. The pain it caused was worse than just thinking about what had happened. He was starting to think that she didn't care about him anymore, and if that was the truth, it wouldn't surprise him.

He rubbed his eyes, as more water fell from them. This time it wasn't from crying, but from dryness. Overtly tired. Shawn had decided that he would just never sleep again. Sleeping only lead to dreams, which only lead to more heartbreak, and that only lead to him being even more exhausted than before. Rising from his bed, he stalked slowly toward the living room. He collapsed on the couch, and flipped on the television, hoping to find one of his favorite 80's movie on.

_Clouds of sulfur in the air_

_Bombs are falling everywhere_

_It's heartbreak warfare_

Shawn hadn't realized that he had drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep until he heard a light pounding on his front door. He glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that it was only seven-thirty. Standing up, and stretching for a moment before moving toward the door, and fear over took him. He half expected Lassiter to be on the other side of the door. After the very loud, slightly embarrassing conversation he had with the elder detective when they had first started to date. The look of utter disbelief and extreme embarrassment on Juliet's face had been slightly amusing.

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><p>"<strong>Spencer!"<strong>

**Shawn grinned as he turned to face Lassie. "Lassitude! My main man. What is cracking."**

**Lassiter placed a hand on his gun, hoping for Shawn to give him one good reason to draw his weapon. Scowling at the young man, Lassiter eyed the blond detective behind him. His eyes were instantly drawn to their interlocked hands. A sick feeling in the pit of his stomach made his trigger finger extra itchy. **

"**You hurt her. You harm one hair on her head, and I'll break you. Then I'll shoot you. It'll be fun, and it will be my best day."**

**Shawn tried to hide the fear that he currently felt. He squeezed Juliet's hand, and felt her squeeze back reassuringly. **

"**I would never harm my favorite little pumpkin doodle!"**

**He saw out of the corner of his eye, as her face turned a bright shade of red. **

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><p><em>Once you want it to begin,<em>

_No one really every wins_

_In heartbreak warfare_

Shawn opened the door, and a breath caught in his throat as his eyes caught the blue orbs of Juliet's. His mouth agape, he just stared at her for a moment. It was obvious that she too had not been sleeping. The purple bags under her eyes were apparent, and the frown she wore said that this was not going to be a fun conversation.

"Shawn..."

He recovered as quickly as he could, and moved out of the way so that she could enter his apartment. "Please come in."

She shook her head, pushing past him. She walked to the back of the couch, and let her shoulders hunch over for a moment. She had not expected him to look so...haggard. It was apparent that he hadn't sleep since they're argument, and from the looks of his apartment, he hadn't cleaned much either. Steeling herself, Juliet turned back toward Shawn. His eyes were red and puffy, with large purple bags underneath them. Not only had he not been sleeping, but from the looks of it, he had been crying as well.

"Can we talk?" She tried to keep her voice even. Part of her, a large part, was still beyond angry at him, and yet the smaller part was winning the inner debate.

"Of course Jules." She winced when he said her favorite nickname. He was the only person that had ever called her that, and he was the only one that she would _**allow **_to call her that.

_If you want more love,_

_why don't you say so?_

"Be honest with me. The whole...lying thing. Is that why you had become so distant the last few weeks?"

Shawn paused, as he opened and closed his mouth a few times. Had he done that? He hadn't even realized that he had been more distant. Though they both had particularly heavy case loads the past few weeks, but they had always done such a great job of juggling work and home time. It had been a rule that Juliet had enforced when Shawn had whined about not being able to spend enough time with her. Yet here she was claiming he had done the same thing. Then again, if it bothered her so badly, why hadn't she said something?

"I didn't mean to be distant. I didn't notice, why didn't you say something?"

He watched as her blue orbs clouded slightly, a single tear slipped from her eye, and he realized that she thought he was lying. Walking toward her, his arms outstretched, not to hug her but to put a comforting hand on her shoulder she stepped back, her back against the couch.

"Don't."

That single word tore a new hole in his heart, and felt his breathing increase. He was losing her, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

_Drop his name_

_Push it in and twist the knife again_

"You know what Shawn."

His head lifted up, when she started to speak again. Her vision was no longer cloudy, it was full of a mixture of anger and hurt. The mixture made his pain even worse. He had hurt her so badly, and that was never what he wanted.

"What, Jules?"

Her eyes fell to the floor, she couldn't look at him, not with what she was about to say.

"It's not fair. You hurting me like this, making me feel so _**helpless. **_I never once felt that way with Declan. He would have never hurt me like you did. _**Five**_ years Shawn."

Her eyes fell back onto his, and her breath caught in her throat as she watched him quickly wipe away a fresh batch of tears. She had always known that Declan was a sore subject for him, and she had only brought it out to hurt him. She knew she had, and now she had only hurt herself in the process.

"That's not fair Jules. You never once asked me what I was going to tell you that day that you went out with him."

Juliet's eyes widen only slightly. His voice cracked with unshed tears, and his words hit home. She never had brought it back up again. To be honest she had forgotten all about it. Her mouth bobbed open and then close a couple of times.

_Watch my face_

_As I pretend to feel no pain_

"I was going to tell you about my not being psychic. I know it was still five years of lying Jules, and I _**never **_wanted to hurt you. That was never my intention Juliet, but you never asked me _**why **_I did it. Maybe I didn't have a choice. Did you ever come to think of that?"

The pain that had been etched on his face only moments earlier was replaced with anger. How dare she throw Declan in his face. Yes, he had hurt her, but that was hitting below the belt. It was like this marry-go-round of blame wouldn't end. They both had done things that brought them to where it was that they currently were standing. Playing the blame game wouldn't fix anything, and yet Shawn was sick of feeling sorry for himself, and definitely was over feeling sorry for her.

"Why did you do it Shawn?"

Scowl formed on his face, and Juliet didn't like it. She liked the brilliant light in his eyes, and his playfulness. This hardened, hurt, angry Shawn was not the man she fell in love with, and she wasn't sure if he'd ever be that man again.

"I didn't have a choice. Lassie and his partner were going to throw me in jail for something I didn't do! I had called in tips, neither of them believed that I could figure out information from just watching the news. I would have been put in jail, then again you probably don't care about that. Speaking of, can you tell me before you tell the Chief, so I can warn my father and Gus? It would be a curtsey for them, not me."

"Shawn..."

_How come the only way to know how high you get me_

_is to see how far I fall_

"No Juliet. I'm done. I am exhausted, and I cannot handle this right now. Just go."

The anger that had been so apparent on his face disappeared only to be replaced with that haggard look from before.

"I have to get to work anyway. I'm coming back after work. We will finish this conversation."

Shawn didn't fight her, he didn't have the strength to. He just shook his head, as his hand rubbed the back of his neck. Something he became accustomed to doing when he was beyond exhausted. He watched her walk toward the door, she paused for a moment, looked over her shoulder. He could have swore he saw tears in her eyes, before she opened the door and left.

Walking back to the couch, Shawn sank down on it, his head in his hands. When had his life gotten so complicated? Why in the hell had he waited so long to tell her the truth. The pain in his chest dulled only slightly, though he chalked it up to exhaustion. He grabbed the throw pillow that Juliet had used to decorate his couch with, and laid down, pulling the afghan down around his body. If she was coming back later, he'd need at least a little sleep under his belt before she returned.

_I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight_

_Let's just fix this whole thing now_

Juliet came to his door, and heard no noise coming from within. Her heart sped up, and fear kicked in. Sifting through her keys, she landed on the one she wanted. Feeling relief that she hadn't returned his key just yet, she put it into the lock and twisted. Turning the door knob, she threw the door open. Walking swiftly into his apartment, she stopped in her tracks when she heard a light snore flow from the couch. Walking quietly over toward the small piece of furniture, she smiled softly at Shawn curled up on the couch. His hair was in complete disarray, and it was the single cutest thing she had ever seen. She walked back over to the door, and shut the door as quietly as she could.

"Mmmm. Jules?"

"Shawn."

He sat up, his hair sticking up in different directions. "Sorry, overslept." She watched as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"Where were we?"

"I was about to apologize for being such a tyrant earlier. I _**never **_should have brought up..." She let her sentence fall off. No need to say his name again. It'd only bring back, bad feelings.

"I never should have lied to you. I just...Chief Vick promised that if she ever found out that I was lying...she'd send me to prison...I wouldn't fair well in prison with this hair."

His mouth went agape when his hands felt his hair. "Don't worry Shawn...it's not _**that **_bad."

"It's worse."

Juliet felt a chuckle bubble up into her throat at the look on his face. "Let's go take care of it then."

She knew it would take time, and that they may never be the same people...the same couple that they had been prior to his big reveal, but in that instant she felt like maybe, just maybe they would make it after all.


	2. Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

**A/N: No reviews! How very sad and depressing :(. Oh well, onward, and forward. Remember, reviews do make me write faster. Want more updates, then review you're little hearts out!**

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><p>Chapter Two: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room<p>

_It's not a silly little moment,_

_It's not the storm before the calm._

Juliet watched Shawn enter the station. He was void of any emotion, and lacked the extra pep that was always in his step. His head was down, as if something interesting was on the floor. Lassiter had a spiteful smile on his face as Shawn turned the corner, and his eyes lifted only long enough to look at Juliet. In that short moment she saw a mixture of feelings in his beautiful hazel eyes. _**Pain**_, _**anger**_, _**frustration**_, _**longing**_, and back to _**pain**_. He fought against the mixed feelings and offered a small sad smile.

"So Spencer, what new little insult you have today?" It had actually appeared that Carlton had actually caught Shawn's snarky attitude. He knew full well that Shawn hadn't been himself lately, and that included the inability to insult and annoy Lassiter. Shawn smiled softly at him before patting his shoulder. The look of utter disbelief on Carlton's face brought a real smile to Juliet's face for the first time in weeks.

She had tried recently to remember why they had broken up, and yet she couldn't figure it out. It wasn't the absence of love, because she loved Shawn more than life itself, and she knew he still felt the same way. Even though his childish outlook on life could get under her skin on occasion, that wasn't the reason either. It didn't look like he wanted to be without her anymore than she wanted to be without him. The man before her had been haunting her dreams for the past few months. Sleep was a privilege that she had been learning to live without. Who needs sleep anyways?

_This is the deep and dying breath of_

_This love that we've been working on._

This was the part of the day that Shawn hated the most. The day that they had broken up was one of only thirty that Gus had been dreading. Along with everyone finding out that he was a fake. He had promised Gus that even though it would hurt at first, that he'd still take on cases from the SBPD so that they could still continue to pay the rent. The first week had been the hardest. Having to look at her, and pretending that neither one of them was in pain. It was brutal, and he had hoped that once that first week was over they'd be able to get past the awkward and at least be able to work together again.

That was two months ago, and yet it still felt just as raw today as it had the day it happened. Her words still haunted him to this day. He had made a mistake, and yet he hadn't even known he had made it.

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><p><strong>Shawn stood proudly as he stared at the frightened young woman who was bounded and gagged. Tears of joy streamed down her cheeks as she realized that she wasn't going to die. He smiled triumphantly, as yet again he had one upped Lassiter. <strong>

"**Told you!" The cocky grin that was on his face made Lassiter place a steady hand on his gun. Waiting for just the right moment to pull it on the pseudo-psychic. **

"**Okay Mr. Spencer. We've discussed this. We cannot just follow you're visions, no matter how right they may be. We have to follow protocol."**

**Shawn shook his head, his eyes drifted to the young woman that Juliet was currently working on untying. "She could have died because of protocol. I'm sorry Chief, but don't you think there are right times to break protocol and go with your gut?"**

**The chief stared at Shawn for a moment, a look of almost disbelief on her face. He was almost **_**never**_** serious, and yet when he was it always took her by surprise. **

**Shawn turned to check on the progress that Juliet was making with the rope when a pair of arms flung around his neck, and a pair of lips engulfed his. His eyes wide as he realized that the woman that was kissing him so passionately was not Juliet. She was not his girlfriend, not the woman he loved, and yet he couldn't stop himself from kissing this frightened woman back. Quickly, she was pried off of Shawn, and he saw the look on Juliet's face. His head hung, he knew that he was in trouble. That his relationship could very well be over. **

"**Jules, she surprised me!"**

"**You kissed her back Shawn! I stood there and watched you kiss her back. You could have done anything. Do you know how bad it hurts to watch another woman kiss the man you love? How would you have felt if it was the other way around?"**

**Shawn just stood there, his mouth bobbing open and closed a few times, unable to think of a response that didn't include words that were inappropriate. **

"**That's what I thought. Well, if you can't keep you're hands off other woman, then I guess that's it for us. I'm over it Shawn. The way you look at other woman, and you're flirty nature. I can't take it anymore."**

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><p>He had thought of just leaving at first, but then he saw the fearful look in Gus's eyes and decided that if anything, he had to stay here for his best friend. Gus needed him, and he'd never turn his back on him. Not on purpose anyway.<p>

_Can't seem to hold you like I want to_

_So I can feel you in my arms._

Juliet watched as Shawn sat down slowly in the chair beside her desk. It had always been his chair of choice when they weren't in a briefing, and she had never had the heart to move it. Even when she had been so angry with him. It took her a moment to realize that there were tears slipping down his cheeks. This worried her, Shawn had never been a crier. Then again, he had never been one to show his feelings as he had when he first walked in today either. Something was going on, and he was trying like hell to not tell her what was going on.

"Shawn..."

He looked at her, and her heart broke just a little bit at the lost look on his face. If she wasn't worried before, she was definitely worried now.

"Shawn, what's wrong?" Her words were soft, caring. He definitely looked like he needed a friend right now.

"It's Gus." He looked down and played with a loose button on his flannel shirt.

She gasped lightly before asking. "Shawn, is Gus okay?" Praying the next words out of his mouth would be 'yes Juliet he's fine.'

"Sort of... He... Kind of got engaged. It's why he hasn't been around to... you know help me out, and stuff."

Juliet tried to hide the thankful smile on her face, as she tried to figure out why news that would generally be happy and good news, seemed to be breaking her favorite psychic's heart.

"Isn't that good news Shawn?" His head snapped up, and a hurt expression was on his face. She had said something wrong, but what?

"No! I lost you, and now I'm losing Gus. I wonder why I'm even hanging around anymore. I should have just left after you broke my heart, but no. I stayed for Gus, and what did he do but stab me in the back!"

Juliet felt tears well in her eyes at his biting words. "Shawn... if we hadn't broken up would you be having this much trouble with Gus's engagement?"

She watched his eyes glaze over with new tears. "No...probably not. Yet it did happen, and now I have no one. Look, I just came by because he wanted you to know that the wedding is this weekend..."

There was something he wasn't saying, and yet part of her knew what it was that he wanted to say but couldn't bring himself to. She nodded, "Tell him I'll be there."

With that Shawn stood up and walked back toward the exit, before stopping and turning back. "You look nice Jules." His voice was barely above a whisper and she wasn't entirely sure that she had heard him right, until an almost Shawn-like smile played at the corners of his lips.

_Nobody's gonna come and save you,_

_We pulled too many false alarms._

Shawn looked at himself in the mirror and instantly hated what he saw. The white dress shirt clung to his body in a perfect sort of way, and the suit jacket hung just past his hips, and the buttons snapped with relative ease. The black slacks hung a little loose, and yet at the same time fit him perfectly. His usually perfectly molded hair was slicked back and parted off to the side. He had refused to wear the bow-tie that Gus said that he'd need to wear, and now argued quietly with himself as to how to get it tied.

This was the most dressed up he had ever been, and quite possibly the best he had ever looked. That wasn't what he hated, no. He hated the fact that at any moment he'd have to walk down the aisle to stand beside his best friend as he gave his heart and a ring to the woman that he loved. Was he angry at Gus for that? No, of course not. That would make him an awful best friend, and an awful best man. No, what angered him was the fact that it should be him.

Digging his hand into his pocket he fished out the wedding band for Denise. She was nice enough, and she was actually able to put up with him. It wasn't that Shawn disliked her, it was the fact that it should be him and Juliet at that alter. He should be telling her how he feels about her. How he can't stand to live another day without her in his arms, and yet here he was staring at himself in the mirror waiting to watch his best friend get married.

He felt his cell phone vibrate, and took it out to look at it. He opened the text message and read the message silently to himself.

_'Had to work today. Just now got done. Running late. Tell Gus I'll be there.' _

He erased the message just as Gus walked in. "Ready Shawn?"

He turned to face Gus, faked a smile. "Sure thing buddy. Oh, just got a text from Juliet. She's running late, but she said she'd be here."

Gus nodded, as he walked side by side with Shawn.

_We're going down,_

_And you can see it too._

Juliet looked around the small room. She couldn't believe that Burton Guster was officially married. A small smile crept to her lips, as her eyes landed on the pseudo-psychic that held her heart in his hands. He smiled back. His hair, which usually held that I just rolled out of bed but look fabulous anyway, was now parted off to one side, and slicked backward. His face void of any scruff, and the suit he wore was fitted to his body.

She watched as he stood up and walked toward her. She heard her heart accelerate at the sight of that lopsided grin, but as he got closer she saw that it didn't reach his eyes. At one point, it had been her favorite, and it had seemed like he only used it for her. He stood in front of her, giving her the once over before stooping down so that he was face to face with her.

"You look great Jules."

Her heart fluttered around inside her chest, and she wanted nothing more than to lean forward and press her lips to his. That was no longer an option. She had lost the chance to do that when their relationship had ended.

"Thanks Shawn. You look mighty spiffy as well." He smiled, this time it was more genuine.

"Well Gus told me that I had to wear a suit..." he paused his head bowed forward, "and comb my hair. Apparently it's not becoming of a 'young man' to have 'bed head'."

Juliet stifled a chuckle as she placed a playful hand on Shawn's arm.

"I tried to tell him not to be spoiled milk in a child's cereal but apparently that just made things worse. I never lose these arguments, but I acknowledged that today was his day, and gave in. Though technically I thought that the wedding _day_ is supposed to be for the girl, and the wedding _night _is for the guy." He paused as he shrugged "Then again, Gus has always been slightly different than most guys."

_We're going down,_

_And you know that we're doomed._

_My dear,_

_We're slow dancing in a burning room._

Juliet shook her head, and wished that he'd ask her to dance. She just wanted to feel his capable arms around her waist, and be able to put her head on his shoulder and take in his unusual smell.

"So...would you like to dance with me Jules?"

A small smile pulled at the corners of his lips, and she sent up a thank you for someone making her wish come true.

"Of course."

She placed her hand in Shawn's as he lead her to the dance floor. Gus smiled at her, and out of the corner of her eye she saw him wink at Shawn. She felt her heart race as he put a hand on her lower back. She smiled up at him, placing her free hand on his chest and leaning forward. Her head lay comfortably against his shoulder, as he swayed them back and forth, making small circles on the dance floor. She sighed contently, and wondered if their lives would have been like this if they hadn't broken up.


	3. Jar of Hearts

**A/N: Okay, first of all, warning this chapter is slightly depressing. Now, I'm pretty sure that this is not my best work, but there are parts of it that I am absolutely in love with. So just ignore all the sucky parts please. Also, as far as spoilers go, An Evening With Mr. Yang, the ending is explained in extremely deep detail. Also, I tried to watch the scene and keep the dialogue word for word. If I messed up, I apologize. I know that this is the THIRD break-up song that I've used in a row. The next one will not be quite so depressing. REVIEWS make me happy, so please review. **

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><p>Chapter Three: Jar of Hearts<p>

_No, I can't take one more step towards you_

'_Cause all that's waiting is regret_

Juliet stared headlong at the only man she had ever been _**in love **_with. Sure there had been other guys, plenty of them. Sure she had feelings for them, she cared about them, but she had never _**loved**_ any of them. At least not like she did Shawn Spencer. His quirkiness, was both endearing and loveable, his smile could warm the heart of anyone, well expect for her partner. However, it was those eyes that had trapped her. They're like a window into his soul. More often than not they were a liquid hazel, with green around the edges. Other times, they seemed to almost solidify right before her eyes. Generally that only happened when he was scared or angry.

He was also the only man to ever break her heart. He smiled at her, and she felt the healing cracks of her heart start to break again. She had been completely honest with him. Bared her soul to him, and he turned her down. Even though she could see the hurt, the devastation on his face, it still felt like he had humiliated her. Even though she knew that nobody else knew about what happened inside that theater besides the two of them, it felt like everyone was sending pity toward her.

Had he told someone else? Was her humiliation not bad enough with just him knowing how she felt? She forced herself to look away. There was no way she was going to approach him. No way was she going to talk to him. Because deep down, she knew she'd regret it in the morning.

_Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore_

_You lost the love I loved the most_

Sitting down, she pulled a random file from the stack on her desk. It was the only way she knew to keep him at bay, at least for now. Deep down she knew she'd eventually have to talk to him again, but for now she'd settle for steering clear. He'd hurt her badly, even if he didn't know it.

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><p><strong>Juliet entered the building, and tried to fight against the butterflies that fluttered inside of stomach. She watched as Shawn shoved a straw into a cup, and looked up. <strong>

"**Jules, what are you doing here?" She saw a smile tug at the edge of his lips. Her stomach flipped flopped. "And what I mean by that is who is going to fit Mr. Yang with her straight jacket, and iron mask with face grill?"**

**Fighting against the queasy, uneasy feeling in her stomach she forced a small smile. "Something tells me there is an entire precinct of people bidding on that job right now."**

**She watched as he, himself looked a bit uneasy. Then again after what he'd been through and what he had just accomplished, who wouldn't be a little uneasy. He leaned over his tray of snack food, and grabbed for something. "Can I interest you in a delicious neco-wafer?"**

**It was now or never. If she hesitated one more second she'd never go through with it, and there was nothing that she ever wanted to do quite so badly, except maybe be an officer. "Shawn can you just not talk for a couple of seconds?" **

**He looked up as he grabbed his tray of snacks, a worried expression on his face. He had always been good at hiding his feelings, except for when it came for her. "Look, I just wanted to tell you. What you did today, I mean I can't imagine being able to function at that level, while your mom was, you know. I am a clearly not as good at words, like you are. And ummm...I know that things between us has been...a little complicated." She paused, the expression on his face was so endearing. Slightly clueless, with a hint of worry. "And I know that there has probably been some mixed signals, mostly from me. With regards of the time we spent together outside of the line of duty."**

**His eyes closed as he shook his head. "Look Jules."**

**Gesturing with her hands, Juliet interrupted him. "Please just let me finish stumbling through this. I'm almost finished I promise." Pausing she takes a breath. "What I'm saying, what I'm thinking is that maybe sometimes, the best things. The richest things. They aren't supposed to come easily. And that sometimes the moments that make the most sense, happen when everything else doesn't. And well," she paused, moving the tray of snacks from his hands back to the table upon which it had previously been sitting. "I think you deserve more than popcorn tonight." Breathing deeply, she moved in ever so slightly closer to him, "So why don't you let me take you to dinner."**

**Shaking his head, the smallest of smiles played at the edges of his lips. "Detective O'Hara, are you asking me out on a date?"**

**Staring into his eyes, she shook her head. "I am. A proper one."**

**This time the smile did more than play at the edges, as the left side of his mouth twitched up in a smile. "Wow." He breathed out a laugh, shaking his head. "I cannot believe this." She breathed out her own bubbly laugh. "All this time, and." Another small laugh, almost like a scoff. "You're timing is just awful." That gorgeous, weak in the knees, smile plastered on his lips, as Juliet felt her insides start to shake. **

**The smile that had been over so present on her lips disappeared into a look of unbelief. "It is?"**

"**Yeah. Just dreadful." Still smiling, and she realized now that it was in a self-deprecating type of way. **

**Confusion lit up her features. "What?"**

**The smile disappeared. "I can't go to dinner with you Jules. I'm already on a date."**

**Still with a confused look. "You are...what here?"**

"**Yeah, right now...it's weird. Yeah...with Abigail."**

**Realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She felt like an idiot. "The one that got away."**

"**Yeah."**

**Without another thought, she leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to his cheek, and as she pulled away, she ran her thumb over his cheek. His eyes were closed, "Get out there." His eyes opened, as a look of honest confusion lit his features. "She's not going to wait forever." She turned to walk away. His hand grazed against his cheek, the place that she had kissed still tingled. **

"**Jules." She turned back. He shook his head as he spoke. "I am so sorry." She felt a rise of hope, that maybe he had changed his mind. "For snapping at you earlier." Hope immediately deflated. **

"**I know." She was defeated. Her heart was breaking. He was going to go out, and possibly home with another girl tonight, and there was nothing that she could do about it now. Her always fragile heart was broken. She offered him one last sad smile before walking away.**

* * *

><p>Looking up again, she saw that his eyes were glued to her. She felt the familiar shiver run the length of her spine. Yes, she definitely was still in love with him.<p>

_I learned to live, half alive_

_And now you want me one more time_

She watched as he started to move toward her. If she stood up, she had enough time to escape him, and yet it would draw attention to her. That was the last thing she needed. So instead, she placed a fake smile upon her lips.

"Hey Jules..." She saw the look in his eyes, and knew that he saw right through her smile. She was caught, and yet he was the only one that could see it. The only that could see the pain and hurt she was suffering through alone.

"Yeah Shawn." She'd fake it. It was the only thing she could do.

"Can we go somewhere to talk?" The question was innocent enough for prying ears, but she knew the deeper meaning to his words. The wound was far too fresh, and she couldn't deal with it right now. She wouldn't.

Shaking her head, she let her eyes drift down to the pile of paperwork in front of her. "No time Shawn. Sorry." She patted the files on her desk for good measure. Now was not the time for tortured what if's. Even if what happened had hurt him, he still had someone to spend his nights with, and she had no one. Well, not no one. She had her cats, but even they were sick of hearing about Shawn.

"Okay. Maybe later then." She saw a sad smile pull up the edge of his lips, and she felt a pang of guilt.

_Who do you think you are?_

_Runnin' 'round leaving scars_

Juliet unlocked the door to her apartment, and opened it with her only free hand. Upon walking in, she sat the lone bag down on the counter. It's contents were small. A single pint of ice cream, and a pineapple smoothie. Shawn had gotten her addicted. She heard a noise from the living room. It sounded almost like a sniffle. Grabbing her gun, she edged herself into the living room before flicking on the light. Shawn looked up, a redness in his eyes. He stood up, as his usual lopsided grin flashed at her.

"You're home, and is that pineapple I smell?" Try as she might, Juliet smiled.

"Yes. It's a smoothie. You've made me an addict." His hands were shoved deep into his pockets.

"Ah, I see. Well I'd saw that we should get you into PA, pineapple annoymounus. But it would be a crime if you became...unaddicted..." He sighed, as a hand swiped through his hair. "This isn't right."

He looked up, and she saw on his face, what she was currently feeling. This was forced, it wasn't right. She motioned for him to follow her. Upon his entrance into the kitchen, she handed him the smoothie.

"Jules..I can't..." She sighed and shook her head.

_Collecting your jar of hearts_

_And tearing love apart_

"What I mean is...I can't hide this from you anymore. I..uh...I broke up with Abigail.." He looked up and she saw pain in his expression.

"Why'd you do that?" Hope, once again reared it's ugly little head. She tried to beat it back down, and yet it stood it's ground.

"Because it didn't feel..._**right**_." Juliet gasped as she realized that this is the most serious she'd seen him, at least in conversation. The intense set of his face took her breath away. "It felt..._**forced**_. At least on my end. I think I hurt her." He stopped, placing the smoothie on her counter. She saw tears form at the edge of his eyes. "It's never what I wanted Jules. I never wanted anyone to get hurt." He shook his head, as that self-deprecating smile crossed his lips. "She threw things." To which he pointed at a band-aid on his forehead. "Sometimes they connected. I don't blame her though. In the same position, I probably would have too...well maybe not, but.." he sighed, as he let his sentence fall short. "I broke her heart."

_You're gonna catch a cold_

_From the ice inside your soul_

Juliet felt tears pool, threatening to fall. "It should have hurt me, to know that I hurt her. Well, I mean, it did. A little. I'm not heartless. There's no way not to feel _**something**_, when someone you care about is crying, but it was nothing..." He paused again, his fingers playing with the zipper on his jacket. "It was nothing compared to the utter devastation I felt when I looked in your eyes that night and saw the anguish you were trying so desperately to hide. It broke me Jules..."

She felt her heart leap, as she realized that he had broken up with Abigail for her. Her pain, had caused him pain, and that thought hurt her. Part of her couldn't understand why they were hurting each other when they obviously cared so deeply for each other. His hand snaked out, and grabbed a hold of hers, as he moved slightly closer to her.

"What I'm trying to say is, I think you deserve more than half melted ice cream tonight Jules."

She fought the smile that wanted to tug at the corners of her lips, and beat down the fluttering sensations in her chest. "Shawn Spencer, are you asking me out on a date?"

He smiled at her, "I am. A proper one."

She sighed, it wasn't a happy sound, but it wasn't an pained sound either. It was one of confusion. Her heart was telling her to go for it, while her head was telling her to tell him to leave. The confliction caused her to pause, his smile faltered. "Is there nothing I can do to fix this?" The pain evident in his voice broke her heart.

_So don't come back for me_

_Who do you think you are?_

She wanted nothing more than to tell him that he just had, but she couldn't make her voice work. She couldn't move, she couldn't blink. She couldn't do a thing, but stare at him. It was then that she realized, they had missed their chance. She had waited to long to make a move, and now they're time was gone. The realization caused a few tears to fall down her cheeks. Using his thumb, he caught them and wiped them away.

"I'm sorry Shawn. No there isn't. We waited too long, and we...just missed it. Maybe...later on down the road. Possibly, but right now. No."

He shook his head, trying to mask the pain evident on his face, as he turned to leave. As soon as the door shut, Juliet turned toward the untouched pineapple smoothie. The calm facade she had been trying so hard to keep a hold on, broke right then, and she slid down to the floor as tears spilled down her cheeks.


	4. Beside You

**A/N: Well as promised, a non-breakup one. Though this one has about the same amount of angst...just in a much different way. Should also point it, that it's slightly AU, and has spoilers for Mr. Yin Presents, and Mr. Yang in 3D. If you squint real hard, you'll see the intertwined fluff. **

* * *

><p>Chapter Four: Beside You<p>

_When your tears are spent on your last pretense_

_And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense _

Juliet felt the tears cease, if only slightly. Two days. It had been two long horrifyingly long days since Mr. Yin had taken her. Two days since she had last seen Shawn, and two days since she had last slept. Fear kept her going, along with the seemingly never ending supply of caffeine. If she had it her way she wouldn't sleep again. Then again, the nightmares came with or without sleep. The noises, as slight and nature as they were, made her jump. The lights never went out, afraid that if she was alone in the dark for too long that he might appear again.

After she had cried herself out on her partner's shoulder a mere two days earlier, she had thought she'd be fine. She'd get up and dust herself off. Get back to work. Everything would be fine. Yet they weren't. She was terrified of everything, and she hated feeling like that. Like a defenseless girl, when she was very much the opposite. She'd never been the damsel in distress type of girl. She had always known how to take care of herself. How to handle herself, and yet here she was crying, fearful that he might return for her.

Sighing, she knew what she really needed, but refused to say the words out loud. She needed Shawn. His carefree nature, and incessant need to make her laugh at all costs. More so, she needed his kind heart, the best part of him, and yet the thing he hid the most. No one, except maybe Gus, had seen that other side of Shawn. The kind, caring, need to be there for you, guy. A small smile broke through the tears at just the thought of Shawn hugging her, holding her. Telling her that everything would be okay. That was what she needed the most. Well that, and a good night's sleep, but she didn't see either of those things happening.

_When it's in your spine, like you've walked for miles_

_And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while_

Juliet stood just outside her bedroom. Her eyes staring straight at her bed, her body longing just to lay down on it. If only for a little while. Just to rest her burning eyes. She closed her eyes for a moment, a defeated sigh left her mouth at the sound of the doorbell. Glancing at her watch, and at the door.

"Who could that be?" She mumbled aloud, as she walked slowly toward the door.

A thought entered her mind as she realized that it was far too late for anyone she knew to be there. She grabbed the gun she had placed on her counter-top two days earlier, and edged herself closer and closer to the door. Once she was close enough she peeked through the peep hole and fought against the smile that tried to fight it's way onto her tired lips. Dropping the gun to the ground and throwing the door open, Juliet crashed into Shawn's unsuspecting arms.

"What are you doing here?"

She didn't stop to think about anything else. The fact that Abigail had only just broken up with him two days earlier, or the fact that both her and Abigail had almost died at the hands of a madman. Nothing other than the fact that she needed to feel his arms around her, entered her mind.

"The spirits told me that you needed me. Jules, are you alright."

The weariness of his voice brought her back to the present, and she lifted her head only enough to look into his eyes. They were bloodshot, and probably looked exactly like her own. He too, had not been sleeping.

_And if your heart wears thin,_

_I will hold you up_

_And I will hide you when it gets too much_

"I wish I could say yes...but that would be a lie." She knew he'd see through it anyway. The burning of her eyes told her that they were probably bloodshot from lack of sleep.

He shook his head, his arms still very much around her as he moved them both into her apartment and shut the door. "You haven't been sleeping Jules."

She sighed contently, her head back against his chest. The thumping of his heart seemed to calm her. "Neither have you."

It was really more of a statement, and yet Shawn felt the need to answer a question she hadn't really asked. "No. I haven't. I was worried about you."

There, he had said it. Even after he had saved Abigail, as she was breaking up with him. As he was practically begging her to stay, all he could think about was how he wasn't there for Juliet. He knew he had made the correct choice. It was the only way that they would win at Mr. Yin's sick game, and yet he couldn't help the way his heart had broken when he showed up at the precinct the next day and Juliet's desk was devoid of her usual bubbly self.

He felt her relax more as he rubbed soothing circles on her back. "I went to the station yesterday. I felt..almost panicked when I didn't see you there..."

"Chief told me to take a few days off. I need time to really...deal with everything." She looked up as she spoke and she saw what he was talking about. The fear, doubt, and worry that was painfully etched on his beautiful face. His eyes scrunched in what appeared to be a constant state of worry. "I'm fine physically Shawn...just having some problems dealing...emotionally."

He shook his head, as he unwound his arms from around her frame. Fear struck her face, and he smiled softly. "Mind if we sit down? I'm sort of beat." She shook her head, as her hand extended toward his and tugged on it making him follow her.

_I'll be right beside you_

_I'll be right beside you _

Once they were seated comfortably on Juliet's couch. One of his hands went to her cheek. His thumb massaged against her skin, as a tear slipped from his eye. "I am so sorry Jules..."

"Why?"

He shook his head, as he fought off more tears that had welled up in his eyes. Seeing her so scared broke his heart, and made him wonder why he had waited so long to come visit her. "Because I wasn't there for you Jules. I should have been!"

She shook her head, and put her hand against the one on her cheek. "No. You did the right thing Shawn. Know that. Embrace that, Shawn. Not only did you do what needed to be done, but you did something that no one else probably could have. You played his sick game, and you won."

A self-deprecating smile formed on his lips. "No I didn't. I mean, yeah I saved you, and Abby, but I saw him. I could have touched him Jules. I could have caught him, but I jumped into the water to save Abby." The look of utter hate was on his face, and she realized that it was for himself. He hated himself.

"Don't do that to yourself Shawn. Do not sell yourself short! You did the unthinkable. You saved both of our lives. It's more than anyone could have asked for, and you did it. I'm alive, and so is Abigail. If you would have gone after him, then Abigail would have died, and I know that you do not want that on your conscious."

He shook his head, as she wrapped his hand in hers and squeezed lightly. "I'm here for you Shawn. Always. Right here beside you."

A small smile played at the edge of his lips, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm here for you too Jules. Always. Right here beside you."

_When you try to speak, but you make no sound_

_And the words you want are out of reach, but they've never been so loud _

She followed Lassiter through the house, and waited at the door as he kicked it in. Shawn and Gus were zip-tied to a chair. Mr. Yin was dead on the chair in front of them, and Yang was standing over his dead body. Her eyes were drawn straight to Shawn though. Fear was etched on his face, and it brought her back to the night he visited her after the first Mr. Yin attack. She ran to Shawn's side, as Lassiter undid the ties around Gus's arms.

She wanted to run her fingers through his hair. Kiss him, and tell him that he was safe, but there were too many people around. Too many bystanders. He bobbed his mouth open and close a few times. No words ever escaped his lips. The fear still very apparent in his eyes, but something else was there too? Was it gratitude? No. It was love. She fought against the smile that wanted to cross her lips. Even though he hadn't spoken the words out loud, seeing that look in his eyes made her heart skip a beat and her knees weaken. He loved her, and she loved him as well.

_And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up_

_And I will hide you when it gets too much_

Juliet wondered around her apartment. Her eyes always glancing nonchalantly at her watch. Shawn should have been here by now. Worry was now pounding inside her chest, as the door slid open. He didn't utter a word as he juggled the two containers of pancakes, and what she could only assume to be pineapple smoothies. Though she had never been big on the taste of pineapple before she met Shawn, she had grown to love it's fruity taste. She walked toward him,and grabbed the two containers and sat them down on her kitchen table before turning back toward Shawn. He was still silent, and that was not like him.

"Talk to me." Her hands enclosed around his. She brought them to her lips and placed a kiss on them.

"I was so scared Jules." His eyes were wide, and she could tell that he wasn't seeing her. Not right now. He was back in that room with Gus. Back in that room with Yin. "It's over Shawn. To quote your words earlier, '_**we did it.**_' He's dead, and he is never going to kill or hurt another person."

He shook his head, a sad smile on his lips. "First you...now Gus. I could have lost both of you, and it's all my fault." She saw the smile falter on his lips as a tear slipped down his cheek.

"But you didn't. I am here." she paused as she placed his hand on her chest, right over her heart. "Gus is here. We didn't die, and it's because of you. Whether or not you wanted it Shawn, you are a hero. I know that you're my hero..."

"I'm nobody's hero Jules. I just get lucky a bunch, and if it hadn't been for Yang, then me and Gus both would have died. He was going to inject something into Gus, and make me watch him die. I cannot get Gus's fear out of my head, all while telling me that it wasn't my fault! He was afraid that he was going to die, and told me that it wasn't my fault. It damn well was my fault Jules. I almost got my best friend killed." With that, the tears were flowing freely down his cheeks.

Juliet wrapped an arm around him, as she lead him to the couch and had him sit down. Deja vu flowed through her, as the last Yin attack brought back her very own fear. She couldn't give into it, not when Shawn needed her. "You didn't almost do anything Shawn. Yes, he targeted you, but it's not your fault that he did. It's not like you held up a giant sign that said '_**sick psychopaths welcome**_'. This brought a small smile to his lips. "A joke Jules?" His eyebrow quirked. He leaned into her, and placed a kiss on her forehead.

_I'll be right beside you_

_I'll be right beside you_

Shawn smiled into her hair, inhaling her familiar scent. She always made him feel calm, and from what she had told him, he did the same for her.

"I'm here for you Jules. Always. Right here beside you." The familiar words brought a smile to her face, as her hand reached up and stroked his cheek.

"I'm here for you too Shawn. Always. Right here beside you." She felt him place a kiss on the top of her head. "Good, now let's eat some pancakes. Besides, that pineapple smoothie is really just sitting there going to waste." She smiled as _**her **_Shawn returned.


	5. Terrified

**A/N: Wait a second...a full on fluffy chapter...from me? Apparently it is possible...Now I am going to say just a few things. A.) I am by no means a fluff writer. I am just not that good at it. I fully enjoy writing lots of angst that may or may not end with fluff, however, I do not generally write plan out fluff. Though on occassion I will be stricken by my muse to write a fluff piece. B.) When I do write a fluff piece, please enjoy it, because generally I will not write them : I absolutely adore this song, even if it did make me write fluff *smiles* If you haven't heard, I beg you...give it a listen. Song is by Katherine McPhee Featuring Zachary Levi (for any of those Psych fans that also watches Chuck). Now, I'm done rambling. Enjoy this update, and I am literally begging you. REVIEW. It's like food to me...I need it to keep my muse alive! (that's probably a little dramatic, but hey, if it works, then dramatic I shall be!)**

**Oh lied, one last thing...the first part (above the line break) Jules side, (after the line break) Shawn's side. Just in case you get confused :)  
><strong>

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><p>Chapter Five: Terrified<p>

_You by the light_

_Is the greatest find_

The wind blew with a quiet intensity. The waves crashed against the shore, and the sky was a bright blue. The sun shone straight onto the man sitting next to her. Shawn's head turned slightly, taking in the view of the ocean at work, and the sun sat his profile ablaze. Her breath caught in her throat. She had seen his face numerous times, and while he was quite handsome in his own right. The way that the sun settled on his face made her realize just how beautiful the _**features **_of his face were. His taunt jawline that curved ever so slightly. The way that his barely there scruff glistened in the light. Yet the most breath-taking part of all of this was the way that the sun made his eyes glow an almost honey color. The green seemed to almost all but disappear, except around the edges.

Juliet knew that she was staring at him, and yet she didn't feel as if she could stop. A smile that tugged at the edges of her lips. She felt a warming sensation in her heart, and butterflies in her stomach. She knew what the feeling meant, and even as she stared at the man sitting next to her, she fought against those feelings with everything in her. There was no way that she was in love with Shawn Spencer. Not that it would be a hard thing to do. Fall in love with him. It was more that she'd be breaking a promise that she made with herself a long time ago.

_In a world full wrong you're the thing that's right_

_Finally made it through the lonely to the other side_

Though, Shawn was unlike any of the other guys she had ever dated, she still didn't quite trust him with her heart. Not fully. There was something that screamed at her that he'd break her heart. Maybe not in the same way as all the other guys had, but it all hurt just the same way. Right?

She sighed contently as he took her hand. It seemed as if their hands melded together perfectly. It was in moments like this that she could forget about all the horrible things that she has seen. In moments like this, it was only her and Shawn. So why was it that she was fighting so hard against actually loving him? Against giving him all of herself. Her heart included? In the back of her mind she knew the answer to that question, but when things were as perfect as they were right in this moment, she tended to forget that reason. She tended to shove that reason so far back to the edges of her memory that it would sometimes take her forever to pull it back out.

The truth was, she had seen him with other woman. Not since they had been together mind you, but just in general. Even when he was with Abigail, and he seemed to take their relationship seriously, he still looked at other woman. She had heard stories of his love life prior to Abigail and herself. A different woman every week, and sometimes more than one. The truth of the matter, no matter how you phrase it, is that Shawn Spencer used to be a womanizer. What would make her think that he wouldn't get bored of her before long and revert back into his womanizing ways?

"Jules..." This brought her out of her thoughts, as she realized that he was staring right back at her. His green eyes pierced straight through hers. She had never felt so...exposed, as she did when he looked at her like _**that**_.

"Yeah Shawn." It was more of a formality than anything else. She just wanted to make sure that he knew she was listening. The look on his face turned dead serious, and she felt as her breath caught in her throat. She was afraid. Was he breaking up with her?

"I think...no. I am, in love with you." She felt her eyes go wide. She had not been expecting that. As far as she knew, Shawn Spencer hadn't uttered those words to anyone. At least not in a good long while. She felt her chest tighten up, as a tear slipped down her cheek.

_You said it again my heart's in motion_

_Every word feels like a shooting star_

She hoped that her quietness wouldn't be taken in the wrong way, as he turned his head back toward the ocean. "I've known it for a while now. I just...I was afraid to say it. To tell you that I love you. You're my entire world Jules."

She felt a smile cross her lips. All the worry from earlier. The thoughts of him leaving her, went straight out the window. He _**loved **_her. Shawn Spencer, lover of all women, had just told her that he was in love with her. She felt his hand tighten around hers. Looking down she took in their intertwined hands and felt her smile grow even larger. How badly she wanted to say it back, but she was afraid. Once she said it, she couldn't take it back. Not that she wanted to, but what if this was some sort of game with him? What if he only said it to see if she'd say it back?

"You don't have to say it back Jules. Even if you don't say it. I know you love me too. I can feel it when you kiss me."

She couldn't speak. Here he was pouring out his heart, and she was literally speechless.

_And I'm in love and I'm terrified._

_For the first time in the last time_

_In my only life._

She did love him. No matter how hard she tried to deny it. How hard she tried to fight against it, she did love him. Without even knowing it, she had given him her heart, and now here he was giving his to her, both literally and figuratively and she couldn't find the words to say it back.

Truth be told, she was scared...no that wasn't the right word, she was _**terrified**_. There had been other instances when she had thought she had been in love, and maybe she had, but none of them felt like this. This almost sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach that _**always **_got worse whenever he wasn't around. She had never wanted to spend so much time with anyone else she had dated, and yet here she was spending all of her free time with Shawn. Even time she shouldn't be spending with him, she was.

She took a deep breath. "I'm afraid Shawn. Well...more like terrified..."

His piercing green eyes looked at her again. "Why Jules?" He looked genuinely worried. "I've never felt like this before." He simply smiled, as he grazed his thumb against her cheek. "Me either. It is a scary feeling, but I know together we can do it."

She smiled, as he leaned forward. His lips grazed hers in a small kiss. Shaking her head, she pulled his lips back down to hers, this time deepening the kiss.

* * *

><p><em>This could be good<em>

_It's already better than that_

Shawn stared off toward the ocean. The way that the sunlight bent off the waves brought him a deep feeling of calmness. The words that he had promised himself that he would say. That he would utter to the woman sitting next to him. They had made his stomach flutter with feelings of nervousness. So the calming waves, was the only thing that he would look at right now because looking at her would cause the nervousness to return. Not only that, but it would cause the words that he so desperately wanted to say, to slip from his mind. It wouldn't be the first time that it had happen.

He had wanted to explain his feelings for her, a long while ago. Things kept happening, getting in the way. Things like, Lassiter walking into the room. That man he the worst timing known to man. Mostly though, it was those eyes. They're the color of the ocean, which brought him a calmness...a bit of inner peace, but then she'd smile at him, and those butterflies would return.

_And nothing is worse than knowing_

_You're holding back_

Though if he was honest with himself, the real reason he hadn't told her was the fact that he could feel her pull back. Pull away from him. It's not to say that she didn't care about him, or that she didn't _**love **_him. It was quite the opposite really. From what he could gather from the snippets of her past that he had heard. Whether those came directly from her, or from phone conversations that he might should not have been listening in on, she had been hurt...a lot. Though he knew his intentions were pure, he also knew that he couldn't sit there and tell her that it'd be easy.

Shawn gulped, the sound was deafening loud to himself, and out of the corner of his eye he saw that she was staring at him. Though, he had been able to _**feel **_her eyes on him prior, now it just seemed like she knew something was up.

He wanted to promise her that they'd always be happy. That they were made for each other, even with as cheesy as that sounded, but they were not promises that he could keep. He didn't know if they were made for each other, or that they'd always be happy. As much as he hated to admit it right now, he was not psychic, and he could not see their future together. He couldn't see if they were married, and happy as a family. No matter how badly he really wanted to see that.

_I could be all that you needed_

_If you let me try_

It was time. He needed to tell her, and maybe then she'd feel confident enough to tell him. Taking a deep breath before turning toward her. Even though her bright blue eyes were staring straight at him, he could see that she wasn't actually _**looking **_at him. She seemed to be caught up in her own thoughts.

"Jules..." There she was. Her eyes fixated on his, and he could tell that she was listening. He could also see the worry in her eyes.

"Yeah Shawn." He stole a single moment to look at their hands that were intertwined together, before looking back up. He knew this was the most serious that he had ever been, and he could tell that this fact alone scared her.

"I think...no. I am in love with you." He watched her expression carefully. Watching he saw her eyes go wide, and saw a single tear slip down her cheek. Was that a good thing...he knew he didn't regret telling her, but he did feel slightly self-conscious now that she hasn't spoken a word.

"You don't have to say it back Jules. Even if you don't say it. I know you love me too. I can feel it when you kiss me."

He studied her face. He saw a different mix of emotions cross her face, before she settled on one he wasn't expecting. It looked like fear. Like she was scared to death...of what? Him?

He heard her take a deep breath, "I'm afraid Shawn. Well...more like terrified..."

Stunned would have put what he was currently feeling lightly. He was...worried. Did she want to break up with him? "Why Jules?" He saw realization cross her features, and he knew that she knew that he was worried about her. "I've never felt like this before." He smiled at her, his thumb caressing her cheek. "Me either. It is a scary feeling, but I know together we can do it."

Slowly, a smile crossed her beautiful face, and he couldn't stop himself from leaning forward, pressing his lips to hers. It was a small, slow kiss. Too quickly, he pulled back, not wanting to push her. He smiled as he saw her shake her head, before pulling him back down, deepening the kiss. After what felt like an eternity to his burning lungs, he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. "You know...I am in love with you too..." He smiled, his hand caressing her cheek. "Yeah Jules, I know."


	6. Secrets

**A/N: So who thinks that this song _speaks_ Psych, but more importantly, Shawn? Yeah...I thought so :D. Okay so this is just something completely random that popped into my head, once I decided to use Secrets. We all know that Shawn is slightly eccentric, and so I could totally see him going about telling Jules this way. alright, enough rambling...enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter Six: Secrets<p>

_I need another story_

_Something to get off my chest_

It was a day like any other. I woke up in my bed...nothing unusual there. I was alone. Not unusual, though I did enjoy the days that I woke up next to my beautiful girlfriend. I think that was when I realized that today might be a little different than most others. Today was going to be special. Maybe it wasn't because of the emptiness on the opposite of the bed. Maybe it had to do with the voice-mail on my cell that explained that my _**psychic abilities**_ where needed on another case. Perhaps it was the feeling of utter despair that once again I'd have to go in there, fake my way through another case solved.

Did I hate what I do? No. Of course not. I love working _**with **_the police, even if on some accounts I'm not really wanted. It has more to do with the fact that the entire police force, Lassie included, thinks that I'm a psychic. It's all a lie. Though I must say that I am a fantastic actor, I mean I have fooled them all for the past five years. That's just it though. I am tired of all the lying. It has to end.

So as I lifted myself out of bed, and grabbed whatever clothing just happened to be tossed around, I jumped into the shower knowing that today would be different than any other day. Whether or not it was a good or bad different I was about to find out. Then again, I am Shawn Spencer and since when has anything _**ever **_gone my way?

_My life gets kinda boring_

_Need something that I can confess_

_'Til all my sleeves are stained red_

I found that Gus was waiting, rather impatiently, on me once I exited my shower. Well this wasn't the best start to the day. No breakfast was not cool. I grabbed some toast that Gus so thoughtfully...thought to toast while waiting for me. Quicker than I really wanted to, we were out the door and on our way to Santa Barbara's newest homicide. Did I know that yet? No. Though I did assume this to be the truth. I am hardly ever wrong.

Once arriving on the scene, the dead body just laying there, fresh blood. I knew that my assumption was now truth. See, told you. Hardly ever wrong. I chuckled lightly at Gus's look of disgust. Five years, and he still couldn't handle a crime scene.

"I think I'm gonna hang back...here"

I grinned at him fully, before patting his back. The last time he had attempted to visit a crime scene like this, he almost destroyed evidence. He did not want to face the wrath of Lassiter again. "I understand. Lassie can be scary sometimes."

I watched as Gus turned to face me. "You know that's right." He held his hand up, and I bumped his fist with my own. Nothing unusual here.

I stepped out of the car and slowly I walked up to join Lassie and my best girl, Jules. I smiled at Lassie, as I slapped him on the back. It had been a few days since I had been on a crime scene with the elder detective. Not being able to annoy Lassie on a daily basis really makes for a boring day. I heard him grumble something that sounded like pulling his gun and miserable life. I laughed, before winking at Jules. The blush that rose on her cheeks made my stomach do a flip flop. God, did I love her.

"So. Dead body. I'm taking a leap here, but I'm saying murder."

I watched as Lassie rolled his eyes, and Juliet tried to stifle a smile. This made a somewhat bad day better. Leaning down I took in the sight in front of me. I had one of two choices. One, I could fake my way through another vision...or option two, lie some more and say that I'm not getting any psychic visions.

Placing a hand to my temple, I shake my head. "Sorry guys. The spirits are still asleep. They don't like to be woken early."

Juliet shook her head, her hand very visibly over the already growing smile, while Lassie just huffed and said something that sounded like useless idiot psychic.

Rising to my feet, I went to stand by Juliet. The way the early morning light shone down on her face my heart race and I knew, I couldn't lie anymore.

"Jules. Can we go somewhere for lunch...we need to talk." I had to fight to keep my voice even..steady...and serious. I watched as she shook her head. Good. Today she would find out the truth, and if she still accepted me...then everyone else would find out some truth today as well.

_Sick of all the insincere_

_So I'm gonna give all my secrets away_

I sat in a corner booth, yes a corner booth, in our favorite diner waiting for my favorite detective to show up for lunch. After fifteen minutes of waiting I felt as my leg started to bounce up and down with nervous energy. I had two things to tell her, one thing to confess. Depending on how well the first thing went would be the deciding factor on if I went ahead with the second. I felt like I needed to go for a small walk, or at least do _**something **_to get rid of all this nervousness. Looking up though, I realized two things. That it was too late to do anything but sit there, and secondly, it was far too late to back out.

Jules walked in, every trace of beauty exposed, leaving a breathless smile on my face. I couldn't believe how _**desperately **_in love with her I was. I didn't even think I was _**capable **_of loving someone that much. I stood up, until she was seated. At which time, I sat back down too.

My hands were in front of me, bouncing in chorus with my legs. What I was about to say could either make me the happiest man alive, or leave my life in ruins. I was literally putting every ounce of my own happiness in Juliet's hands.

"Shawn...Are you okay?"

I did mention how much loved the way her brow quirks up when she's worried? It might be the single cutest thing I've seen...but right now, that's neither here nor there. Right now I just needed to say what was on my mind and wait for the fallout.

"Jules...I-" I paused. More like choked on my words. Literally felt like I was choking. Every ounce of emotion in my body seemed to scream at me not to do this, and yet I fought those feelings. She needed to know. If we were ever going to have a future then she needed to know. My mind was made up. "I haven't been...honest with you."

I watched. I didn't speak one more word, I just watched. Her face was like an open book of emotions. _**Confusion**_, _**hurt**_, _**pain**_, _**anger**_, the last one seemed odd to me. I couldn't quite place it. It seemed like a slight mixture of all the emotions in one strange package. She was going to storm out and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Not that I didn't want to, but I couldn't lie to her any longer. _**Five **_years is long enough.

"What do you mean Shawn?"

It seemed almost as if she knew the answer to the question she asked, but needed confirmation. I sighed, as my head fell into my hands. I couldn't look at her for what I was about to say.

"I'm not...psychic."

I waited. I listened intently, but I didn't look. I couldn't. The tiny ounce of pain that had stricken her face earlier was enough to fully break my heart. I couldn't take it again. I never heard the click clack of her heels on the tile floor. I didn't hear her yell or scream. I didn't feel the inevitable slap on my face. All the things that I figured would happen, didn't happen. Was it okay to hope that maybe she was taking this better than I would have thought?

"Shawn."

The way my name rolled from her mouth made me instantly look up. She didn't look angry, but she didn't look happy either. To say I was confused would have been an understatement.

"Why did it take you so long to tell me?"

Was that...realization that had been on her face before? Did she know?

"I—I didn't want to hurt you. I..." It was bugging me...the look that I couldn't identify earlier. It was driving me crazy to not know. "Did...you know?"

She broke out of her straight face, as a smile crossed her lips.

"I didn't. Not for sure. But I had my suspicions."

I fought against my own smile, before it won out and what I'm sure accounted to lighting up my face.

"I have one more thing to say, and this could quite possibly be the single most important thing I ever say...well to you at least. I will, however, have to have a talk with Lassie and that thing on top his head that he calls hair. It gives people like me." I paused pointing at my perfectly maintained head of hair. "A bad rep. It's ridiculous."

She laughed lightly. "Please...continue."

I had planned how I would do this for the last few weeks. Nothing ever seemed _**right**_. That was when I realized what the problem was. I am _**not **_a planner. I am a doer. So, as I had seen on far too many movies, I scooted out from my seat, and got down on my knee. I smiled at the beautiful woman in front of me.

"Juliet O'Hara. Would you do me the great honor of making me _**the **_happiest man alive...and marry me?"

The look on Juliet's face spoke so many different volumes that I wasn't sure what to think. The emotions flash by so quickly before landing on one. _**Elation**_.

"Yes."

She smiled at me, before I pulled out the velvet box that I had kept in my jacket pocket. The ring was small, but I placed it on her finger and hoped for the best.

_This time don't need another perfect line_

_I'm gonna give all my secrets away_

I stood outside the chief's office. Juliet had been in there for a while now, and I had wanted to go in with her. I _**had **_gone in with her before the chief kicked me out. The chief _**never **_kicked me out. Well, unless you count the times I sat in her chair drinking pineapple smoothies, but that doesn't count. It's not my fault that the chief does not enjoy delicious flavor. The door opened slightly, Juliet's head poked out.

"You can come in now."

Shaking my head, I bounded in through the door.

"Mr. Spencer. I urge you to shut that behind you."

I gulped, but complied. I kept my body facing the door for a second to gain some composure before facing the chief. I was unsure how much Juliet had told her, so I stood a decent distance from her. Even if I did crave to hold her hand. The chief looked between the both of us for a while, before clasping her hands in front of her.

"I urge the two of you that mixing business and pleasure could be catastrophic for both of you're careers. However, there is nothing that says a detective and a consultant cannot have a relationship. So, unless this." She paused as she waved her hands between us. "Gets in the way of you're work, then I have nothing to say...besides congratulations."

I sighed in relief, swiping a hand across my forehead, catching the sweat that had built up from falling. Then I reached out and snagged Juliet's hand in mine. Oh this was quite possibly the happiest day of my life.


	7. Apologize

**A/N: Alright, so I've had this half written for like a week, but hit a bit of writer's block with it, so I let it sit and simmer for a bit. I kind of like the outcome, though I did not expect it to take the turn it did. Any cheesiness in the writing (and you will know what i mean) I apologize for now. **

* * *

><p><em>I'm holdin' on your rope,<em>

_Got me ten feet off the ground._

The house was an utter disaster, and it wasn't just because of all the broken dishes, or the woman that was sobbing in the room down the hall. No, it was a disaster because at some point he had given up. Their relationship was hard, and it took a lot of work. Shawn Spencer was never one to put in the hard work. Though this time, this one time, he had tried. They were just too different. He was energetic, goofy, and irresponsible. She was everything that was opposite from that. He had watched her try so hard to keep their relationship going, and two years of trying made him realize that maybe trying this hard wasn't worth it anymore.

That of course was not the start of the argument this time. No, this time it was the fact that he was _**always **_late. He never could seem to make it to their dates on time, even if they did live together. Shawn had tried to counter the attack at his tardiness, but he couldn't. She was right. He never was on time. Always late. Gus had even fought with him on this matter a few times. That was when he realized that he was hurting her more than loving her, and it killed him. Although mentioning his thoughts aloud during their argument wasn't one of his better decisions.

His eyes wearily went toward the broken dishes on the floor. Walking toward the kitchen, he grabbed the broom and dustpan. He started to sweep up the shattered pieces from the floor. Once he had them all up, except a few tiny pieces that wouldn't sweep up, he knelt down long enough to snatch them from the floor managing to cut his finger in the process. Hissing past a curse, he turned on the faucet and stuck his now bleeding finger under the warm tap. Watching as the bleeding started to ebb slightly, he grabbed a paper towel and gently wrapped it around his now sore finger.

Though the pain in his finger was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. Running a shaky hand across his face Shawn realized that he did love her. He just wasn't sure that he was good enough for her. Sighing, he stalked slowly toward their bedroom. Rapping his knuckles against the door, he waited before speaking.

"Jules. I know your mad..."

At that the door flew open. Her eyes were red and puffy with mascara streaks running down her cheeks. The hurt evident in her eyes broke his heart. If only she knew how much he wished like hell that he was good enough for her.

"Mad, Shawn? No. I'm not mad. I was, but not anymore. I am _**hurt**_. I have tried so hard to be lenient with you. I know that you're different, and that we're different. I know that, and so I tried to not let the little things that aggravate me. Then you sit there and take the damn easy way out. So no...I'm not mad. I am hurt, in pain, and I just want you to _**go**_."

Shawn shook head. "I do love you Jules." He spoke over his shoulder before stalking down the hallway and toward the front door.

_And I'm hearin' what you say,_

_But I just can't make a sound._

Juliet paced back and forth in their living room. She had almost sobbed when she realized that he had picked up the shattered glass from the kitchen floor. Her heart had throbbed when she noticed the blood droplets. She hadn't even known that he had cut his finger. Now she stood, her hand in her hair, trying to decide which option was better.

Should she call him, or should she go out and _**find**_ him. If she called him it was likely that he wouldn't answer. Even if he did, it was even more likely that he'd hang up on her. Not that she would blame him after how she had overreacted. His words had hurt her, yes, but she could see where he was coming from. Even more so, she could see how hard he was trying to _**change**_. No matter how much she yelled at him for all things Shawn Spencer, she didn't want him to change. She didn't want some stiff boring boyfriend that was always on time. That always knew what they would do, and where they would go. Where was the excitement in that? She wanted Shawn, and all the things that came with him.

Her decision was made, as she grabbed her keys and headed for the front door.

* * *

><p>Two hours after Shawn had left. One of the only times he <em><strong>actually<strong>_ listened to her, she had located him. His bike was parked on the curb outside of Gus' apartment building. It was her first guess, her second was the Psych office. Pacing in front of the door, Juliet pressed her finger against the doorbell for Gus' apartment.

"Yes." He sounded exhausted. This was not a good sign.

"Gus, can I come in?"

She heard him sigh, "I don't know Juliet. He is very upset. I literally just got him calmed down enough to stop pacing my floor."

Juliet felt the wetness on her eyelashes, as a few new tears slid down her cheek. "I just need to talk to him." She heard him huff. Obviously Shawn had passed on the information of the breaking of their dishes. "Calmly." She added.

Another sigh came from the small box just under the doorbell buttons. Finally the noise that she had been waiting for erupted from the door, as it buzzed. As calmly as she could, she made her way to the second floor of the building before rapping lightly on Gus' door.

The door flew open. "I'm not staying..." He paused as he looked over his shoulder. "Nothing better be broken when I get back either." He glared in Shawn's direction before turning the glare to Juliet.

She simply shook her head, before entering Gus' apartment. Shutting the door, she turned to Shawn. His hair was sticking up from his hands running through it multiple times. He looked absolutely exhausted. She sat across from him. Though he tried to advert his eyes, she saw the tear tracks, and felt a gasp catch in her throat.

"Shawn."

"What, you come to yell at me some more? Tell me about other ways that I disappoint you?" His voice was bitter, and there was a slight slur.

"You've been drinking?"

He smiled despairingly at her, "Ding...ding...ding. We have a winner."

Shaking her head, Juliet pushed forward. "Shawn, we have to talk this through." When he didn't say anything she continued on. "I love you so much that it literally hurts. When I'm not with you it hurts, when I am with you it hurts. When we're apart all I think about is what you're doing, and if you're thinking about me. When we're together all I think about is if you know how much it hurt me when you didn't show up the night before..."

Shaking his head, Shawn placed his head in his hands.

Juliet pushed forward. "I know that you don't mean to hurt me, and that you never meant to do it to begin with, and yet sometimes it seems like you try to. Shawn you drive me absolutely insane in both good and bad ways, but I know that I will never love anyone the way that I love you."

Juliet watched as Shawn's shoulders started to shake.

_You tell me that you're sorry,_

_Didn't think I'd turn around..._

_And say..._

"Shawn. Are you crying? Shawn, please. I never meant to make you cry. Shawn, I'm sorry." The words flew from her mouth faster than she could stop them, or even think about them.

His head flew up at her attempt to apologize. A flare in his eyes made her insides quiver only a little bit. "I'm sorry? You don't get it. I should be the one to apologize, and yet I don't _**feel**_ sorry. This." He paused pointing between the two of them. "Is over."

"Shawn, what are you talking about. We had a fight, and argument. We can get past this."

He shook his head, his eyes were red-rimmed and exhausted. "No, we can't. We're too different. It was stupid of us to even try Jules. We work better as friends, at least then I didn't disappoint you."

Juliet reached out her hand to touch his. Her heart broke when he recoiled against her touch. "Shawn...I'm so sorry...please."

_That it's too late to apologize._

"It is too late for apologies Juliet, and it's too late for us. Just go." He flicked his wrist to release her. Unwilling to meet her eyes and see the pain that would be evident. He stared at the floor until he heard the door close.

_I'd take another chance,_

_Take a fall, take a shot for you._

It had been two weeks. Yet, being in the same room as her, seeing her eyes on him. It hurt. Still. Like a knife cutting deep into his chest. He could feel the metaphorical blood pour out of him, and yet he was still alive. He felt he had nothing left to give, and yet he felt himself giving it.

He pretended that nothing happened. That they were best friends, and that they hadn't been dating for the past two years. She went along with it well enough, until he found her gazing at him. Whether or not she knew what she was doing wasn't even the question. It was the fact that knowing she was still in love with him that weakened his resolve. On bad days, like yesterday, he found himself almost admitting that they gave up too quickly. That he wanted one more chance to make things right.

Usually, he would quickly stop himself from making a fool of himself. She seemed to be moving on, or at least that's what Gus had told him. Explaining that she had a date tonight. The queasiness in his stomach was uncalled for. It was what he wanted. For her to move on. To find someone that deserved her, and yet he wanted to do _**something**_ to stop it.

Standing in the chief's office for the third time in a week, he saw out of his eye that her eyes were trained solely on him. He stiffened slightly, as his resolve slowly started to weaken. The walls that he had built up only this morning, was once again knocked down. His cold exterior was melted right in front of him, and he had no choice but to look back.

The _vision_ had been a good one. He had followed Markus to an alleyway where he disposed of the evidence. His prints would be all over the stuff. So he went back to the station, and had the vision of the dumpster and Markus. Of course, Juliet was the only one available to go with him. Lassiter was still questioning Markus' partner, and the chief wouldn't pull him for _**possible**_ evidence.

So here they were standing by the dumpster, a look of glee on Juliet's face as she realized that Shawn had come through for them yet again.

"If his prints are on this stuff, then it's open and shut." She smiled ruefully at him, but her face darkened.

She fumbled for her gun, as Shawn spun around in time to see Markus stalking toward him. He was a large man, of at least six two. His body was bulking in size. The gun in his hand was trained on Juliet. Looking over his shoulder, Shawn saw that she was still trying to get her gun out. The fear etched on her face.

He was going to shoot her, and Shawn wasn't about to let that happen. He saw as Markus' finger twitched on the trigger, almost as if he was itching to pull it. To put a bullet in Juliet. Moving quickly, Shawn came to stand between Markus and his gun, and Juliet. The sound was almost deafening in the alleyway. The pain that coursed through his body was slightly familiar after his run in with Garth Longmore.

His body fell limply to the ground, as Juliet finally gained control over her weapon and fired three times, and watched as Markus Travers body fell to the ground. Without another thought, Juliet whipped out her phone and called for an ambulance, while kneeling next to Shawn.

_I need you like a heart needs a beat,_

_But it's nothin' new._

Shawn sat up in his hospital bed. The bandage wrapped tightly around his chest pulled slightly causing a pained moan to escape his lips. Juliet's hand darted out quickly snatching his.

"Are you okay?" The worry evident in her eyes, caused him more pain than the actual gunshot wound.

"I'm sorry Jules."

Her eyebrow quirked curiously. "Why are you sorry Shawn?"

"Well, I mean...I maybe..."

"Yeah?" She interrupted seeing the way he struggled to get the words out.

"Maybe I jumped the gun..." He paused as her eyes knitted together. He realized what he said, as a wry smile crossed his lips. "No pun intended." His eyebrows quirked, and she smiled softly. "Maybe...we can work this." He motioned between the two of them, "out. I mean...if you're still willing."

She nodded her head. "Always Shawn. I'm always willing."

She leaned forward and brushed her lips against his in a chaste kiss, before pulling back quickly. "But don't ever do that again."

"You mean...get shot?"

"I mean step in front of a bullet meant for me. I'm the cop, Shawn. I had a vest on."

Shawn shook his head. She didn't understand why he had done it. "Jules, your shorter than me."

The confusion on her face made him chuckle lightly. "He wasn't aiming for your chest Jules..."

The realization crossed her face, and a queasiness formed in the pit of her stomach. He planned on killing her. Markus knew she was a cop, he knew she was probably wearing a vest. She shook her head.

"I figured I'd be better off with a chest wound, then you would be with a head wound. Plus, I could never, _**not**_ take the shot meant for you."


	8. Never Say Never

**A/N: Not my best work. I'm not sure that I captured what I wanted to capture. **

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><p><em>Some things we don't talk about<em>

_Rather do without_

_And just hold the smile_

He could remember the days when he'd show up at the station just to see her. To say something stupid... or anything really just to get that sliver of a smile to cross her lips. Her favorite seemed to be when he'd pester Lassiter into submission... or into threatening his life. Those were the days when everyone thought him to be a psychic. When they thought that his wacky carefree lifestyle was because of his clairvoyant ways. Those had been the good days, the easy days.

At first he had told her the truth. How he really just had a photographic memory, and even explained why he had lied. She had taken it bad at first. Yelling at him, even throwing a few things at him. After of week of _**cooling off **_she came to his apartment and apologized. Explaining to him that she understood why he had done it, and why he had lied to her. After that they just didn't talk about it anymore. She let him continue to act like a psychic, and didn't say word, fearful that he'd end up behind bars.

It took a couple of months, but finally everything seemed to be back to normal between them. She kissed him more, and smiled like she had when she had first shown up in Santa Barbara. He hadn't really realized how much he had missed it until that first day that she did it again. Remembering clearly, the way it lit her face up. It was only then that things went back down hill.

A former client, an unhappy one at that. Had taken him hostage, and wouldn't release him until he admitted on video that he wasn't really psychic, and though it wasn't a shock for Juliet, it was one for Chief Vick and Lassiter. Even if Lassiter had wanted to slap cuffs on him there and now for hindering a police investigation, he had to wait. He had to go to trial, and admit publicly that he wasn't psychic. Though the judge had gone easy on him. House arrest for three months, and too many hour of community service, it was the trust he lost that hurt him worst.

_Falling in and out of love_

_Ashamed and proud of_

_Together all the while_

Then of course there was the day that stood out almost more than any other. The day he had dropped down to one knee, opened the petite black box, and asked a certain blonde detective to be his bride. The nervous jitters that fluttered around inside his body had been like nothing he had ever felt before. It had been one of his proudest moments, and the blindingly bright smile that crossed Juliet's lips would be forever engraved in his mind. Pushed into his little book of memories, for him to pull out again, any time he really needs the pick me up.

Though he would never claim that they're relationship was easy, or without it's faults. Arguments from both sides had left a dull taste in their mouths after only two years of marriage. At one point, both of them thought that divorcing might be better than trying to keep a relationship that seemed to be dying, alive. Then Juliet watched as a bullet nearly took Shawn's life.

It was only after his near death experience that Shawn admitted that he had slept with someone else while they were in relationship turmoil. While she had been angry, and kicked him out. Quickly, she came around, and though their relationship hadn't been the same, it had somehow been better.

_I will be your guardian_

_When all is crumbling_

_To steady your hand_

It was about the time of their fifth year wedding anniversary that found Juliet standing in the hospital. Tears flowing freely down her cheeks. Her hand had cupped in front of her mouth to keep the growing sobs from breaking free. Finally, as Shawn stood behind her, his hand rubbing repetitive circles on her back, she turned to face him. The words that she had mumbled, broke his heart into a thousand tiny pieces. She had blamed herself for Lassiter's severe injuries. Ones that the doctor wasn't sure that he'd be able to return from.

It had taken a year, but he had been able to return to work in a much less fabulous fashion. Though Shawn had thought it was hilarious to see the once senior detective, stuck behind a desk, while Juliet combed the streets bagging all the bad guys. In Shawn's eyes, it was a much needed twist of fate that eventually brought Juliet the happiness that she hadn't known she needed.

Of course, that had only lasted six months. When she found out she was pregnant, she too had been benched, but her's was in a much less permanent way. Though Shawn found her pregnancy to be scary, and thought often of just how horrible of a father he'd turn out to be. Once his daughter was born it took away all of those scary feelings and replaced them with love.

The look on Juliet's face, was another cherished memory that he would forever keep in his memory photo-book, tucked neatly away in his mind. Through the sweat and tears that seemed to stick to her face, the brightly lit smile on her face, and the shaking hand she reached out was the second most beautiful thing he had seen that day. He had reached out his free hand, and grabbed a hold of hers, steadying it.

_Don't let me go_

_Don't let me go_

_Don't let me go_

Shawn felt a small smile cross his lips. His mind back to the present. His hand rubbed against the smooth stone in front of him. His heart heavy, as it was everyday. Though it was slightly worse today, than most others. He couldn't force himself to even think of it as an anniversary. It was far too morbid for where he usually allowed his thoughts to locate themselves.

He felt a small hand on his shoulder, and he lifted his hand to grasp the other. His daughter. Carly was almost ten now. She had her mother's stunningly beautiful blond hair, and blue eyes. A smile crossed her face, and there was no doubt in Shawn's mind that her smile too belonged to Juliet. The only real thing that was Shawn-like about his daughter, was her personality.

"What are you doing, baby girl?" His eyebrow quirked. He strictly remembered leaving Carly in the car with Gus.

"Watching you daddy." She flashed that smile that made his knees give way. The one that she knew she could get away with murder with.

"I thought daddy told you to stay in the car with Uncle Gus?" His voice was stern but wavering quickly.

"But daddy! Uncle Gus is boring. He was talking about his job again." He watched as Carly rolled her eyes dramatically, and fought against the laugh that had bubbled up into his throat. She was not going to win this one.

"I know sweetie, but I need you to go back to the car with Uncle Gus. Daddy has something to finish up here."

He watched his little girl look around where he was, and realization crossed her face. Oh yes, mentally speaking, she was her father's daughter. He really didn't want her to ask the question he could already see written on her tiny face.

"Daddy..." she looked down in that cute, I'm totally shy, way. Shawn had known when she was much younger, that she'd be a little heartbreaker. The cuteness factor was too far off the charts, and her attention span was shorter Gus's non hair. "Are you talking to mommy?"

Shawn sighed deeply. Yes, this was the question he was avoiding. His hand glided across the shiny stone again, and read what it said. _Loving wife, mother, sister, and daughter_. He had wished that there was more space to say everything that needed to be said about Juliet. He had been too withdrawn to actually say the words at her funeral. Carly had been tucked in his arms, even if his hands were shaking. It had been the single worst day of his life, well aside from hearing the words that your wife was dead.

"Yes sweetie. I am. Daddy needs private time to talk to mommy though. So can you go sit with Uncle Gus. Tell him that daddy said to stop being Mr. Gussy Boring Pants, and to tell you a story."

She smiled at him brightly, before wrapping her tiny arms around Shawn's neck. "I love you, daddy."

"I love you too, my little pumpkin doodle."

After giving Shawn a kiss on his cheek, she ran off. He smiled when he heard her whispering to herself about Gus telling her a story about mommy and daddy.

Then he turned his attention back to the plot of dirt that his wife was buried under. A tear slipped from his eye, as he drug out the worn piece of paper. It was a tradition. Every year, on the 'anniversary' of her death, he'd drag his worn body up the hill of the cemetary. He'd claim his seat under the large maple tree that sat just in front of her headstone. He'd remember all their times together, the good and the bad. Then he'd read his note to her. The one he wrote the night before she had been killed, the one he never had a chance to give her.

"Hey Jules. Baby, I miss you so much." Pausing, as a small sad smile crossed his lips. "Carly misses you too. She talks about you all the time. I think that maybe, my memory has it good uses. I can tell Carly stories about you, and watch her face light up. She might have only been five when you left us, but she still remembers you. Of anything I could have given that beautiful little girl, I am glad I could share my memory with her. That way, at least a tiny piece of you will remain with her."

He clutched his note tightly in his bawled up fists.

"I brought the letter with me, and I'm gonna read it." He chuckled lightly. "I know, it's probably getting tiring. Hearing the same ol' stuff. Sorry 'bout that."

His eyes glanced the letter, and a fresh batch of tears slid down his cheeks.

_My Dearest Juliet, _

_I want to thank you. For sticking with me. For not giving up, even when we both thought that was the best option. I know we had our trying times, the times when you wondered what the hell you did. I know that I on more than one occasion thought to myself, 'what in the hell was she thinking marrying me.' Marrying you was the single greatest decisions of my life. Standing in front of all our friends, and our family, and vowing myself to you forever. I couldn't think of a better way to spend a lifetime. _

_Then you're giving heart, gave me the greatest gift anyone could ask for. You gave me Carly. The joy that thumps in my heart when I look at that little girl. I can't even begin to explain it. I don't have to, because I know that you feel the same way. _

_I just need you to know how much I love you, and how grateful I am that you have forgiven my mistakes. I know that I am not a perfect person, but I will spend the rest of my life proving to you how much I love you._

_Love Always, _

_Shawn 'Mega Hottie' Spencer_


	9. Best I Can

**A/N: So sorry this took me so long! I re-wrote this thing about a million times before I settled on this. I love this song for Shawn, I think certain parts (obviously the parts I used LOL) of this song are absolutely perfect for him... in a heartbreaking sort of way. With that said, it's not quite as easy to create a one shot around, but then this came to me and I kinda sort of like it. Do note that this chapter has light Whump... also some humor as well. Enjoy!**

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><p><em>Tonight I feel like the world won't miss me<em>

_So much to say but there's no one listening_

_If we're alone are we all together in that_

Shawn heard the pitter-patter of water in the distance as he slowly came to. The crushing blow to his head did nothing to damage his memory, unfortunately. Which meant he remembered everything, even if it was slightly fuzzy. He knew that would change. That he'd remember it all, in full color detail before long. Then he'd just have himself, and his memories.

He knew that no one was looking for him, and did he blame them? No, of course not. Not only was he an idiot that had caused Juliet to be hospitalized, but he had let his secret slip. In fact, he'd be sharing a jail cell with a very unfriendly cellmate right now, had he not been knocked unconscious and kidnapped.

Not that, this was a new occurrence, he was Shawn Spencer after all. It was what he did best. As his dad would say, '_You don't go looking for trouble kid, trouble finds you.'_ He had planned on running, not because he wanted Gus or his father to take the hit for him. In fact it was the exact opposite. Without someone to charge, _aka him_, then they had nothing to charge Gus or his father with. It was the perfect plan, or at least it would have been.

However, his latest case. The one that had Jules in a hospital, had yet to be solved. At least Lassiter hadn't solved it yet. Shawn had, but no one was taking him at his word anymore, and could he blame that? No. Although sitting on the uncomfortable chair, with his arms pulled behind him so tightly that he no longer had feeling in them, he had to say that he wished just a little that they would have listened.

He might not be psychic, but his success record should speak for itself. Then again, the chief had promised him that if he was lying that he'd be rotting in a cell of hindering a police investigation. He needed to brush up on his police mumble-jumbo, but he was certain that meant that his success record would go down the toilet because of his compulsive lying tendencies.

The best outcome from all of this that he could hope for, would be that Juliet would be just fine. Also, that no one got too awful tore up over the fact that he died without them knowing, or probably caring.

_I am doing the best I can with everything I am_

_Don't you know nobody's perfect_

_Do you understand how hard I'm trying to do the best I can_

_The best I can_

Shawn woke again after what felt like a few hours. The face in front of him, was grinning broadly. His teeth were gaped and sticking out a little further than absolutely necessary. Then again, dental hygiene probably not real important psychos who kidnap fully grown adults.

"'Ello there psychic boy... how's the accommodations?" Shawn shook his head. This inbred freak should not know any word with more than two, possibly three syllables. Hell the fact that he knew words with more than three syllables shocked him on more than one occasion.

"What'd you learn that in kidnapper school... or wait, did you get the new draft of Kidnapping for Dummies?" His eyebrow quirked, as the gaped tooth man raised his hand and connected with the side of Shawn's face. Groaning for a moment, Shawn spat out a mouth full of blood, before eying his kidnapper again. "Wow, not so bright, but you got some strength on your side. Now, I am going to assume that you are not the ringleader. I mean... look at you."

Shawn watched as his hand went backward and whipped forward with renewed force. The jolt snapped his head backward so hard that he swore he could hear something snap. Well, at this pace, he'd be dead soon. That was something to look forward too. If they couldn't find him... alive that was, then there would be no one to prosecute. Which meant no trouble for his family. For Gus or this father. Hell even his mother.

"Now, you listen to me psychic boy! We gots a video feed right there." He paused to point at the small television that was connected to a camcorder on a tripod. Off on the left side was a small laptop.

"Oh my snaggle-tooth friend, you're only pretending to be an inbred idiot..when in reality you're a boy genius... who wants what?"

Snarling, his 'snaggle-tooth friend' glared at him for a moment before he continued. "The feed is being sent to your little police friends. Ya know, the ones you help with your psychic powers..."

Shawn couldn't help the laugh that exploded from his mouth. Psychic powers, really? This guy, was totally not the ringleader here.

"You hush now, let me finish." Shawn let his laughter subside into fitting giggles, as he listened as well as he could. Damn ADD. "If they want you to be returned without being hurt..." Shawn's eyebrow shot up. "Well, more than I already did, then they's gonna have to send us some moneys."

"Wait a second here. So your telling me that, what, your video taping me... and that if I have any shot of getting out of this... absolutely amazing hell hole alive, that they have to pay you 'moneys'?"

Shaking his head, he smile. "Yes'em."

Laughing again, Shawn groaned at the pain it caused in his stomach. "Well then, here's to you not getting you're 'moneys' and me dying a certain horrible death... since... well they don't want nothing to do with me. I guess we're both shit out of luck here."

Grumbling, the man before him jabbed quickly, his fist connecting hard with Shawn's stomach. The scream of pain reverberated off the walls. Something snapped, he felt it. The pain... was far too severe for something to have not broken. Taking small shallow breaths, Shawn was able to make the pain subside, if only a little bit.

"You heard me. Money for psychic boy... or I beat him until he's unidentifiable."

Looking up, and know he'd earn another painful punch, Shawn grinned at him. "Excuse me, inbred idiot boy... how exactly do you know these large words, when you look and act like that?"

The punch to his gut was so painful that Shawn's vision went fuzzy, and slowly the blackness overtook him.

_A second chance to give you something_

_It takes a lifetime to come from nothing_

_I refuse to believe in running away_

Shawn's head felt as if it had ruptured and been haphazardly glued back together. The pulsating pain that emanated from both his temples made it feel as if had a rapid heartbeat in his head. Without anything else to do, but keep his eyes closed to keep the unforgiving light out... wait... where did the light come from? His prison had been many things. For example, it was hot, hellish, and damp. It however, didn't have any light.

Groaning... or well more moaning, he let his eyes flutter open. The stark white walls that made the blindingly bright light worse was a dead giveaway. Right along with the antiseptic smell. How in the hell had he missed that? Granted, he didn't have a super smeller like Gus, but damn you could spot the way too clean smell a mile away.

"Shawn?" The voice was quiet... meek... and familiar. It wasn't his father. That much he knew. He was also certain it wasn't Gus... or even Lassiter for that matter.

Turning his head slowly, carefully to keep the rolling nausea at bay, he faced the voice. He gasped, only slightly in pain, more so to that face of _**who **_was staring back at him. The last time he'd seen her... after she had been shot... she had swore that she never wanted to see him again. Yet... here she was. The concern on her face sped his heart up. Part of him hoping that she'd forgive him, and the other part knowing she never could.

"Mmhm..." Pausing, he tried to clear his throat, and ended up trying to hack up one and a half of his lungs. Carefully, she placed a paper cup to his mouth and he drank greedily from it. Once his throat was adequately moisturized, he tried again. "Hey."

He watched as she tried to fight a smile on her lips. "You scared the hell out of us!"

What in the hell did that mean...us? Who is us? Well, if Jules was here... and worried, then perhaps us meant his father and Gus. Out of any of his 'family' they'd be the first to forgive him.

"Yeah, your dad and Gus... Chief Vick... I think even Carlton was a little worried for a bit. We found you faster than we anticipated because you were right. Markoff was involved, and well the guy that was running your uh...prison was as stupid as you thought. He didn't even bounce the signal off of any satellites. Didn't use a fake IP address nothing. We were able to locate you quickly, thank god..."

He nodded his head just a bit, unable to take any other movements. "So... why were you so worried? I mean, if you found me quickly, the idiot only got in a couple of punches before I passed out."

She shook her head, before gripping a hold of his hand. "You didn't just pass out Shawn. The first punch... it broke three of your ribs..."

"I knew I heard a crack!..Ah! Shit... that hurt." He pouted slightly.

"Yeah, I was getting there. The second punch caused two of the three broken ribs to puncture your lung. When we found you, you weren't breathing. We thought you were going to die before the paramedics even made it to the scene. Carlton and myself did CPR until they got there...Which unfortunately caused more damage to your lung..."

Shawn gulped, a slight sheen of sweat covered his brow. "Am I..."

"Your going to be okay. Aside from the initial puncture wounds, the other damage was minor. They were able to repair your lung."

Shaking his head he felt tears well up in his eyes. He watched in near slow motion as Juliet leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Don't scare me like that again..." He had to smile at that, there was no choice in the matter.

"I shall try..." Shawn looked away, trying to find the courage to ask the question that had been lingering in his mind since he had woken up. "Jules." If he was going to do it, he couldn't look at her.

"Yeah?" The question lingered in the air for what seemed an eternity.

"Why are you here?" Still he stared out the window, even if all he could see was the clouds and the blue sky above.

"Because I care about you?"

He laughed, but it wasn't his usual laugh. This one was mocking, but not towards her, toward himself. "But why? I lied to you... to everyone. I got you shot, that was me! I don't deserve for you to care... or worry about me."

Leaning forward, Juliet lightly gripped his chin to turn his face toward her. "Yes, you lied. It broke my heart Shawn, but afterward I realized why you did it. It still hurt, but not as bad. I was angry, yes, but I got over it. I mean, I did have my suspicions as it was. Carlton was on a warpath. He just knew you'd run, and when you didn't show up for your meeting with the chief... he gloated. Then we got the feed, and I just felt my entire world crumble down around me. In the instant that I saw your face on that feed... I knew that I couldn't be mad anymore because I loved you too much! Yes, it was a bone-headed thing to do, but like you said...Carlton didn't leave you a choice. You did what you had to do. I don't blame you for that... I do blame you for not telling me sooner. For not trusting me enough to tell me."

Tears welled up in Shawn's eyes, as he gripped her hand in his. "I didn't tell you because I knew that if anyone ever found out the truth... I couldn't do that to you. I loved you too much."

Smiling through her own tears, Juliet pressed her to his forehead, before pressing her forehead against his. "Just don't lie to me ever again... got it?" Her eyebrow quirked.

"Umhm. I got it." He smiled, as he leaned back down against the bed and closed his eyes. Happy... it was the only feeling he could feel right now.


	10. The Best I Can

**A/N: Okay, so I know what your thinking. Is she crazy... she JUST posted this chapter! Yeah, I'm not crazy. It just so happens that two different (but equally awesome) bands have songs titled Best I Can. If you haven't done so already, check them both out (Art of Dying and Decfyer Down). As always enjoy... also this one took on a tiny little life of it's own. So if it's weird or out there... blame my muse. It is always HER fault! Also, any medical facts that are the opposite of facts are because I was too lazy to actually look up information. **

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><p><em>Been thinking about<em>

_All those lies you heard me say_

_I can't make them go away_

Shawn paced the floor in front of him. His perfectly molded hair was now sticking up in every which direction. His face was pale, a thin sheen of sweat coated his forehead. He felt like he might just be dying, and yet he continued to pace the floor. More in debate than anything else. At first it was, should he venture a visit to the clinic, but quickly turned into something much deeper. Something that halted any thoughts of clinics or emergency rooms.

It had turned into should he tell Juliet the truth? He had found it increasingly more difficult to keep up his ruse with her. To see the belief in her eyes, and know that he was lying to the woman that he loved. It killed him inside, which brought him to his current position. The fact that he couldn't stop puking his guts out, and felt that he might just fall to the floor and never wake up again, must be in direct result his punishment for lying for so long.

Karma was a cruel bitch to those who had wronged her, and Shawn was more than likely at the tippy top of that list. Claiming to be clairvoyant, when in fact he was just a big fat fakeity fake. Oh yes, karma was cruel, and yet he deserved so much worse.

No matter how much he might would like to take back every single last lie he told up to that first day that he had shaken his leg and looked Lassie-face right in the eye and said '_I'm Psychic'_, and yet he couldn't.

God, he was so damn tired. All he wanted was to sit down, but he couldn't do that. Hell no. He had to pace. Back and forth. Back and forth. Constant motion, otherwise the horrific and extremely blinding pain would return. Bringing it's best friends, extreme nausea and horrifying vomiting.

He was so regretting that fourth burrito this afternoon. He also was expecting Gus to pop his little head through that door any minute, demanding him go see a doctor. Oh wait, he already had done that. When Shawn had upchucked his entire lunch, or at least what he thought to be his entire lunch, in Gus's front seat. Yeah, that had been a wonderful experience. Though, in Shawn's defense he did say he felt sick. That was warning enough... well maybe not since the vomit seemed to explode from his mouth right after he had spoken, but hey that was neither here nor there!

_Been thinking about_

_All those mistakes you've seen me make_

Hands in his hair, pulling meretriciously, he cried out. Deal with the intense pain in his stomach and sit down, or deal with the continued abuse to his long past exhausted legs that felt slightly rubbery. This decision seemed much harder than whether or not he should finally come clean to Jules. That answer was sickeningly easy... simple... no wait, it wasn't the decision that was sickeningly...

Bolting down the hall on rubbery legs, easier said than done since he nearly catapult himself into the wall. How wonderful that would have felt on top of everything else. Flinging his pained body to the hard tile of the bathroom floor, his head barely over the toilet as the revulsion continued to ravish his body. With each new heave, he felt his stomach climb that much closer to his esophagus. You would have figured that by now he would have upchucked his stomach, and several other organs. However, everything that was vital to his continued living, stayed put. Finally, it seemed that he was out of things to throw up, and his body resulted to dry heaving. Which seemed to actually be worse.

Once his body stopped the revolt, he looked toward his ceiling as a few tears edged down his cheeks. "Please just kill me. Let me die, cause this torture has got to end!" Oh yes, getting pissed at the man above. That was going to win him karma points. Then again, he might be past winning karma, at this point. He had done everything in his power to push... no shove, Juliet away from him. He had hurt her so many times, and yet she was still with him. God, how big of a idiot could he have been to think that Abby would be a sufficient enough replacement for Juliet? Especially considering their vast differences. There was nothing about Abby that was anything like Juliet. Of every mistake he ever made, that was the biggest one.

Of course, he'd never say he didn't care about Abby. He would however say that he had hurt her, and at the same time he hurt Jules. He had to be the worlds biggest moron. No wonder the _powers that be_ seemed to see it fit that he suffer long for his many crimes of idiocy.

Faintly, he heard a feeble knock on the door. Well, whoever seemed brave enough to venture into hell had a key. They could come in, and make themselves at home. He, however, was exhausted. He was going to lay his head against the tub, stomach pains be damn, and he was going to sleep!

_When I can barely hold on_

_You promise me you won't let me go_

_And I want you to know_

"Shawn?"

He heard his name being called, and yet there was no one around him. So, he was going crazy on top of being deathly ill. Wonderful. Then he realized that his eyes were still closed. Slowly, sensation started to rear it's ugly nasty little head. It wasn't the continued stomach pain, no that had haunted him even in dreamy sleep. No, it was stiff pain in his neck and back. The cramping in his legs. Oh the cramping. It was almost worse than his stomach pain... Dammit he said almost!

It was like each part of his body hated him profusely, and decided that it was time to revolt all at the same time. If that itself wasn't bad enough, it seemed as if they were all battling for the top spot of worse pain.

Whimpering lightly, he opened his eyes to an excruciating headache. Yeah, definitely time for a clinic visit. Though there were a couple of problems with that. One, he couldn't seem to move. Through the stiffness and cramping, the seemingly paralysis was explained. There was also the fact that he might be past clinical help, which meant this would now constitute as an emergency room visit. Which meant that his dad would find out, and that made him wonder what exactly was the lesser of two evils. The extreme pain and vomiting, or having his dad tear him a new one.

"Shawn!"

Hmmm... there was that voice again, and damn it if his vision wasn't so hazy and blurry he might just be able to see who was yelling for him. Squinting helped slightly, and he realized that Juliet was hovering just above him. The look of immediate worry scribbled across her face... her beautiful face. God, he loved her so much.

"Shawn, hold on. The ambulance is on the way. Shawn... talk to me. Let me know your in there!"

How could he deny her... and yet he couldn't form words. Every-time he opened his mouth a groany whine penetrated his mouth. Sighing, yeah that hurt... and not in that good way that Mellencamp always sings about either! He gained a miniscule of control over himself.

"Hurts..." Well, his voice seemed to have become whiny at some point. Fabulous.

"Just hang on Shawn."

Through his blurry vision, he watched as she sat down beside him. Her arm wrapped around his shoulders, pulling his freezing cold body against hers. Without his permission, his eyes slipped close again. Damn he was tired.

_I don't live a perfect life_

_But now I'm living the best I can_

Needles... why in the world did it feel like he was being pin-pricked by dozens of tiny needles in both his arms and legs. His completely rational fear of all things pointy brought him back from unconscious-land way quicker than his body wanted apparently. Lurching his prone form into a sitting position, not taking the time to look around the surrounding area, he leaned to the right and emptied the contents of his stomach. The groan that formed afterward sounded as if he had actually swallowed one of said pointy things.

"Ugh." He spat a couple of times, before leaning back. At which point he realized that he was not alone in his room. That, of course, sent the past day rewinding in his head. Bringing him back to the present. Oh yes, how could he forget. He had gone and pissed off karma, who retaliated with a nice stomachache and a bout of vomiting that would make the world's toughest warrior cry for his mommy. Which of course, had led him here. To the hospital. In which he had just degustified with a vomit bath.

Juliet looked at him, worry written across her face. Tension written in her hands... the way that they clasped hold of each other. "Shawn.. are you okay?"

"Hmmm... yeah. My stomach doesn't hurt. That is definitely a positive considering the past..." He paused when he realized he didn't know how long he had been mayor of unconscious-land.

"You've been out of it for nearly twenty-four hours now. The doctor said that it was normal with the amount of exhaustion, and as badly as you were dehydrated... I was still worried though."

Even though he knew it was wrong. No matter how badly every fiber of his being fought against it, he smiled softly. "I'm sorry you were worried. It was probably just a stomach thing. No biggie. Plus, I mean, it's kind of gross. I really would have rather my girlfriend not see my throw up."

Despite her shakiness, Juliet laughed, though she quickly sobered up. "Shawn, it wasn't just a stomach thing. You had salmonella. Gus got pretty sick not too long after you left. It made him realize that it was probably something that you both had eaten..."

"No way! The burritos? Dude. I am so not going to be able to eat one of those delicious things in a long time. This totally blows..."

Juliet side-stepped, as the housekeeper walked into the room. Mop in hand, and a face made of stone. She had apparently seen worse, though Juliet really hadn't. Which was why she averted her eyes from the stinking pile on the floor. A dead, rotting, stinking corpse... no problem. Vomit on the other hand was the one thing that could roll her stomach down a lane that would cause an even bigger mess.

"Shawn, do you understand how serious that is? If I hadn't found you... hadn't gotten you to the emergency room..." She couldn't do it... She couldn't say the words.

"I'm sorry Jules..." He turned his head. Staring out the window, not really seeing. It was just a way to not have to look at her. A way to hide. It was the only way he would not blurt out the truth, and yet he wanted nothing more!

"Juliet... I have something that I need to tell you." He closed his eyes. Ready to plunge forward. Even if she walked out that door and never came back. Hell, even if she ran straight to the chief and told on him, he could take it. All he wanted... needed in that moment was to tell her the god honest truth. For once in his life, he just wanted her to know him. The real him. Not this fake imposter that had been living his life for the past six years. It was well past time.


	11. Breaking Inside

**A/N: Okay, so it took me forever to actually figure out what exactly I wanted to write for this chapter, but I absolutely love this chapter. Definite tear-jerker. Just warning ya'll ahead of time.**

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><p><em>I caught a chill<em>

_and it's still frozen on my skin _

A shiver shuddered it's way down his spine. The too warm of air around him made no sense since he was freezing on the inside. The cascade of water running from his burning eyes to pool on the collar of his shirt. His life would never be the same again, and it was all his fault. His hands gripped his head for a moment. A thin sheen of sweat coated his face, and his skin was icy to the touch.

A growl forced it's way through his locked lips, as his hand tore manically at his hair. Pain be damned! He could still feel the tears slipping down his cheeks, and didn't give a damn about manliness.

A petite hand gripped around his bicep, yanking hard on his tensed arm. "Shawn..."

His head snapped up, and he knew he looked like hell. Bloodshot eyes that could wield him the title of addict. Paleness was a given in this situation. Then there were always the things that went unseen. The pains that were hidden deep inside. Like the aching back from the hard plastic, ugly as hell, chair his ass had filled for the past hour. Throbbing temples from a migraine that kept jockeying for position with the backache and the permanent ache in his chest.

"What..." He meant for it to come out harsh, but it was merely a rough whisper. His throat beyond parched.

He watched as Juliet grabbed a tight hold on his hand, and pushed a cup into it.

"You need to keep yourself hydrated... Unless..." she shook her head, knowing it to be a lost cause.

"Unless what. I want to be hooked up to machines too? Unless I want to..." The gasp that escaped his lips was harsher than his words, and from the look on Juliet's face, it was painful for both of them.

"It's not your fault Shawn!"

His head snapped to attention again, a scowl forming deep into his features. He wasn't angry with Juliet. Not even just a little bit. He was angry with himself. Hated himself, and blamed himself. How could he not? His best friend was on life support because he was a moron and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

"I made him do it..." His voice was full of self-loathing. The hatred pointed exactly where it deserved to be pointed.

_I think about why_

_I'm alone, by myself_

_No one else to explain _

Bright lights poured through his eyelids. A slight flutter and his eyes popped open. All thoughts that maybe the last twenty-four hours had been a horrible nightmare disappeared when his eyes looked around the all too white room. The antiseptic smell left that too clean smell, and it made his stomach churn. Unwillingly, his eyes glanced to the burdened bed in front of him. The tubes and wires that protruded from his friend was making his already nauseous stomach worse.

Then he realized that he was alone. Gus's parents had visited for a few hours the day before, but from what he could tell they hadn't returned. Spying a slip of paper on the empty hard as hell chair beside him, he nabbed it in his grip and opened it.

_Went to grab some breakfast and coffee. Be back soon. Love Jules. _

Normally her notes left wide grins that most commonly would be described as a dog with it's head sticking out of a window. However, any humor or happiness that he might have felt previously had left altogether.

Wadding up the note and tossing it in the wastebasket, Shawn leaned forward. His forearms resting against the railing of the bed, as he watched the machine pump his best friend's chest up and down. Twenty percent. That was the chance of Gus surviving this. He had known his best friend to beat odds a lot. Like the chance that he might lose his lunch at a crime scene, or the chance that Gus will disinfect the entire office every-time that Shawn had the sniffles. This was not a chance... an odd that Shawn was willing to bet on.

"Buddy... you have to wake up. You have to! I need you to yell at me. Blame me... Please just..."

The tears exploded from his eyes, and the sob that broke through his words was painful. Planting his face against his arms, he hoped that they would at least deaden the noise. His eyes burned with each new batch of tears, and each outburst seemed to be shorter and shorter.

"I can't do this without y-you. I-it's always b-been the G-gus and S-shawn show."

Under normal circumstances that would have garnered a good laugh, and some jokes, but his buddy was lying unconscious, and Shawn had lost any and all trace ofhumor he had ever had.

_Out here, nothings clear_

_Except the moment I decided to move on and I ignited_

_Disappear into the fear _

The shuddering gasping sobs that had overtaken Shawn earlier in the morning had subsided. Every now and then he'd find himself sucking back a hiccup inducing breath to keep more tears at bay. It had been three days since the accident, and Gus's parents had decided to take their only son off the machine that the doctors claimed was keeping him alive. The artificial breaths that were methodically pumped into his best friend's chest would come to an end.

Adjusting the knot on his tie, Shawn ran a hand over his face. How exactly had it come to this? That he was about to witness the end of his best friend's life... not even taking into account the fact that Gus wouldn't be in his predicament if it weren't for him. Sniffling, he sighed as a pair of arms wrapped around his torso.

"I know your in pain... and it kills me. Shawn, you are such a..." The tears that glistened in her ocean blue eyes tugged at his heart.

"I know Jules... and I wish it were different. God! How much I wish it were different. I wish I hadn't goaded him into riding on that stupid bike! I'm such an idiot. It should have been..."

Juliet put two fingers against his lips. "Shawn Henry Spencer! Don't you dare think about finishing that sentence!" Her eyebrows shot up, and Shawn's mouth closed against her fingers. "That's what I thought."

Removing her fingers from his lips, she gripped the knot of his tie, and tightened it just slightly. He grimaced for a moment, until her eyes met his. "Gus made his own decision Shawn. As did the driver of the car that hit him. He decided to drink and drive. We will find him, and he will find his justice."

Nodding his head, Shawn let Juliet grab his hand and lead him out of their bedroom and toward the front door. Snatching keys along the way, Juliet locked the front door before walking toward Shawn's rental.

* * *

><p>Grunting, Shawn eased the car to a slow stop at the red light. "At this rate, we'll be late." The frustration was apparent in his voice, as was the fear of losing his life-long pal. Glancing a look at Juliet, he forced his lips to curl upward only slightly.<p>

"I know." was all she said, as she patted his hand.

A new batch of tears glistened against the pale hazel color of his eyes. He'd never cried so much in his entire life. Not when his cat had ran away, not during his many injuries. Gus though, deserved his tears and so much more!

As the light turned green, Shawn eased his foot to the gas. The rest seemed a mixed blur of fast and slow motion. Juliet yelling for him to stop, to the car barreling toward them, driving straight through the red light. Closing his eyes, Shawn braced for impact. The pain was immediate, and the cry of pain was definitely coming from his. His eyes closed and gave into the darkness that surrounded him.

_You know there ain't no comin' back_

_When you're still carrying the past _

"Oh hell no, Shawn! I am not getting on that death trap you call transportation. Ain't happening." Gus waved his arms around animatedly as he denied Shawn for the fifth time.

"But Guuussss! I'm trading her in soon. This is your last chance to ride on her. Can you honestly deny this beautiful piece of machinery the gift of having Burton Guster take his first and last ride on her?" Shawn let his best expression of a puppy dog fall onto his face.

He could see the quiver in Gus's eyes. He was getting closer to caving in. Just a few more pushes, and he'd be driving Gus around town in no time!

"No Shawn!" Stand firm. That was always the best way to deal with Shawn and his crazy ideas. Like he was dumb enough to let Shawn drive him around town on that death trap.

"Okay." Shawn sighed, kicking his foot against the carpet. "I see how it is. I thought we were friends.. but it can't be true. Not if you don't trust me enough to drive you around a bit on my motorcycle.." The frown that developed on his face, caused a frustrated groan to escape Gus's lips. Shawn knew it was checkmate at that point. He had won... not that he had planned on losing.

"Fine, Shawn. Ground rules are as follows." The grin that had crossed Shawn's lips immediately fell away at those words. "I'll be driving myself on your death trap..."

"You don't know how to control a motorcycle Gus!"

Gus held up his hand, palm out, his foot tapping impatiently. "You'll just have to teach me. I'll be wearing your helmet and your leather jacket." Gus held in the triumphant smile that wanted so badly to cross his lips at the way Shawn's eyebrows had shot up. "You'll follow me in my car in-case I need help. Do you understand me?"

Shawn gulped, immediately regretting pushing Gus into this whole motorcycle thing. "Fine." His arms crossed his chest, his eyes shooting lasers of death at Gus who chuckled lightly.

* * *

><p>Gus straddled the motorcycle, feeling the nervousness wash over him. The leather jacket, though it clung to Shawn in all the right ways to have Juliet whip her head around to stare at him, hung off him. The helmet was more snug, though the visor kept fogging up.<p>

"Dude, your not on the road yet. Lift the visor."

Gus huffed, causing the visor to fog up even worse. "Like hell, Shawn! I refuse to have bugs for a late afternoon snack!"

Shaking his head, Shawn leaned forward. "Show me the clutch." He waited as Gus pointed correctly. They played the game of show me this and that for nearly ten minutes before Shawn decided that Gus was trained as well as he could be to take off on his beloved motorcycle. Pulling Gus's keys from his pocket, he lowered himself into the driver side seat of the blueberry. Shoving the key into the ignition, and turning it over, he waited until Gus took off. Though the start of the drive was slow, at a steady twenty miles an hour, Shawn was soon having to push the blueberry up to about forty to keep up with Gus.

At their first intersection, their light was green, but Shawn watched out of the corner of his eye as a car sped toward the intersection without any indication of stopping. Yanking back on the window control, Shawn shoved his head out the window and screamed at Gus, while trying to pass him before he reached the intersection. Too late, and soon the bike flipped over the car and Gus was thrown into the air, colliding with the hard pavement in a matter of seconds.

_I don't want to live_

_To waste another day_

_Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made_

_'Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside _

Lights above his head were far too bright. The smell was clean... too clean. Cracking one eyelid open, he saw machines and the I.V. Line connected to his arm. _**Hospital**_. The word left a bad taste in his mouth. Slowly other sensations started coming back to him. For instance, the pain that superseded everything else. He seemed to hurt _**everywhere**_. Then he remembered what happened. They were on their way to the hospital... Gus... car accident. Stiffening, despite the pain it caused, Shawn jerked his eyelids open as his body sat straight up.

Without bothering a glance around the room, he yanked at the blankets that were holding him into the bed. It was then that he realized that he wasn't as alone in his room as he thought he was. A hand grasped his wrist.

"Shawn..." The voice familiar and his erratic breathing calmed slightly.

Turning his face in the direction that the hand had came from he saw Juliet. Numerous lacerations and abrasions littered her face, and her other arm was in a sling.

"Jules." He choked the word out. Realizing then, just how dry his throat was.

Releasing her grip on his arm, Juliet grabbed a hold of the cup filled with water and passed it into his shaking hand. Lifting the cup to his lips, Shawn drank generously from it before pulling it away and licking his newly wet lips.

"Are you okay?" The sigh that escaped her lips surprised him.

"You're the one in the hospital bed, and your asking me if I'm okay?" He could see the presence of tears in her eyes and wondered just how badly he had been injured.

Carefully and slowly, grimacing at the pain that flamed through-out his body, Shawn lowered himself back down to the bed. "How bad?" The question was a mere whisper, but he could tell she heard it.

Leaning forward, she gripped his hand. Lifting it for a moment to place a delicate kiss on it, she dropped it back to the bed and interlocked their fingers.

"A broken left leg, separated left shoulder..." She paused. "You had some internal bleeding that they had to repair..." Her lip quivered. "You almost died before the ambulance even made it to the scene." A few tears fell down her cheeks. "Multiple contusions on your face..."

He shook his head, trying to ignore the pain that flared behind his temples. He squeezed her hand to the best of his abilities. A gasp fell from his lips, and he snapped his head toward her. "Gus?"

Her head dropped. "I'm sorry Shawn..."

A new pain flared through his chest, though this had nothing to do with his injuries. This was the pain of a broken heart. He never even got a chance to say goodbye to his best friend. He couldn't stop the tears that fell down his cheeks... nor did he care to.

Her hand squeezed his, as they cried together.


	12. The Mess I Made

**A/N: Alright... so I wanna start with saying I love this song and think that it applies to EVERY couple once and a while. Every couple has that moment when they know they should have done someething they didn't. Now that's said... I decided to try something different. Basically... it's Shawn's thoughts of how he got into his current position. **

**WARNING: Slightly depressing and sad (just the way I write them!)**

* * *

><p><em>Should've kissed you there<em>

_I should've held your face_

_I should've watched those eyes_

_Instead of run in place_

It was at this moment in his life, Shawn Spencer could narrow it down to seconds of time that he had lost his chance with Juliet O'Hara forever. The words... the ones that he had wanted to speak out-loud forever were there. Right on the tip of his tongue, and then Gus barged into the room. He knew what Shawn was trying to do! Yet he insisted on ruining what could have been the happiest moment in his life.

Though Shawn was ecstatic to hear that Jules was healthy, that she didn't have Thornberg. He did, however, need to do this still. He had every plan of going through with it too.

"_**I still wanna say what I wanted to say. If that's okay?" **_

That was the smoothest line ever. Shawn felt his eyes roll at the memory that had conger up in his mind. The look on her face, a mixture of happiness and confusion.

"_**Sure." **_

She had given him the go ahead. Juliet, he could tell, wanted to hear what he had to say.

"_**Okay... uh, Jules. How do I want to say this? You know how when we are kids? There were all those cool prizes at the bottom of cereal boxes."**_

To this day, even after repeated viewings of the scene inside his own mind, Shawn didn't understand why he had chosen cereal boxes as his opening speech. The confusion that never left Juliet's face only furthered the question as to why?

"_**Yeah."**_

The smile never left her face, nor did the giddiness. Maybe, on some level, she knew where I was headed. If only that level hadn't been so deep down I wouldn't be in my current position.

"_**Well, there's two kinds of kids. There's the kid that flips the box over, and open it from the bottom, and grabbed the prize right away. Then there was the kid that waited patiently, and ate bowl after bowl of cereal, until the prize just tumbled out on it's own. There's also a third kid named Mikey, who'll eat anything, even the prize, but he's not really important right now."**_

Shawn's head rested against his palm. The only thing stopping him from smacking it against his forehead. What had he been thinking to joke during such a serious time, a serious conversation. That was probably the reason why Juliet didn't want to be with him, to date him. If he really sat back and thought about it. He couldn't be serious long enough to have a grown-up conversation. He sighed, as the flashback continued it's assault.

"_**Okay, and?"**_

Her eyebrow had quirked in true confusion. It was the little things like that, which had him falling in love with her in the first place. Another sigh sounded from his mouth. Falling in love. Who knew it could happen to him? He had always been the guy that vowed he'd never fall in love. That love wasn't for him, that he needed no woman to make him happy. Until that first day in the diner...

"_**I didn't wait. I didn't wait for my decoder ring, or my Frankenberry action figure when I was a kid. So what am I waiting for now? All I know is I don't want to miss out on the prize."**_

A flicker of realization glance across her features, and for a second he thought he had been in the free and clear. That she knew exactly what he was seeking. However, that second was over, the realization was gone.

"_**What are you trying to say, Shawn?"**_

Though the realization was gone, there was still something there. He couldn't quite put his finger on it back then, and he still couldn't now. However, something in her eyes made him think that she knew exactly what he was trying to say.

"_**That I... that I... I don't know"**_

Stuttering was real smooth. Saying I don't know... even smoother. Then Lassie-face waltzed in. The entire moment that he had worked so hard for was gone. He shook his head, when all he really wanted was to beat it against the wall. In that moment, instead of trying to speak he should have just caressed her face, and watched her beautiful ocean blue eyes dance, and kissed her. He, however, was an idiot.

_I should've called you out_

_I should've said your name_

_I should've turned around_

_I should've looked again_

However, it was this moment in which he had truly lost her. Not only just figuratively, no. He had lost her to another man. While he continually told himself that Declan was a better guy...

"_**Shawn**_..."

The sound of utter surprise had made his heart speed up to an unnatural pace. It sort of felt like the last leg of a marathon was thudding away inside his chest.

"_**Hey..."**_

No one ever claimed Shawn was a smooth talker... Oh wait, he had! Then again, the surprised hey was warranted after she had taken him by surprise like that.

"_**Hi. Why are you standing in Declan's foyer all by yourself?"**_

The confusion mixed with a sad sort of happy made Shawn realize that he was an idiot for letting Juliet slip through his fingers so many times. Who cared that he was supposedly on a date with Abigail – yeah that had gone smoothly when he sat there feeling ten kinds of uncomfortable while pining after the one that could have been – or if he ex-boyfriend was in town and supposed danger. Who cared? Oh wait, apparently Shawn did. At least that was always his excuse. Truth be told he was just afraid of what they might have if he gave his whole self over to her.

"_**Creepy?"**_

Also the jokester. Well he used to be. Shawn had lost that part of himself a good long time ago, and just had never been able to get it back.

"_**Sort of."**_

Though he could admit that Juliet made the cutest faces when she was confused, or in this instance didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Shawn could sense that she wanted him there, but he could also feel her hesitation.

"_**Yeah-"**_

"_**Shawn, you have solved a lot of cases for the SBPD, but this one was particularly impressive. I mean, Bolivian embassy's and international espionage, how did you and Gus do it all by yourself?"**_

Shawn could admit when he was hurt about as well as he could handle fishing with his father in one of his ridiculous shirts. Though he could honestly say that the tone of disbelieving that Jules had thrown his way had cut him just a little. It wasn't that she didn't believe he _could _do it, it was that she didn't believe he could do it _alone_... or at least with just him and Gus. Had she been right? Yes. Did he want to tell her that? No.

"_**Well I'm not going to lie to you Jules, it was difficult. But now that it's over I'm ready to put freelance spy on my list of special skills-"**_

"_**Well here's a mystery you can solve for me. Yesterday I came here after work and I found three crème brulee dishes by Declan's computer. Any idea who could have eaten all of those?"**_

Shawn had to give her props though. Juliet was a crafty one, when she wanted answers. Right then, she wanted an answer that he did not want to give her.

"_**Ummhmm... I would say that Declan has an enormous sweet tooth. And that shouldn't be ignored Jules, sugar is a gateway drug."**_

The look on her face told Shawn everything he needed. She wasn't buying one word that seeped from his mouth.

"_**Um... Well I guess that will remain an open case."**_

Juliet's eyes stared a hole straight through Shawn, and yet she thought it would break him. How she was wrong.

"_**Yeah, guess so."**_

A shake of her beautiful blond hair, and a glance at the wall and it was time to change the subject.

"_**Well, I was just about to head out and do some shopping for the trip-"**_

"_**Right, the trip. Of course. Have a- have a- have a great four days off Jules-"**_

"_**It's two weeks Shawn-"**_

"_**Wow! That's lengthy. That's significant. That's a real amount of vacation time."**_

The change of subject wasn't much better however, and Shawn felt his heart race for a whole different reason. Shawn had forgotten all about the trip. All about her leaving with _him_. Which was why he dignified the stammering and stuttering, and the solemn look of gloom on his face.

"_**Have an amazing trip. Okay? Promise me. Cause you know they say uh... these kind of trips are once in a lifetime experiences and they're even better when you have someone you care about to share them with, and you do. Take lots of pictures. Not of sights, don't take pictures of buildings. Take pictures of moments. Cause that's what matters. Capture them here... and hold onto them here. At least that's what I would do. I don't know, you might take a blurry picture of your espresso at some random cafe."**_

Shawn had always realized he had the inability to shut up. Especially when thrown into an uncomfortable situation like this. However, by the pained expression on Juliet's face, he was bound to expect that he had went above and beyond the call of duty here. Then he saw something. It was a tiny flicker of something better... something amazing in her eyes. Then Juliet rushed forward and captured Shawn's lips in what was quite possibly the most awkward, uncomfortable, amazing kiss to ever grace his lips. Then it was over. Declan came back down from buying his hotel and Shawn realized that whatever amazing thing just happened between them was a mistake. He could see it in her eyes. So instead of pushing her, forcing her into a situation that would just ultimately bring her pain, he left. Shawn turned his back and left.

_But ohh, I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I'm staring at the mess I made_

_As you turn, you take your heart and walk away_

Shawn gripped his hands tightly in front of him. The suit he wore clung too tightly to his skin, which felt like it had gone ablaze. Juliet stood a mere few feet in front of him. Her head tilted slightly sideways, as she offered him a smile. Biting his lip, he offered what he hoped to be one in return.

"Shawn..."

Gus stood beside him, and he knew how much this was killing him. Watching Juliet up there. Her flowing white gown that clung to her body just so.

"I know Gus... I know."

Hanging his head, Gus slid away. Shawn sighed, Gus always had been good at reading his emotions. Knowing when he needed someone to talk to and when he wanted to be alone. Though he preferred to suffer alone, right now his internal self was begging for someone to talk to. Anyone really. Just someone that didn't know what he was currently going through. Someone that wouldn't ask if he was okay.

"Shawn..." The voice was far too familiar, and his body reacted in a way that it wasn't allowed to anymore.

"Jules." He faked a smile as he turned to face her. His heart breaking at the look on her face. She was concerned about him. That much he could see. "How's married life treating you?" His eyebrow quirked in his usual way.

A gentle laugh escaped her lips, and all looks of concern left her features. "It's been good... then again I've only been married for about ten minutes."

He sighed, and ran a weary hand through his hair. Oh, how badly he wanted to interrupt their nuptials. To scream to the rafters that he loved her, and that he wanted to be with her. Yet, he was the bigger man, and left her to be happy.

"Are you trying to steal my girl?" If only Declan knew how close to the truth he actually was.

"Oh you know it man!" Shawn forced out a chuckle, as he smack Declan on the back. "Congratulations guys. I gotta go. You know... case and stuff." He paused, and looked over his shoulder. "See you soon Jules." With that he walked slowly away. His head hanging, as his heart was breaking.


	13. Just A Dream

**A/N: A Tissue maybe needed!**

* * *

><p><em>It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen<em>

_All dressed in white_

_Going to the church that night_

A smile etched on her face. Her gown, long and flowing, touched the ground only barely. Gus stood beside her, having promised Shawn that he'd watch after her. Gus's hands were clasped tightly in front of himself. His black tux was perfect, not a single wrinkle.

Her hands behind her, as she readjusted her dress. It was no longer was digging into her side. The flower arrangement was in her hand.

She couldn't believe that she was marrying Shawn Spencer. Actually, she couldn't believe she let herself fall for him enough to marry him.

"Gus... is this really happening?"

The question was simple enough, but Gus had a look that seemed to mirror fear.

"I'm not backing out, Gus! I just... can't believe it."

A small smile played on Gus's features. The look of terror fell instantly away, as a calm exterior took over. "Why, yes it is happening. You're marrying my best friend..." Gus sighed. His cool guy speech fell away. Even if at the beginning he hadn't been very close to Juliet... well that had changed. The closer she got to Shawn, the closer he got to her. She was like family now, and would technically be family in about an hour.

"Look, Juliet. Shawn's a great guy. He's been my best friend for so long, I can't count it on two hands. He's amazing, and he has a heart of gold. Don't let him fool you on that, Juliet. He does. I just never saw him settling down. At least not like this. He's always been the bachelor. The guy that you go to when you and your girlfriend are fighting to hide you until things cool down... I guess what I'm saying is... I'm glad it's you, Juliet."

She felt tears flush against her close eyelids, and told herself not to cry. The hour spent in the makeup chair had been pure hell. In fact, she wouldn't be surprised if it was what the government used to torture information out of people. Juliet really didn't want to go through that again.

"Let's get moving toward the church. We don't want him thinking you stood him up..." Gus smile suavely.

_And when the church doors opened up wide_

_She put her veil down_

_Trying to hide the tears_

Gus handed Juliet off to her father. The look in his eyes was sympathy, and though she knew he had never been a big fan of Shawn, or his antics, her father knew that Shawn did indeed love her. So she knew that the look in her father's eyes was not due to the fact that she was marrying the man that she was head over heels in love with. Something was wrong, and according to that look, it was something horrible.

"Dad..." She hadn't realized that she had choked the word out. It was like she knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"I'm sorry, kiddo."

Juliet shook her head. It couldn't be. He couldn't be. It was a dream... a horrible nightmare that she would wake up from any moment. Blinking her eyes repeatedly hoping it would pull her from this nightmare, she felt the first tear slip from her eye and fall to her cheek.

"There was an accident... He..." Her father coughed awkwardly around the words that seemed to be caught in his throat. "He never made it to the hospital..."

The doors in front of her opened up wide. The church full of people looked on in agony. All of them had been briefed apparently. Gus had sunk to the floor beneath him, tears streaming steadily down his face. Then the person she most wanted to see was standing beside Gus, a hand upon his shoulder. Crimson stained his white dress shirt. She was angry and hurt. Juliet couldn't stop herself. She was no longer in control of her body. Her feet padded loudly down the aisle as she came to a bare footed stop in front of the man that was supposed to be her father in law. A man that had became like a second father to her.

"Why didn't you call me!" She couldn't stop the tears now, nor did she want to.

"It happened so fast sweetheart... I couldn't leave him..."

"You didn't have too..." Now she was sobbing uncontrollably. "You could have used your cell... why Henry?" Her voice broke over her words. They didn't come off angry, instead they sounded broken.

Tears were fresh in his eyes. He clapped his hands together, just now noticing that they were still caked in Shawn's blood. Henry felt sick to his stomach at the sight.

"Juliet..."

She fell to her knees as sobs coursed through her body. It hurt so bad that it made her cry harder.

_Baby why'd you leave me_

_Why'd you have to go?_

_I was counting on forever, now I'll never know_

Juliet stood in the doorway. Unable to force herself to move. They had given her ten minutes, and she was wasting it. She was wasting her goodbye. Tears started to slowly trickle down her cheeks. Today was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. It was the day that Juliet O'Hara married the man that she loved. The day she married Shawn Spencer. Yet, it seemed that someone... some greater force was holding a grudge against her.

As she stood staring at the pale, lifeless body of her fiancee, she felt herself fall to the floor. Juliet didn't care that it hurt, nor did she care that it would probably bruise, causing her pain much later. The only thing that mattered was the man laying on the table.

Juliet couldn't make herself get up. She didn't want to. Getting up meant seeing him... and seeing him meant remembering him like this. Cold and lifeless. That wasn't Shawn. He was full of life and energy. He was her ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, and now he was gone.

According to Henry, it had happened so fast... to fast. The green light, the bright lights.

"_**He didn't really have time to do anything. It was just so fast. Shawn did the only thing he could. He slammed on the brakes, sent the car into a tailspin, until the other car hit us. We flipped twice, but Shawn's side of the car took the brunt of the impact..."**_

He had done the only thing he could to save his father's life. The firefighters had even said so, as they used the jaws of life to cut Shawn from the pile of wreckage.

"_**If the car had impacted on the passenger side... I would have been killed. Shawn knew that... It's the only thing I can think of as to why he would have done that..."**_

It didn't surprise her that Shawn was so selfless that he'd give up his own life to save his father's.

_I can't even breathe_

_Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now_

_This can't be happening to me_

_This is just a dream_

Juliet felt a hand on her shoulder, the tears in her eyes had subsided. She hadn't realized just how long she had been sitting there on the floor. Her flowing white dress sprawled out on either side of her. Looking up, she saw that Carlton had knelt down beside her. His face held a certain pallor, and was set in a frown.

"He's-"

"I know," Lassiter cut her off. Saying the words aloud would only bring on more hysterics, and right now what he needed was to get her up off the floor. Guster had promised to take her home, though with his tear streaked face Lassiter was more than a little worried about her getting there safely.

Juliet felt Lassiter lock his hand under her arm and start lifting.

"Get off!" Juliet whispered harshly. Her hand batted at his.

Sighing, Lassiter knelt beside her, making sure they were eye level. "Juliet, I need you to get up off the floor. They..." He couldn't say the words. If it was anyone else. Hell if it was Guster who had plastered himself to the floor, he could say it. However, he couldn't force himself to say the words that would break his partner's already shattered heart.

She sniffled loudly, her blue eyes clouded over from the river of tears she had cried. "I know. I just... I can't force myself to leave him."

Lassiter shook his head, even though he didn't fully understand. Carlton had never been in her situation. Forced to say goodbye to someone that was already gone. Someone that you loved more than anyone else.

"Do you want me to-"

Juliet simply shook her head. "I'll go." It was merely a whisper, as she held out her hand.

Lassiter stood up before grabbing hold of it. He made sure that his body was blocking the lifeless on behind him before pulling Juliet to her feet. Wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders, he led her from the room. She paused at the door, her eyes fixated on the two broken men in front of her. Carlton used the time to take a final glance behind him.

_The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray_

_Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt_

_Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard_

Juliet sat in the front six chairs, along with Shawn's family, Lassiter and the chief. Tears clouded her vision, as she looked from Henry, whose face was dry but solemn. To Madeline, who held a handkerchief to her eyes. To Gus, who had tear tracks down his cheeks. Followed by the chief, who mirrored Shawn's mom, with a handkerchief of her own. Before resting on Lassiter's face. His face was void of emotion, and a chuckle bubbled into Juliet's throat.

A memory from long ago. Not too long after she had moved to Santa Barbara, and Shawn had once again been flirting with her. Carlton had walked by and grunted in their direction. Juliet had thought it to be weird at the time, but Shawn simply cracked a lop-sided smile. He leaned in close and whispered '_**Just ignore Lassipants. He's emotionally constipated.'**_

At the time, Juliet had labeled Shawn as a weirdo, and went on about her day. It had taken almost a year, but she came to realize that Shawn's antics were just who he was. It was how he functioned, and it was how he cheered you up.

Tears slipped down her cheeks at a furious pace. It had been two days since Shawn had left her, and Juliet still felt just as empty and broken as she had that night. Every night she curled up on his side of the bed, clinging to his pillow like a lifeline. Juliet knew it was unhealthy, and that she needed to start the healing process. Yet, she couldn't force herself to do it. She hadn't returned to work yet, though the chief told her to take as much personal time as she needed. If she was being honest though, Juliet felt no will to return to work. Most days, she was lucky if she felt a will to remove herself from bed.

Juliet realized that she had missed everything that the preacher had said. He stood now, quiet, as he examined the large crowd in front of him.

"Now, let us bow our heads and pray."

His voice was soft, and Juliet obeyed his order. Her head bowed, but no prayer left her mouth. It wasn't that she had lost her faith in God, more so that she hadn't been able to say much of anything since that night. It was like when Shawn left, he took her voice with him.

Juliet waited until everyone in her row lifted their heads, and followed suit.

_Then they handed her a folded up flag_

_And she held on to all she had left of him_

_Oh, and what could have been_

A hand reached out and landed on her shoulder. Juliet wanted to jump, but willed herself to keep still. She looked in the direction it had came from, and saw that it was Gus. His eyes had dried up considerably, and he motioned with his head. Turning to face the direction that his head was tilted toward, a breath caught in her throat. Officers from the SBPD, ones that she had worked with many times, were folding up a flag, in honor of Shawn's memory.

Vaguely she remembered Chief Vick mentioning that Shawn would receive a police officer's burial. However, at the time, Juliet had just chalked it up to some random mumbling about things she didn't care about. Though in her current state, everything was something she didn't care about.

Yet, she felt tears spring to her eyes at knowing that even though he was technically a member of the SBPD, and his methods might have been a little unorthodox. In spite of that, the chief saw it fitting to give Shawn one of the highest honors he could be given.

Juliet watched, as tears blurred her vision, as Buzz McNabb walked slowly toward her. He held the folded up flag carefully in his hands, as he approached. With a nod of his head, he handed the flag to her, before backing carefully away from her. Juliet had seen the tears in his eyes, and knew that he too was hurting from the loss of Shawn.

Clinging the flag to her chest, Juliet felt the pieces of Shawn that she had been clinging to. The memories... those tiny moments, starting to slip away.

_And then the guns rang one last shot_

_And it felt like a bullet in her heart_

If Juliet had been thinking straight, she would have known what would have come next. She had been to a funeral like this before. However, she wasn't thinking clearly, so when the sound of gunfire rang in the air Juliet felt herself jump in her chair. Fighting the urge to crawl under her chair, Juliet closed her eyes and enter her happy place. Though, her happy place wasn't technically a place anymore. It wasn't the usual smiles and laughter of her and Shawn. It was just Shawn. Just his beautiful, shining face. Like a still photograph. That's how she wanted to remember him. Laughing, with a smile on his face. Not in the cold, lifeless way that she had seen him at the hospital, or the far too pale and peaceful way he looked in his casket.

Juliet had been keeping track of the shots, even though she wasn't paying full attention to them, so when the final shot rang out, she felt the final piece of her heart break. She didn't cry, mostly because she had cried every last tear she held inside of herself. It was mostly a feeling of despair, as if it hadn't been real until that last shot rang out. Slowly, mostly on auto-pilot, she followed her row of co-workers and family up to the casket. With a shaking hand, she reached out and grabbed hold of Gus's. Juliet didn't trust herself seeing him that close up and not falling apart. A single white rose clasped in her other hand, and one by one she watched as her family and friends said their final goodbye to Shawn. Slowly, the casket was closed, and one by one they laid their rose atop, before moving to stand in front of their seat one final time.

Finally, with a dull thud, and a clickity-clack, Shawn's casket was lowered slowly into the ground. With her eyes closed, Juliet said her final goodbye.

_this is just a dream_

_Just a dream_

With a shuddering gasp, Juliet jerked herself into a sitting position. Sweat glistened off her face, as her body shudder from fear. _**His**_ side of the bed was empty, and she felt a rush of tears slam against her closed eyelids. She gasped for breath, as the realness of the dream overcame her.

Slowly, Juliet pulled the covers from her body, and dangled her legs over the edge of _**their**_ over sized bed. With slight difficulty her feet landed on the floor beneath her. On unsteady legs, Juliet creeped from the bedroom into the bathroom. Her face was red, with a sheen of sweat. Her eyes puffy and bloodshot. Closing them, and taking a deep breath, she forced the tears to stop. With relative ease, she leaned forward and turned on the facet. Sticking her hands underneath, she let the hot water rush over top of them for a moment, before splashing herself in the face.

Quickly, she toweled off her face, and exited the bathroom. Snagging her cell phone from her nightstand, and Shawn's pillow from the bed, Juliet let her body sink to the floor. Clutching the pillow tightly to her chest, and making sure that her emotions were in check, she hit the correct speed dial and waited.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end was groggy, but a smile crossed Juliet's lips.

Before she could stop it, tears flowed freely down her cheeks. "Thank god." It was merely a whisper, but she knew that Shawn would hear her anyway.

"Jules, babe, are you okay?" The grogginess was almost completely gone from his voice, and it now echoed concern.

"I just... I had a bad dream." She sighed out her relief at the realization that it was in fact _**just a dream**_. "But Shawn promise me that you'll let your dad drive himself to the church."

Juliet heard Shawn chuckle on the other end. "Whatever you want sweetheart. Whatever you need."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I couldn't bring myself to actually go through with killing Shawn this time... It was just too painful.**


	14. Don't Think I Don't Think About It

_I left out in a cloud of tail lights and dust_

_Swore I wasn't comin' back_

_Said I'd had enough_

Shawn huffed angrily, his hands balled into fists at his side. His head lulled forward, ducking out of the way of the lamp that had flown toward it. It was their fifth fight this week. Sometimes he wondered why he ever agreed to move in with her, why he ever thought it to be a good idea.

"Just stop already!" He stamped his foot, and realized that he not only sounded, but probably looked like a girl when he did that, but damn it he was sick of the constant bickering.

"Shawn, this-" she paused, gesturing to the disastrous living room, "it's all your fault. If you'd just-"

Shawn's face turned and unnatural shade of purple, and realized that he probably resembled his father. "If I'd only what, Juliet?" His eyebrow cocked, challenging her to say the words.

"Fine-" her arms crossed her chest, an almost permanent frown on her lips. "If you weren't you, Shawn. Just sometimes. My god, it's like I'm living with a four year old sometimes. You never clean up after yourself. Hell, half the time you make a bigger mess than most four year old's would make. It's embarrassing, Shawn!"

Having backed himself against the nearest wall during her rant, Shawn let himself slide halfway down. His eyes screwed in an almost painful way. In all the times that Shawn had pretended to be hurt, this time he actually was. He loved Juliet, there was no denying that, Shawn Spencer didn't ask just anyone to move in with him. However, having her pick him apart like that, exposing his weaknesses like that. It hurt him badly. Fighting against the hot tears, Shawn eyed her carefully. Popping back up to his feet, he started to pace.

"Well, if you feel so strongly, Juliet-" he spat her name out like it was acid in his mouth. If she wanted to hurt him, then she'd hurt him right back. Shawn had always been more the get even type. "Maybe I should just walk right out that door. I mean we obviously can't co-habituate-"

Juliet's hand reached out. "Wait, Shawn. We've had arguments before, let's not doing something rash."

Shawn shook his head, he really was sick of all the fighting. He was over the sadness that never left her eyes. The ocean blue brightness of them had disappeared months ago, and he really was over the whole hurting her part of his anger. He just wanted her to be happy. Hell, he just wanted them both to be happy again. If that meant that their relationship end, even just for a little while, well then so be it.

"No, Juliet. It's not rash. It's been seven months in the making-" He sighed, running a hand over the scratchy stubble that covered the bottom third of his face. They both knew the real reasons for their relationship falling apart, and it wasn't his messiness or childish ways. "Don't make me say it."

Juliet stood, that stubborn look on her face, and he knew that she was going to push him there. She was going to make him hurt her. "Say it, Shawn. Go ahead and tell me why it's been seven months in the making." Her body shook from the tears that threatened to fall. Juliet knew it was wrong, to force him to this point, but after all this time of blaming him, she couldn't just stop like that.

_**One Year Earlier**_

Shawn sauntered into the station, his eyes trained on his favorite detective. Her blond hair, flowing just past her shoulders, and her eyes were bluer than the ocean today. A smile crept onto his lips.

"Hey, sweetie." He bent forward, placing a kiss to the top of her head, before walking around her desk and plopping his body into the extra chair sitting to the right of her desk.

"Hi, Shawn." The purple markings under her eyes showed how tired she was. Her mouth opened to say something else, but Shawn placed a hand on her arm.

"Jules, you need sleep. Why didn't you just call and talk to the chief. I'm sure she would understand." His free hand played with the velvet box in his pocket it.

"Shawn, she would understand, but I'm not ready to tell anyone yet." Her eye brow cocked slightly. She could see the hurt in Shawn's eyes.

"No, your right." A frown formed on his lips, "but I pretty sure people are going to find out, when your head is shoved in a toilet for six hours out of a day. I mean, it's like you have part-time job on the side. A really awful one, that involves throwing up. It's-"

"Shawn-" She sighed, her arm clutching her stomach gently. Her eyes closed, a pained expression on her face. "I really don't want to throw up again." Letting her head lull forward to lay on her cool desktop, she kept her eyes closed.

Shawn placed a hand on her back, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on her back. His eyes grew large as Lassiter started to pass by. "Spencer, what did you do to my partner." Shawn started to sweat. Of course Lassiter would blame Shawn for this.

"I... uh..." Juliet patted his knee, before raising her head.

"He didn't do anything, Carlton. I'm just feeling a little ill, is all."

Lassiter side-stepped her desk, "Ah, well take care of yourself, O'Hara-" He paused, a look of distaste on his face. "Spencer." And he was gone.

_Saw you in the rearview standin'_

_Fadin' from my life_

_But I wasn't turnin' round_

_No not this time_

Juliet sighed, her hands placed firmly on her hips. Her lips puckered out as her forehead creased slightly. Shawn's mind fluttered back to the present, and took in her appearance. Instantly he knew, she wasn't angry anymore, but was trying to hide the hurt.

Knowing he couldn't say the words that would crush her, Shawn turned on his heel and walked down the hallway. He paused at the second door on the left. It was closed, as it always was. Shawn could feel the cracks in his heart separate just a little more. Forcing his eyes closed, Shawn sighed, forcing himself to move forward.

Once he reached his destination, their shared bedroom, he waltzed over to the closet and yanked his suitcase from it. The only way to make them both happy, if only for now, would be if one of them left. Shawn knew that Juliet wouldn't do it, couldn't. So he would. If he'd have to, he'd stay at his dads for the time being.

Yanking back on the zipper, Shawn opened the suitcase, and started haphazardly tossing stuff inside it. Once it was full, he closed the top of it and leaned his full weight down to zip it close. Sighing, and brushing a stray tear away, he grabbed the handle and pulled the suitcase behind him.

Juliet's eyes widen at the sight of his suitcase. She had known that he was going to leave. However, she assumed it would be his usual overnight bag, and that he'd bound right back into the house the very next day. Juliet didn't expect him to pack a suitcase. That wasn't what she wanted. No. What she wanted—needed was for him to finally place the blame of their relationship woes where they needed to be placed.

"Shawn..." Her voice quivered, as tears threatened to fall. She watched as he swallowed hard. Shawn's eyes glassy from unshed tears.

"It's for the best-" Shawn met Juliet's eyes for the first time since he had came back from the bedroom. "I'll always love you, Jules." With that, he leaned forward, and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Never forget that." He reached around her to grab his jacket and the keys to his car.

Shawn walked slowly toward his older model Mustang, the car he had got when he traded in his Norton. He reached the trunk and opened it with relative ease to place his suitcase inside. Unwilling to look back, knowing she'd be standing there watching him. Shawn walked forward, stood beside the driver side door for a moment. He wondered briefly if he was making a mistake, but quickly shook the thought off, unlocked the door and slid inside.

After starting the car and buckling himself in, he rearranged the mirror. All he could see was Juliet, one arm clutched around her midsection as her body spasmed almost painfully, her blue eyes swarming with tears, as her other arm hung loosely at her side.

Swallowing around a lump in his throat, Shawn started the car and threw it into drive. He took off down their driveway, unwilling to look back at her again. He couldn't put himself through that pain again.

_**Six Months Earlier**_

Juliet whined, her feet propped up on the table, her stomach much larger than it should be at only four months pregnant. Shawn swarmed around her, making sure she was as comfortable as she could be. After their scare two days earlier, he wasn't about to take any precautions.

So she fainted. No big deal, right? Wrong. Apparently she was showing early signs of preeclampsia, which caused her blood pressure to sky rocket. Her doctor put her on a strict bed-rest policy, but damned if after two days she wasn't losing her mind.

"Shawn, can't we at least go for a walk?" The whine in her tone made his eyebrow quirk. Shawn knew that the whine was about to take a turn with her mood, and he knew what happened when her mood turned. However, the doctor had said strict bed-rest for at least two weeks. If her blood pressure leveled out by the next two doctor appointments, then she would be taken off of bed-rest.

"I'm sorry, Jules." Shawn flashed her a puppy dog look so cute that most anyone would melt, however Juliet felt like she was slowly going insane sitting on the couch having everything handed to her. Hell, Shawn didn't even let her go to the bathroom alone. Because, apparently using the bathroom is just too stressful to handle alone.

"Fine, Shawn. Can you at least turn something on that isn't-" she paused, trying to figure out what exactly _**was**_ on the television.

"It's classical music, Jules. It's highly recommended for development."

Juliet fixed Shawn with a glare that immediately had him reciting the _**if looks could kill**_ saying in his head. Sighing, he threw up his hands in surrender.

"Okay, what you do you want to watch."

A smile crossed her lips. "Something with you, come sit with me." She patted the seat next to her.

Bounding over, Shawn sat next to her, and sighed contently as she snuggled into his side. "How about an 80's movie marathon?" His eyebrow quirked slightly. Juliet

simply nodded her head in agreement.

_But don't think I don't think about it_

_Don't think I don't have regrets_

_Don't think it don't get to me_

_Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey_

Two months. Two agonizingly long months of sitting at his dad's house, praying that all of this would blow over. He left, it was true, but he did it because it was what Juliet needed. Shawn had always kept the thought in the back of his mind that after a few days or a week that she'd come find him. That she'd apologize, he'd apologize, and everything would get better. However, at the one month anniversary of their breakup, Shawn found it more than he could handle.

He broke into his father's liquor cabinet, I mean who kept a liquor cabinet locked anyway, and found the biggest bottle of whiskey he could. Shawn had sat down at the kitchen table, stared a hole through the bottle. Then he promised himself that he wasn't leaving the table until the bottle was gone, or until he had to throw up.

What Shawn hadn't factored in was the fact that he hadn't drank hardly an ounce of alcohol in nearly a year. The day he found out Juliet was pregnant, they both decided to stop drinking. Though, Juliet's idea of drinking included a glass of wine and a good movie, while Shawn's idea was only slightly different.

By the time a third of the bottle was gone, he found himself stumbling toward the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet to empty the contents of his stomach. That's where he said for the remainder of the night, his head propped against the toilet.

That was a month ago today.

Shawn hastily grabbed the remote, turned off the television and stood up. He was going to be late for work. Though they no longer took cases from the SBPD, Shawn and Gus did take cases from the casual walk ins. Even though they were few and far between. Gus had practically been begging Shawn for the past few days to take one case from the chief. He didn't care if it was the easiest case on the planet, so long as they got paid. Surely the chief had something they could do that wouldn't involve Shawn having to see Juliet.

Everyday, little by little the guilt and the wondering eat away at Shawn. The day he walked away, he was so sure that was what she needed. Hell, he was sure it was what they both needed, but now he isn't quite sure why it was what they needed. Shawn knew he felt like hell, and probably looked worse than he felt. So he wondered how Juliet was doing, how she felt. Then again, two months with no contact whatsoever told him how she felt.

Sighing, Shawn threw on his leather jacket and grabbed the keys for his bike. No need for the car anymore, so he traded it for another motorcycle. Not quite as sleek and lovely as his Norton, but it would do.

_**Five Months Earlier**_

Shawn ran into the hospital, tears flushed against his eyes as he located the information desk. Sliding to a stop, and changing his direction, Shawn squeaked to a stop just in front of the desk. The woman sitting behind it was about his father's age. Her hair was graying at the edges, and the wrinkles at the corner of her eyes were the only things that really gave her age away.

"Juliet O'Hara-" it was all he could force out. He had heard what Lassiter had said, but he couldn't believe it. Not until he saw her.

"Third floor, room 343." The woman nodded her head toward the elevators.

Nodding his head in thanks, Shawn took off toward the elevators, sliding to a stop just before he crashed into them. He had known better than to go out of town, and leave Juliet alone. She was having early complications as it was. Though she had practically screamed at him when he relentlessly said he wasn't going to go. Who cared about a group of friends he hadn't seen in years, they didn't matter. Juliet mattered, and now she was laying in a hospital bed.

Tapping his foot impatiently, Shawn waited a few more seconds for the elevator to make it's final descent. Finally with a jarring clank sound, the elevator settled into it's spot, and it's doors creaked open. Ignoring the people trying to get out, Shawn squeezed himself past and jumped onto the elevators. Watching as the remaining annoyed passengers got off, he hit the button for the third floor, and waited impatiently as the elevator slowly trudged up the floors one by one, before clanking to a stop at the third. Letting the doors open just enough for his body to squeeze through, Shawn darted out and ran down the hall only to slide to a stop just in front of Juliet's room.

Taking a moment to compose himself, Shawn pushed the door open and saw her laying on the bed. Her closed eyes were puffy, and he assumed them to be red as well. Walking slowly inside, he felt something inside himself break, as realization hit him and Lassiter's words came back into the front of his mind. _'She fainted, Shawn. There was nothing I could do. She fell down the stairs.'_

Shawn's head jerked up, when he heard the blankets that covered Juliet's body rustle. Hazel eyes met blue eyes, and tears welled up in both.

"I'm so sorry, Shawn." it was a low whimper.

Shawn let one hand covers hers, while the other caressed her cheek. "Shush. It's okay. You need to sleep-"

"Our baby is dead, Shawn." The words were like knives into his heart, and seeing Juliet break like that nearly sent him over the edge. No way, would him breaking down fix this situation at all.

"There was nothing you could do-"

Her eyes snapped back to his, and he saw a hatred in them unlike anything he'd ever seen. Though he could tell right away that the hatred wasn't for him, but it was for herself. "I could have listened, but no. I was bored, and you left-"

Shawn held up a hand, he couldn't hear this. He wouldn't let her blame herself. Not while she was in this weakened state. No until she was better, until she healed, Shawn would let her blame him. "I shouldn't have left. This is my fault."

_When we make choices we gotta live with them_

_Heard ya found a real good man and ya married him_

_I wonder sometimes if I cross your mind_

_Where would we be today_

_If I never drove that car away_

Shawn's hand shook as he strutted his way into the station. It was the first time he actually walked into this place in nearly a year. A full year without one shred of communication with Juliet. The fact of the matter was, he didn't think he could stand to see her. Hell, he heard from Gus that she had been seeing someone else. Even worse, was his randomly running into Lassiter who painfully explained that Juliet had recently gotten married.

A pain shot through his heart at the memory, and the fact of the matter was that Gus had been hiding something from him lately. Shawn wasn't an idiot, he knew when his best friend was hiding something, and the last time Gus had tried so hard to hide something from him, Juliet had gotten married. So that was why he was fighting against every screaming fiber of his being, to walk into a building that he never really wanted to step into again.

He could see her from where he stood, and she was smiling. Laughing lightly at the man standing beside her, her wedding band glinting in the light. He felt sick. The engagement ring that he had given to her, the one she removed after their child had died. She had promised to put the ring back on, when she felt she deserved it.

Shawn was angry, sad, depressed, and desperately wanted to hit something. Fighting against the strong urge to turn around and leave before he could be seen, he forced himself forward.

"Shawn!" He knew the voice if only because of how chipper it was.

Forcing a smile to his lips, Shawn turned, "Hey Nabby!" He patted a man that had once been a good friend on the back. Quickly, he noticed that McNabb wasn't wearing his usual uniform. "Where's the uniform- are you off today?" Shawn's eyebrow quirked, looking at Juliet from the corner of his eye, noting that she hadn't noticed the disruption.

"Naw, Shawn. I'm a detective now. Well, junior detective, but still. Cool, right?" Even though Shawn felt like his life was slowly spinning out of control, he couldn't stop the genuine smile that crossed his lips. He was happy for McNabb.

"That's great, Nabby!" He patted Buzz on the shoulder, and then took off.

He couldn't not see her now, not after watching her from afar for this long. He might have lost her, but Shawn hoped that at least a part of her missed him. Walking slowly, he came to a stop in front of her desk. The man she was entertaining looked his way first, followed by a low gasp. Their eyes met, and the fireworks that had been there from the start flamed immediately.

"Hey, Jules. Long time now see. How are things?" Shawn was quite uncertain how he got through that without his voice breaking, but he was glad for it nevertheless.

"I'm good, Shawn-" He couldn't say the same for Juliet. Her eyes were swimming with unshed tears. "Gary, can you give us a minute."

Shawn watched in stunned silence as Gary leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips before disappearing. When he regained control, Shawn saw that she was staring at him. Yanking a chair that lined the wall behind him, he pulled it up so he could sit down. Making himself comfortable was his only excuse to delay communication, but that wouldn't last.

"You know..." It was merely a statement.

Sighing, and running a shaky hand over his face, he nodded. "I ran into Lassipoo."

"Shawn-"

He held up a hand. It felt like deja-vu. "I just need to know one thing, Juliet. Do you ever think about me?"

Juliet's eyes fell to her desk, as her fingers rolled a pen around. Finally, without looking back up she whispered. "Yes."

Shawn let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. "Okay, then-" He paused, ready to congratulate her on her marriage when he noticed the bulging of her stomach. His heart dropped, and tears pressed against his eyes. He took several deep breaths. "Wow. Uh, congratulations, Jules."

He stood, he couldn't take it any longer. It was suddenly hard to breath. Shawn walked out of the station for the very last time.


	15. Need You Now

_Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor._

_Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore._

Juliet sighed, the glass of wine sitting untouched on the coffee table in front of her. Her legs curled up underneath her, tears present in her eyes, as she flipped another page in the photo album. A sad smile crossed her lips, as her eyes gazed upon the four photos that littered the left-hand page.

The first photograph was her and Shawn at the pier. They had been taking a walk together, their hands inner locked and smiles plastered on their faces. She had always been blissfully happy with him.

"_**Shawn, it's getting chilly out." Juliet whined. **_

_**It had been unseasonably cold in Santa Barbara recently, and Juliet didn't particularly like colder climates. That's why, when she decided to move from Miami, she chose a warm place like California. God knows what would happen, if she had gotten stuck some place up north, like Minnesota.**_

"_**I know, Jules." A smile crept onto his features, pulling his hand from hers and snaking it around her body. He pulled her close, closing his eyes and inhaling her scent.**_

_**Juliet snuggled herself closer into his body, her eyes closed and a content smile on her face. **_

"_**Jules, I have a great idea!" His enthusiasm got her excited.**_

"_**What is it, Shawn?" Her eyes twinkled brightly. **_

_**Pulling his cell phone from his pocket, Shawn turned away from the lapping water. "Excuse me, sir."**_

_**An older gentleman with graying hair stopped and turned toward Shawn. A kind smile on his face.**_

"_**Could you take a picture of me and my girlfriend?" She couldn't see Shawn's face, but knew that he had that pleading puppy dog look on it. **_

"_**Of course." The man smiled brightly, as he took the phone Shawn handed him. **_

_**Pulling Juliet into a sideways hug, Shawn smiled brightly for the picture. Never before had he ever been so happy. Juliet might be his polar opposite, he was also his perfect match. She kept him in check, and made sure that he stayed out of trouble. For the most part anyway.**_

_**The phone clicked, and the man handed it back to Shawn. "Thank you, sir!" **_

"_**Your welcome, young man."**_

Juliet whimpered as the memories assaulted her. Their two year anniversary, in which Shawn had taken to her favorite restaurant. The food had been pre-ordered, and the best table in the restaurant was all theirs.

She sighed, flipping the page, not realizing how far into the photo album she had gone. Her breath caught in her throat, as tears slid down her cheeks.

_**Shawn walked quietly down the pier with her. His arm draped lazily over her shoulders. She knew something was up, he was never this quiet. Usually by now, Shawn was right in the middle of animatedly talking about his day with Gus. Like last week when he had borrowed Gus's car without asking, and his best friend ended up chasing Shawn around the psych office for hours.**_

_**The further they walked, the more worried Juliet became. Had something happened, or worse... was he breaking up with her? She honestly didn't think that was the problem, they had been happier they had been the past few months.**_

_**Suddenly, Shawn stopped, yanking Juliet to a stop with him. Confusion was written on Juliet's face, as a mix of emotions was written on Shawn's, the strongest of which was fear. Which only made Juliet worry more. **_

"_**Jules. Are you hungry?" A smile crept onto the edge of his lips, but it was unable to reach his eyes. **_

_**She knew something was wrong... not right. If it hadn't been for his quietness, and the look in his eyes, it would have been that smile. It was not his curious, carefree smile that lit up every ounce of her being every time she saw it. It was as if he knew she was on to him, so he had to plaster something onto his face that resembled a smile. **_

"_**Sure." Her voice was quiet, almost meek with tension and worry. **_

_**He grabbed hold of her hand, and walked a few more steps before turning and checking for traffic before dodging across the street. A small smile crossed her lips when she saw the place he was dragging her toward. It was **__their__** diner. Opening the door, Juliet slipped inside with Shawn following behind her. His hands were on her hips as she glided forward. Suddenly she stopped, not only was the diner full of people, but it was full of people she knew.**_

_**Lassiter sat with Chief Vick, Buzz and his wife. Other officers from the station were scattered about the station, but it was a small group of people near the front of the diner that had her full attention. Her family. Her parents, brothers- everyone was gathered in three separate booths.**_

_**Everyone stopped what they were doing once they realized that Shawn and Juliet had entered the building. Her mother's face with glowing with pride, and her father had a smile on his face. Hell, even her brothers were laughing and smiling widely. **_

_**Turning slightly, Juliet looked up at Shawn who was now grinning widely. This time it reached his eyes, and lit up his face in such a way that it made Juliet's heart sink. **_

"_**Jules. Today is a special day, an anniversary of sorts. Today is the 7**__**th anniversary of the day I met you. If I'm not mistaking," he paused, his hand clasped in hers and as he pulled her further into the building, stopping at the exact stool she had sat on when they had met. The one that had belonged to her favorite, most handsome fake psychic. "You stole this seat from me. But because you were just shining with beauty, I decided to concede the seat, in order to just talk to you. That was the first day of my life that I was really happy, meeting you. Everyday since then has been like a gift. Getting to know you, and slowly falling in love with you. So, for the past week I've been sitting this up. Gathering your family-" he paused, sweeping his hand toward the three booths near the front, "My family-" he swept his arm toward the back where his father, mother, and Gus were sitting together, "and our friends. Because, Jules, I don't think I can go one more day with asking you something every important." He paused, swallowed hard, before reaching into his back jean pocket. Kneeling to a knee, he held out a black velvet box. "Juliet O'Hara, will you make me the happiest, luckiest man alive, and agree to marry me?"**_

_**He flipped the lid open, and waited. Juliet stared at him unable to do anything. She wanted to scream yes from the top of her lungs, and launch herself into his arms. Yet she couldn't force her body to do anything.**_

That had been the happiest day of her life. She sniffled lightly, the ring still sat on her finger. Juliet couldn't believe how hard she found it was to take it off. She knew taking it off meant that it was truly over, and she couldn't take that. Truth be told, she didn't want it to be over. She loved him to much to let it just end like that.

Without thinking about it, she felt her fingertips reach out and snag her cell phone from it's perch beside her on the couch. Looking down at it, she saw that she already had Shawn's number up, when had that happened? A warmness filled her heart, knowing that all she had to do was press down on the send button and she would be connected to him. Her eyes caught the clock, one in the morning. If any part of this was normal, she'd be in bed sound asleep. However, this was not normal, which was why she was wide awake, but was Shawn awake?

_Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door._

_Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before._

Shawn tipped his head back, the glass cold against his lips. The liquid rushed into his mouth and down his throat in one burning motion. Grimacing, he fisted the bottle tightly, refilling his shot glass. He knew that his eyes were constantly moving toward the door, hoping that she'd walk through it and kill the pain he was drowning in.

However, the door didn't open, like it hadn't for days. Hell, as far as Shawn could tell, it could have been months or years. Not since the last day she walked through that door. It was his fault, that much he could tell through his continued drunken haze.

_**Shawn sat at the table. The half empty bottle in front of him. It didn't worry him though, he had three more hidden through-out the apartment. Jules would never find them. Even if she did, it didn't matter. She understood the pain he was attempting to drink away. Juliet had to at least give him that. It didn't help that she yelled at him everyday. **_

_**He heard the door squeak open, but didn't turn to face it. An exasperated sigh was the only sound that followed. Not her heels on the hardwood, or a simple hello. Just a very tired sounding sigh. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Shawn knew this was hard on her too. He had been her friend too...**_

"_**Shawn, am I ever going to be able to come home, and you not be drinking?" He knew it was rhetorical question, and yet he felt a need to answer it.**_

"_**Maybe- who the hell knows..."**_

_**He was almost certain that he heard her sniffle, but he refused to turn around. Turning around meant facing her, and facing her when she was in this mood meant crying... Frankly he didn't have the ability to cry anymore. He didn't want to cry anymore, that's why he started drinking. It kept the tears away. **_

"_**It's been four months, Shawn. Your not even making an attempt to move on." Her words were not harsh, they weren't meant to hurt him, and yet they did. Stung him, directly in his heart. **_

_**He stood up, looked at her. Tears were in her eyes, and he knew he was hurting her. He couldn't take it anymore. Shawn knew he'd never be the same again, he felt it when the bullet ripped through Gus's chest. Even if he had survived, Shawn would have been forever changed. It was okay if Shawn got hurt, he could take that. He couldn't take watching his friends get hurt... or worse.**_

_**Shawn knew what he had to do, and it was going to hurt like hell, but he knew she'd move on. She was strong, much stronger than himself. Grabbing the bottle by the neck, he chucked it against the wall. It hit it's spot, close enough to scare her, but not close enough to hurt her. **_

"_**Maybe I don't want to move on! Did you ever come to think of that, or are you too busy being selfish! He was my family! My brother, and now he's dead! There how is that for moving the hell on! I honestly don't even know what I ever saw in you! Leave!"**_

The look on her face would be forever engraved in his mind. Damn his photographic memory. Damn it straight to hell! Not only could he not get the day that Gus died out of his mind, but he couldn't get the shattered look Juliet had given him out of his mind.

Grabbing the bottle of whiskey in front of him, he threw it against the wall and watched it shatter. Tears filled his eyes, and he brushed at them angrily. His cell phone started ringing, and he nearly jumped out of his seat. He'd know that ring-tone anywhere. Running to his phone, his eyes bleary, he made out the name. _**Juliet**_.

_It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now._

_Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now._

Shawn accepted the call, through his drunken haze a small smile crossed his lips. This was her first attempt at contacting him since the day she walked out the front door. Taking a deep breath, "Hello." He hated the fact that there was a slight slur to the word. Shawn had been hoping to hide the fact that he was still a drunken mess.

Juliet waited through two rings, her patience was wearing thin. He as obviously asleep- or didn't want to talk to her. As the phone started it's third ring, she heard the obvious click of acceptance. She waited with baited breath, and heard him breathing deeply. His voice was husky and the end of the word slurred slightly. Should it have surprised her that he was still drinking for the sheer fact of getting drunk? Juliet couldn't feel lower than she did in that exact moment. She had known he needed help. Real, actual professional help, and instead of getting him the help he so desperately needed, she had let his words hurt her. Juliet had known the moment that they had come out his mouth, that he didn't mean it. Even though on the surface his eyes spoke of hate, she could see through that mask, and the pain so evident underneath. Yet, she left him there to wallow in his pain.

Suddenly, she realized that she hadn't spoken yet. "Hi, Shawn." Juliet rolled her eyes. How could she just speak to him like the past few months hadn't happened. Like she hadn't just left him at his most vulnerable time. Even if he hadn't really meant the words he had spoken that day, she could see the truth in them. She was selfish. To just leave the man she supposedly loved to wallow himself to death.

Shawn sat, one last shot glass full of whiskey. He had destroyed his last bottle when he chucked it against the wall. It was time to give it up. Yes, his best friend was dead. Yes, it hurt like hell. However, he did still have people that cared about him, and it took Juliet calling him for him to realize that he was still hurting them, even if he did cut off all communication.

Looking down, he saw that his hands were shaking. Juliet still hadn't said anything, but he knew she was still on the line. He could hear her breathing. So he sat, patiently, then he heard the deep intake of breath, and she spoke. His entire body shook with longing at the sound of her voice. Shawn hadn't realized just how badly he had missed her until she spoke.

Unable to fit it anymore, a few tears broke through the barriers he had been sitting up for the past couple of months. He wasn't able to keep them in any longer, and they rushed down the sides of his cheeks in mach speed. Without realizing it, a sob broke free of his mouth.

"Shawn?" Her voice sounded so worried, and it broke his heart even more.

"Jules-" He bit on his fist to keep another sob in. "I missed you, so much."

He hated how whiny his voice sounded, but at least he was actually speaking his feelings. It felt wonderful to finally say out-loud what he had been thinking for so long now. Shawn couldn't count how many times he had picked up the phone to call her, only to chicken out and end the call before it could connect.

"I need you so bad-"

It was his turn to hear a sob. He had hurt her again.

"I'm sorry, Jules. I shouldn't have said-"

"No, Shawn. I'm on my way over. We need to talk."

Shawn sobered up slightly, the tears starting to ebb just a little bit. "Okay."

"I'll see you in ten minutes."

Shawn smiled slightly through the remaining tears. They were going to talk. Hopefully they'd be able to get past these past few months, and break into a new place in their relationship. At the very least, he hoped that they could be friends again, because he couldn't take not having Juliet in his life. He'd already lost one best friend, he couldn't stand losing his only other best friend.


	16. All In

_All night staring at the ceiling_

_counting for minutes I've been feeling this way_

_So far away and so alone_

Shawn stared at the textured ceiling above his bed. The right side of the bed was cold, as it has been for the past three days. Shawn placed his hand on it, and ran it up and down the entire right side before sighing. Turning onto his side, he grabbed the vacant pillow and pulled it against his cheek. He buried his nose into the soft cotton pillowcase. Taking a sniff, he smiled sadly. It still held a little of her fragrance.

Three days that Juliet's been gone. He sighed again, before flinging himself onto his back. A sad smile etched on his face. It would be okay though. Three days were down, only four more remained until she returned to him. Though, Shawn could say he firmly hated undercover cases. No, wait. He didn't hate _**all**_ undercover cases, just the ones that didn't involve him.

Shawn picked at a loose thread on the blanket that covered his shirtless torso. He couldn't believe that the chief didn't trust him enough to go undercover with Juliet. She was his girlfriend after all, he would make sure she was safe. Shutting his eyes, Shawn was assaulted with a number of images. All of which revolved around the day that Juliet left. Gus's teary eyes, fearful for his friends that were going undercover, and knowing that he'd single-handily would have to keep Shawn entertained. The chief giving stern orders to Juliet and Lassier, before turning toward Shawn. Her finger pointing at him, as she explained that because he was not a cop he couldn't join them. Finally, the tears in Juliet's eyes as she wrapped her arms around Shawn.

Shawn sighed, and swiped a hand across his eyes. Got, he could still feel her lips against his neck as she promised to stay safe. When she promised that she would be back in seven days. He had fought back the tears, and forced a smile on his lips, as he promised to be waiting at the airport for her. One sad, tear-filled smile, and she promised to run straight into his arms. She had kissed him softly on the lips, and that quickly she had left.

_But you know it's alright_

_I came to my senses_

_Letting go of my defenses_

Gus entered the psych office, and jumped when he saw Shawn sitting in his office chair. A very real smile on his face, as his leg bounced up and down. Something was up. It had to be. Gus hadn't seen Shawn so much as act happy since Juliet left for her undercover case. Now he was grinning like an idiot who just won the lottery.

"Shawn, what did you do?" Gus's eyebrow quirked. He wasn't taking any chances. Shawn was usually unpredictable, and that was enough to have Gus on high alert.

"I haven't done anything, _**yet**_." Shawn's eyebrows waggled, as his smile grew to epic portions.

"What do you mean by yet, Shawn?" Gus asked, as he took a step toward his desk. Yanking back the chair, he examined it before sitting down in it.

"I've made a decision my good friend! I'm going to ask Juliet to marry me, and you get to help me pick out a ring!"

Gus's eyes bulged as his mouth dropped open. Shawn was not the settling down type. That just wasn't who he was. Though Gus had always thought that a girl would eventually wrangle him into settling down, but not for a good long while. Then again, Juliet was a special kind of girl. Like the fact that she was one of the only people who could actually get Shawn to stay on topic.

"Gus, if you don't close your mouth soon, then you'll start catching flies. Didn't take you for a frog-"

Gus's mouth snapped shut, but the surprised look on his face didn't seem to leave. Shawn—engaged- the words just did not fit together.

"Honestly, Gus! No congratulations? Not cool, dude!" Shawn pretended to pout, as he twirled his chair around.

Gus snapped back to reality, "Sorry- uh, congrats."

"You don't sound very happy for me, Gus. I'm kinda disappointed. Kinda like that time I ordered a pineapple smoothie but got strawberry-banana instead." He sighed dramatically. "That day still haunts me, Gus! I mean, who in their right mind would choose strawberry-banana over pineapple!"

Gus smiled, and hoped that it fooled Shawn. It wasn't that he wasn't happy for his best friend, of course he was! It was more of the fact that Shawn is like a small child. His attention does not stay on the same thing for long, and Gus was just really hoping that Shawn wouldn't end up hurting Juliet.

"I'm sorry, Shawn. I am happy for you! Of course I am, your my best friend! It's just-"

"Your afraid I'm going to hurt her." Sadness escaped his facade, the glimmer of light that had filled his eyes disappeared for a moment, and Gus saw that Shawn had thought about this as well. "I'm afraid too, Gus! I love her so much, and I would hate myself if I hurt her. I'm not rushing into this at all! I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I just—I couldn't sleep last night because her side of the bed is all cold—I won't hurt her!"

Gus nodded, "Of course you won't, Shawn."

_And I'm all in, nothing left to hide_

_I've fallen harder than a landslide_

_I spent a week away from you last night_

_I'm all in, I'm all in tonight, _

_yeah I'm all in, I'm all in for life_

Shawn's knees bounced up and down at a heightened speed, as he sat as patiently as he could in the airport. Juliet's plane was scheduled to touch down in a matter of minutes. His eyes continually scanned the sky, and he could feel his heart rate speed up when a new plane came into view.

His fingers brushed lightly against his jacket pocket, as a smile crossed his lips. They had definitely had some hard times, he would admit that. Their relationship had hit a few speed bumps, and they had their fair share of disagreements. All of that, however, did not mean that they didn't love each other. Because they did. He could feel it in the way that she kissed him. The way that she always snuggles in closer to him as their both drifting off to sleep.

Tonight, he was going to prove his love to her, and nothing is going to stand in his way. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he stood up. She should be walking through that gate any minute now. At which point, he planned on whisking her away to dinner. He had made reservations at her favorite restaurant. After which, he planned on taking her dancing. Shawn had always made it his personal mission to make sure that no woman ever find out that he could actually dance. However, he found that he wanted Juliet to know every single thing about him. So, after he dances her off her feet, he is taking her home, dropping to one knee and hoping she'll make him the happiest man alive.

Shawn swiped a hand against his brow as his eyes locked onto hers. A smile crossed both of their lips simultaneously. Swiftly walking forward, Shawn met her instantly. He pulled her against his chest, and inhaled her scent. It was absolutely intoxicating, and Shawn didn't want to break apart from her. Sighing heavily, Shawn reluctantly pulled away. Snaking one of his arms around her back, and pulling her into his side.

"I missed you so much." Shawn mumbled, his head leaning against hers, as they walked slowly forward.

He could feel Juliet smile at his words, and his heart swelled. "I missed you too, Shawn." Juliet sounded exhausted, as they made their way to the baggage claim.

"Oh yeah, just keep on walking lovebirds. Don't worry!" A deep voice rang from behind them.

Shawn grinned, his good mood rising into a great one. Dropping his arm for a moment, he spun around to stare at Lassiter. "Lassie-Face! Oh it is so good to see you! How dare you think I forgot about you!"

Shawn moved toward Lassiter, his arms outstretched. "Spencer, if you so much as touch me-"

"Carlton!" Juliet's voice barked around a laugh.

"But Lassie, I missed you! I gave Jules a hug. It's only fair that I give you one too! Come on Lassie, hug me!"

Lassiter side-stepped Shawn's advancement, and made a move toward baggage claim.

"I am hurt. My heart is breaking as I speak. Lassie! Don't run away. Lassie come back!"

Juliet swatted playfully at Shawn's hand. "Most people runaway from Carlton, except you. You make him runaway." Her eyes danced playfully.

"What can I say. It's the Shawn Spencer charm." He smiled at her, before kissing her lips. Moaning, he slipped an arm around her back and pulled her against his side again.

"Well, you definitely have enough of that." Juliet said, as they made their way back over to the baggage claim.

* * *

><p>Shawn smiled firmly, as Juliet said a final goodbye to Lassiter who kept edging himself closer and closer to his car. Shawn fought the urge to beat him to the driver's side, and engage him in a giant bear hug. The only thing stopping him, except for the fear of losing his life, was being late to his dinner reservation. Checking his watch, he knew that if Juliet didn't hurry up, that they'd never make it in time. The restaurant has a strict policy that includes, if you're late then your reservation goes to someone else.<p>

"Hey, Jules, are you hungry?" Shawn asked, trying to keep the pleading tone from his voice.

She turned toward him, an annoyed look on her face. Fabulous! "Actually-" Her face scrunched up. "I am!" She smiled as she waved to Lassiter before walking toward the car. Shawn had already put her luggage into the trunk, all he was waiting for was Juliet. So as she stood in front of Shawn, he merely pushed himself off the car, and opened the door for her.

"After you, milady." Juliet giggled, as she entered the car.

Shawn jogged around to the other side, and slipped inside. Putting the key in the ignition, Shawn threw the green VW Bug into gear, and took off toward Santa Barbara's most famous Italian restaurant.

"So, where are we going?" Her eyebrow cocked. Shawn's Adam apple bobbed uncomfortably in his throat. He was sure that she was onto him.

"Aldo's-"

Shawn smiled at the look on Juliet's face. "Aldo's is my favorite! Oh god, how much I've been wanting some good Italian!"

"I figured as much. That's why I made reservations. You know, to make sure that we get a table. I mean, it is Sunday night, Jules. You know that place is crazy busy on Sunday's."

She chuckled. "Thank you, Shawn. I appreciate this!"

* * *

><p>Shawn smiled around a big bite of spaghetti. "How's your Alfredo?" It was what they usually did when they went to Aldo's. Shawn would be adventurous, try something new every time, and Juliet would get the chicken Alfredo. It was the only thing that she knew for sure that she liked, and she hated the thought of getting something, and not eating it.<p>

"It's absolutely wonderful! How is your pizza spaghetti?" Juliet's nose wrinkled up at the sound of that.

"It fabulous, Jules! Here try a bite." He grabbed a little bit of everything that was in his plate, and placed it on the edge of a piece of garlic bread. Shawn's theory was that any Italian food tasted ten times better sitting atop garlic bread.

Juliet took the bread from Shawn, and eyed the food atop it. Her nose wrinkled slightly. Who in their right mind would put pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, sausage, ham, and pineapple (as per Shawn's complaint!) in spaghetti? Pulling the bread to her lips, Juliet took a generous bite. Her eyes closed as the flavors mixed together in her mouth.

"Wow! That is really good." She smiled around her food.

"See, told you!" Shawn said, as he shoved a generous amount of pizza spaghetti covered bread in his mouth. "So, Jules. Are you tired." His eyebrow cocked.

"Depends on what your implying, Mr. Spencer." Her eyebrow wagged.

"Well, I figured since we went to a nice restaurant. We could make this a date night. We could go dancing, bowling-" Shawn prayed she got his hint.

"Shawn! I love dancing." She smiled at him.

He huffed, trying to pull of irritation. "I figured. Okay, I know a nice little place we can go. After that, we can go home and relax. Maybe watch a movie."

Juliet smiled, as she continued to pick at her food.

* * *

><p>Shawn swung Juliet around the dance floor, as she chuckled loudly. As the music drew to a close, a shocked laugh escaped her mouth, as Shawn dipped her down and kissed her lips. When he pulled her back up, she smiled softly at him. Her hand placed firmly on his chest.<p>

"Shawn, I didn't know you could dance like that!" A giggle escaped her lips. Juliet was slightly unsure why she felt as giddy as a school girl dancing with the football captain.

He smiled shyly. "Well, it isn't exactly a skill I brag about. What with how I rag on my dad about his cooking—and well bathing habits-" Shawn shuddered outwardly, before shaking his head. "He wouldn't let me hear the end of it. Plus, you put 'extravagant dancer' on your dating profile, and it causes girls to make you go dancing all the time-"

Juliet's nose wrinkled slightly. "So, why did you show me your talent?" Eyebrow cocked, Juliet could tell by Shawn's current fidgeting status, that something was up.

Shawn sighed when he saw the mischievous glint in Juliet's eyes. She knew something was up. He had said to much! He should have just left it alone with the dad explanation. Well, now was as good a time as any right? Why hide something as wonderful as asking the woman of your dreams to marry you? I mean, sure they were currently surrounded by strangers, but who cares!

"Well, Juliet. I wanted you to know all I had to offer you. I mean, you know—aside from the natural rugged good looks, chiseled jaw line, and hair that most would kill for." An easy smile crossed his lips, as the mischievous glint left his eyes. It was time to get serious. Shawn took her hand carefully. "I want you to know _**me**_, Jules. I want you to know that no matter what happens. No matter what we go through in life, that I'm here. I am _**all**_ in. Because I love you, and I honestly can't picture my life without you in it. I can't picture my life without you in my arms, Juliet. So-" Shawn coughed lightly, trying to hide the tears that were currently filling his eyes, as he knelt down on one knee. "Juliet Margaret O'Hara, will you do me the greatest honor, and agree to be my wife?"

A hand flew to Juliet's mouth, as a tear streaked down her cheek. She couldn't speak. She was frozen, and she watched as his eyes grew wide as he waited for her answer. Choking back a sob, she smiled through the tears. "Yes, Shawn. Oh, god, yes!"

He rose up, and placed the ring on her finger, before enveloping her in a hug. Today would go down as one of the happiest days of his life.

_There's no taking back_

_what we've got's too strong,_

_we've had each other's back for too long_

Shawn laughed loudly, a proud smile on his face. His nine month old daughter used her tiny hands to pull herself to a standing position. His finger jostled the ring that sat on his left hand. The day he had asked Juliet to marry him, had been one of his happiest moments, and those moments kept growing in size. Like the day they finally walked up that beach, hand in hand, for the first time as Mr. and Mrs. Spencer. However, the single happiest day was when Juliet told him she was pregnant. It had only been three months into their marriage, and they had both been afraid. Juliet was terrified that Shawn would run, and Shawn was terrified that he would ruin a perfectly good child.

However, the day that Elizabeth Carly Spencer was born, every single doubt that both of them had went away. In it's place was an undying happiness that brought them even closer together.

Right now, Lizzie was currently using her robustly tiny fingers to hold her chubby body in an upward position.

"Jules! The camera. If we miss this again, my dad is going to kill me—actually I think Lassie will too. He did sort of threaten it." Shawn smirked.

Juliet rounded the corner, camcorder in hand and a smile on her face, as she video taped her tiny daughter weebly pull herself across the room. Her fingers locked tightly on the table as she did a sort of sideways walk.

Elizabeth's tiny blond curls bobbed against the side of her chubby cheeks, as her green eyes locked onto Juliet's. Her face split into a huge grin, as she let go of the table, and wobbled toward Juliet.

"Jules, are you getting this?" Shawn asked, as he went from a kneeling position on the floor, to a standing position. He walked carefully behind Elizabeth as she weaved around the house like someone who had too much to drink. His hands out in front of him ready to caught her.

"Yes, honey. That is the point of the camcorder." Juliet smiled, as she glanced up toward her husband. With the camcorder pointed directly at Elizabeth, she hadn't been able to see Shawn fully. Just that he was doing what he considered '_The Penguin Walk_'. She chuckled lightly, as his movements mimicked Elizabeth's. His arms out in front of him as he did a slow side-step walk that made him seem slightly off balanced. "Shawn, you're going to fall-"

Her words didn't come quickly enough, as the toe of his shoe hit the leg of the coffee table. His body flew forward. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Elizabeth start to topple over. Reacting quickly, Shawn turned his body slightly, reaching his arms out to snag Elizabeth as she started to fall. Twisting further, Shawn landed back first on the coffee table. The legs of the table gave out, causing the remainder of the table, and Shawn to fall to the floor. Groaning, his eyes squeezed shut, Shawn felt as Juliet snagged Elizabeth from his hands.

"That table is so not made as well as the salesman let on!" Shawn mumbled.

* * *

><p>Shawn grumbled, his legs dangling off the side of the bed. Juliet looked at him sternly, her hands placed on her hips. Frowning, Shawn laid back carefully, hissing lightly.<p>

"Shawn, are you alright?" The stern look on her face disappeared, and was replaced with one of concern.

"Yeah, pineappley fine!" Slowing moving himself into a more comfortable position.

"I think it's peachy fine, Shawn." Juliet smiled, as her hand snaking out to grab hold of his.

"I've heard it both ways." He grinned widely. Pain or not, Juliet could always make him feel better with a smile.

"Ah, Mr. Spencer?" A voice interrupted them from behind.

"Yes." He looked up at the interruption, the smile never leaving his face.

"I'm Dr. Mahoney. You're scans came back clean. There was no damage to your back. I firmly believe that you simply pulled some muscles. You will probably have a pretty nasty bruise as well. Here is a prescription for pain pills. Here are some stretches that I recommend you do daily for a few weeks. Also, alternate heat and ice for a few days."

Shawn shook his head, as Juliet accepted the papers from the doctor. He moved to get up, when the doctor held up a hand.

"The nurse will be with you in a moment. She has some papers you need to sign. Until then, take it easy."

With that he exited the room, and shut the door behind him. Shawn looked over at Juliet. Her head leaning against her hand. A content smile on her face. He sighed contently, reaching out for her hand.

"Juliet, will you do me a giant favor?" His eyes lit up instantly when she nodded her head. "Will you remarry me?" He smiled widely, as she looked at him with confusion.

"Remarry you?" Her eyebrows shot up. "What exactly do you mean?"

He laughed lightly, sitting up, trying to hide the pain it caused his abused back muscles. "I mean, will you renew your vows with me? I just thought it sounded cooler to ask you to remarry me."

Juliet chuckled lightly, her hand reaching out and rubbing his stubble filled cheek. "Of course I'll remarry you!"

_And I'm all in, calling out your name_

_Even if I lose the game, I'm all in, I'm all in for life_

Shawn smiled broadly, his hands interlocked in front of him. His eyes forward, watching as Elizabeth teetered down the aisle, his mother holding her hand all the way down. Once she was standing just a few feet from Shawn, she wobbled faster, the tiny basket that was clutched tightly in her little fist forgotten. Her arms outstretched, Shawn jumped down in front of her, scooping her up before she had a chance to fall.

Shawn's mom stepped in front of him, her arms outstretched as Shawn passed Elizabeth off to Madeline. She smiled, and patted Shawn's cheek, before taking a seat beside Carlton Lassiter.

Reclaiming his spot next to Gus, Shawn waited with bated breath, as Karen Vick sauntered softly down the aisle. A proud smile on her face, causing Shawn to wink at her. The first time Juliet and himself had gotten married, Karen had explained how proud she was of the man he had grown into. She had told him, with pride shining in her eyes, that it was a little at a time, but that Juliet O'Hara had turned him into the man that he was born to become.

Karen stood opposite of Shawn and Gus, all eyes turning toward the front. Juliet came into view, as Henry Spencer guided her carefully down the aisle. The rewedding was nowhere as extravagant as their real wedding. It wasn't a black tie event. Shawn worn an iron pressed button down shirt, white in color, with black slacks. Gus mirrored Shawn's look, almost to a tee. Karen wore a knee length purple dress, and Juliet wore a knee length black dress. Even still, she was the most beautiful woman Shawn had ever saw.

He met Juliet, as Henry let go of her arm. Her hand clasped in his, they both returned to their assigned positions. Shawn heard the preacher begin his speech, but found himself unable to concentrate. Not unlike the first time they did this. His eyes probed around their surroundings. The water crashing onto shore, the light breeze that was blowing through Juliet's hair. His eyes probed the audience. Carlton sat, his hands on either side of his legs, as Elizabeth perched herself onto his lap. Henry sat beside Madeline, and if Shawn wasn't mistaken, they were holding hands. Buzz sat in the row behind his family. His wife sat beside him, with their two year old son perched in her lap. Today was a fantastic day. Just as it had been merely a year and a half earlier.

Shawn's attention went back to his wife, her blond curls bouncing freely in the wind. The smile on her face, lit up her eyes in such a beautiful way. Taking a deep breath, Shawn listened carefully as Juliet received the vows she had written for him. It was almost his turn, and for once in his life he was going all out. He was going to be mushy, and lovely and he didn't care what anyone thought about it.

"Shawn, would you now like to read the vows you wrote for Juliet?"

Shawn simply nodded his head. He didn't need a piece of paper. Everything he wanted to say was vivid in his mind. Taking a deep breath, he smiled. "Juliet. Most people say that after the first year of marriage that the intense love that you feel at the beginning starts to die down. It starts to be taken over by contentment, by the knowledge that you have that one person that makes your heart skip a beat. However, after a year and a half of marriage, Juliet, I am still just as madly in love with you as I always have been. When I look at Elizabeth, I see your blond hair and brilliant smile, and my heart swells with so much love that I feel like it might explode from pure happiness."

Shawn paused, and noticed the tears in Juliet's eyes. Swiping a hand against the wetness on his cheeks, he continued. "No matter what life might throw our way. No matter what happens, I am here no matter what. From this day on, Juliet Spencer, I am all in."

Shawn's focus on Juliet didn't let up until he heard the preacher announce he could kiss his wife. Oh, yes, today was absolutely perfect.


	17. And Still

**A/N: I apologize for a couple of things. First off, no I did not forget about this, I've just been trying to get some writing done on my first FF in a series that has been named "Trust Is Earned." I've been having some writing issues on it, but what I have written I really like, and I hope to be able to start posting it soon. Second of all, this one is NOT a happy one. I do hope that you'll read it anyways. It is one of the shorter one's I've written, as the song seemed to be harder to fit into a One-Shot than I thought. Enjoy, and I do promise a nice, happy, fluffy one next go round!**

* * *

><p><em>Thousands of people live in this town<em>

_And I had to run into him_

_There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide  
>He walked up to me, looked in my eyes <em>

Juliet let her feet carry her, as she schlepped around the three other bags from the various stores she had stopped at today. Her arms were tired, but she was having one hell of a day and shopping always helped her cope. Her eyes grazed over the stores that stretched out in front of her, as the smell of the food court wafted toward her assaulting her nostrils in the most cruel way. Glancing at her watch, which took a bit of maneuvering, she sighed. Three hours she had been shopping in the mall, and she hadn't even covered two thirds of the mall yet. Giving into the temptation that the food court offered, Juliet sat her bags down at a table and yanked her purse behind her as she jogged up to the counter of the first Chinese place she encountered. If she remembered correctly from previous mall trips, that this place had excellent egg rolls. Her mouth watered at the thought of food in general, but Chinese was one of her favorite types of food to eat.

Placing her order, and watching as the balding elderly gentleman stared at her for a moment, she waited impatiently for her food to arrive. Once it was set on a tray in front of her, Juliet picked it up and made her way back to her table.

Sitting down, Juliet added just the right amount of soy sauce to her mixture of food, before lifting a generous bite to her lips.

"Mmmmhmm."

"Is that good."

Juliet new the voice without turning. Her face turned a bright shade of red, as she sat her fork down. Taking a napkin to the corners of her mouth, she faked a smile before turning toward him.

"Hello, Shawn." Juliet felt her insides flip-flop on her. She hadn't seen him in three years. The last she heard from Gus was that Shawn had went on a cross-country vacation when they had broken up. She hadn't expect to see him again. At least not for a while, according to Gus.

"Hiya, Jules." He smiled broadly, the twinkle back in his eyes. God, how she had missed seeing those beautiful eyes.

_He said how've you been_

_It's great to see you again_

_You're really a sight for sore eyes_

_I said, I can't complain_

_I'm doing fine_

"So, how have you been, Jules? God, it's so great to see you again! You're really are a sight for sore eyes. It's just been so long!" The smile never left his face, as he motioned to the chair in front of her.

Nodding her head, Juliet took her fork and jabbed at the food that no longer looked appetizing. Forcing a smile that she knew came off fake, Juliet looked him in the eye. "Can't really complain. I'm doing fine-"

Placing a finger to his temple, as his knee bounced up and down, Shawn tilted his head. "I'm hearing that- you've been promoted?"

Juliet felt her cheeks flush, as she looked at him shyly. "Yeah. Finally got that junior dropped from my title."

Shawn rubbed his hands together. "That's great news! You were always the better detective- just don't tell Lassie I said that. You know how he gets jealous."

Juliet had to admit, it was great seeing Shawn again. Except for those pesky little things called feelings that keep rearing their ugly head every-time he smiles at her. Though it did annoy that he could sit there after three years and pretend like nothing happened. Like neither of them ended up with broken hearts, Shawn's so severe that he felt the need to take off for three years without so much as a phone call to let her know he was still alive.

_We talked as the people rushed by_

_We laughed about old times and all we went through_

_That's when he hugged me and said I've missed you_

"Yeah, I guess it is. Though, Carlton is in line to take Chief Vick's place when she retires next year."

His eyes widen for a moment, as he inspected the people that passed by. A woman pushing a stroller, a man on his cellphone seemingly ignoring everyone around him. Everyone appeared so busy that they didn't even realize that her and Shawn were fumbling through a conversation.

"Vick's retiring- wow, have I been gone that long?" It was the first serious comment out of his mouth, since he had sat down.

"Yeah, she just had another baby. A boy. Ricky."

"Like the singer?" His eyebrow furrowed slightly. "Oh come on, I know she could have done better than that!" He smiled playfully.

"Who knows, maybe Ricky Martin is her favorite singer." Juliet laughed, and realized that she was falling into their old routine. It felt almost right, except there was something nagging at her. Like she was missing something really important.

"So—Jules you're shopping. Tell me about the case—maybe I can help."

It was times like this that she thought maybe he really was psychic. While she would love to say that finding out the truth had been what tore them apart, that would be a lie. One that she had tried to feed herself over and over again. Though, not fully a lie. Since their relationship started going down hill from that point on.

"Technically—we solved it. I just wish that it had a happy ending-"

Shawn sighed as he ran a hand over his face. "Let me guess, it was a case involving a child?"

Juliet shook her head. "A whole family actually. The mother and father were found murdered—the five year old was missing. We found him about three miles behind the house-" Tears started to roll down her cheeks. "He had tried to run away from it all. He had his parents blood all over him. It was awful-"

The description brought back images from particularly gruesome cases that they had worked over the seven years that he had consulted with the SBPD. The family part really hit home. Images from nightmares long since past.

"Are you okay?" Juliet asked, as she reached out a hand to him.

Shawn shook it off, and forced a chuckle. He knew his face had gone pale. "Yeah—just memories—and not good ones."

Juliet needed no more explanation. "Yang?" Her eyebrow cocked slightly.

He smiled softly. "Yeah—and the nightmares that followed."

Juliet shook her head knowingly. "I've been there too, Shawn."

_That's when she walked up to him_

_He said, this is my wife_

_I gave my best smile_

_But I was dying inside_

Out of the corner of her eye, Juliet watched as a striking brunette walked slowly toward the table that her and Shawn were currently sharing. Her round belly spoke volumes, as did the eye popping diamond on her left hand. At first Juliet was confused, why was she walking toward her and Shawn—was she in distress, did she need help. However, as the smile on Shawn's face grew, he stood up his hand out to take the pregnant woman's, pulling her into his side.

"Jules, this is Amanda, my wife."

Juliet faked a smile as her stomach flip-flopped uncomfortably. Tears sprang to her eyes, as her heart was crushed again. Shawn Spencer was the only man that had ever hurt her so severely, and so many times. Reaching out her hand, Juliet shook Amanda's.

"Amanda, this is Jules. She's like one of my best friends." He smiled sincerely and Juliet realized that he hadn't been trying to pretend that the past hadn't happened, he was trying to fix what he had broken. He had wanted to make amends before he became a father.

"Hi, Amanda."

"Hello, Juliet! Shawn talks about you all the time. You're a detective, correct?" Amanda smiled softly at Juliet, her free hand was placed protectively over her rotund belly. A spike of jealously coursed through Juliet's veins, but she shoved it away.

"Yes, I am. It's so great to meet you." Juliet tried for her usual cheery tone. The one that had disappeared around the same time Shawn had.

_He said we gotta go now_

_It's getting late_

_It was so good to see you_

_Then they walked away_

Shawn looked at his watch, and shook his head.

"It's getting kind of late. We haven't eaten lunch just yet. We better be going." Shawn paused as he leaned down and gave Juliet a lingering hug. It was like he was apologizing for springing all of this on her like that. As he rose back up, he smiled brightly at her. If she had been standing, Juliet knew that her knees most likely would have given out. "It was so great to see you, Jules! I've missed you."

With that, Shawn took his wife's hand, as they turned around and walked away. Juliet watched with a hint of jealously as Amanda leaned against Shawn's side, as he slipped his arm around her waist. Amanda's head leaned against Shawn's shoulder. Juliet let one stray tear slip down her face as she realized that after all this time, she was still in love with Shawn Spencer, but she had lost her chance. Juliet was not the type of girl that broke up a marriage, especially when children were concerned. Turning back toward her food, Juliet toyed with it for a moment, before tossing the relatively untouched Chinese food. Her appetite had disappeared when Shawn had reappeared. With one last passing glance around the store, Juliet grabbed her bags and made for the exit.


	18. Teenage Dream

**A/N: I apologize for how long it took to write this. I've started two multi-chapter stories since then. One is finished, the other is well on it's way. So I decided, as to not bum you all out at once, I'm going to be writing one fluffy chapter and then one not so fluffy chapter. That's how this one will go from here on out, until I decide I'm done writing on it. **

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><p><em>You think I'm pretty<em>

_Without any makeup on_

_You think I'm funny_

_When I tell the punchline wrong_

Juliet's eyes shined as she stood in front of all her friends and family. Shawn held her hand tightly, a smile placed firmly on his lips, as his eye twinkled slightly. He mouthed a quick '_**I love you**_' before turning his attention back to the preacher that stood in front of them. His thumb rubbed soothing circles on her hand.

The service seemed to fast forward right before Juliet's eyes as suddenly the preacher was asking the couple to share their hand-written vows. The fact that Shawn had suggested writing their own vows had shocked Juliet. Then she realized that he had the ability to say whatever he wanted it. Shawn knew that she had been worried about his vows and how appropriate they might be. He had promised that nothing inappropriate would escape his lips.

"Juliet, if you would like to share your vows with Shawn."

Juliet smiled, and took a deep calming breath. She hadn't realized just how hard it would be to put into words just how she felt for the child-like man standing in front of her.

"Shawn, writing down my feelings for you was hard. I could never seem to latch on to the right words that proved just how deeply I love you. However, it was the little things you do. Like how no matter how badly I butcher the punchline of a joke, you still laugh. The fact that I can wake up with my hair sticking up in every direction and without one bit of makeup on, and you smile and tell me that I am the most beautiful woman in the world. It's things like that, as to why I fell in love with you from the beginning. I love you, Shawn Spencer, and I always will."

Shawn smiled, as Juliet withdrew her hand from his to dab at the tears slipping down her cheek. Reaching his free hand across the short distance between them, he placed his thumb against a stray tear and brushed it away.

"Juliet, you are the most beautiful woman in the world. You mean the entire world to me, and from that first day in the dinner I knew that we'd have something special. I could tell that you needed someone in your life that could make you have some fun, and make you laugh. The fact that you've agreed to a life with me, means that you've opened up your life to fun and laughter. I can't promise you a lot, Juliet, but I can promise that you'll never be unhappy with me and that I'll never stop loving you."

Juliet let Shawn take her hand, as he placed the ring on her finger. She then grabbed his hand, and did the same. When the preacher announced that they were husband and wife, Shawn grabbed her around her waist and pulled her flush against his body and pressed his lips to hers in a searing first kiss as husband and wife.

_Before you met me_

_I was a right but things_

_Were kinda heavy_

_You brought me to life_

Juliet sat, her feet curled underneath her as she watched her husband outwit Gus in yet another round of tetris. Shaking her head, as Gus claimed that Shawn was somehow cheating. Juliet could remember a time when things in her life weren't quite so happy. When smiles were typically forced, and her cheery personality was actually a chore. Before she met Shawn, she found it difficult to offer up a sweet smile. Unless of course the situation caused for it. Which, she realized, was probably why she had no luck dating back in Miami. Being there, no matter how much she loved her family, just reminded her of all her father's disappointments. How he had missed every birthday and every other important milestone in her life. So when one of her only relationships back in Miami ended badly, she had put in for transfer for the west coast.

Meeting Shawn in the diner during her first case had not been part her plan. Meeting any guy for a very long time, hadn't been part of the plan. Looking back at it now, she couldn't hate the way it had turned out. Yeah, it had taken them far too long to actually end up together, with both of them fighting their feelings for each other. She wouldn't trade these past eight years for nothing. Shawn made her happier than she ever thought was possible, and he didn't even have to try. What woman gets enjoyment out of watching their husband beat his best friend at a video game? Who gets pure joy out of touching the tiny gold band on their ring finger? Shawn had given her the greatest gift anyone could give another person. He had given Juliet, her life back, and she would love him forever for that.

"Gus, buddy! You are clearly letting your furthest column get to high. Point of the game-"

Gus placed the controller on the floor. "Do not tell me the point of the game, Shawn! You're cheating, I don't know how, but I clearly turned that last tile to the correct side!"

Shawn laughed lightly, as Gus huffed before walking toward the door.

"Your leaving? Really? Gus, oh come on!"

"No, Shawn! Goodbye, Juliet."

As the door slammed shut, Juliet smiled at her husband, her eyebrow raised slightly as she realized what he had done. "Really, Shawn? You gave him the broken controller?"

Shawn shrugged. "Well, it's not like I could play with it!"

Juliet stood up, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Gus is our guest, you should have given him the good controller."

Shawn shoved himself up from the floor, before placing his arms around Juliet's waist. "Oh please, Jules! Gus is not our guest. If anything, he's family. This is what you do with family." Shawn mock rolled his eyes, as a smile lit up his face.

_Let's go all the way tonight_

_No regrets, just love_

_We can dance, until we die_

_You and I, will be young forever_

Juliet grabbed his hand in hers and led him back toward the bedroom. A smile planted firmly on her lips, as her eyebrow waggled. "Have I told you how sexy you are lately, Mr. Spencer."

His thumb twisted her wedding band in circles on her slender finger, as his breathing quicken when the bedroom came into view. "Why no you haven't, Mrs. Spencer."

Pushing her body against his, as his back slammed against the wall. "Well, you're very _**sexy**_, Shawn." Her mouth was against his ear, and her voice was deep and husky. Chills ran the full length of his spine, as he buried his hands in her hair as his lips found hers.

With one arm, he grabbed her around the waist and lifted until her legs wrapped around his hips. "You're not so bad yourself, Jules." He mumbled against her lips, as he led them both into the bed and kicked the door shut with his foot.

* * *

><p>Juliet ran her hand up and down Shawn's bare chest, as it rose and fell with steady breaths. An almost permanent smile was on her lips, as his arm pulled her closer against him. Looking up, she noticed that he was now awake, staring at the ceiling.<p>

"What are you thinking about, Shawn?" Her voice was soft, as he smiled at her.

"About how lucky I am. I so don't deserve you, Jules-" He paused, as he turned onto his side, facing her. "You don't understand how terrified I am that you'll figure that out and leave."

Juliet gasped lightly, her hand flat against his chest. "Never think that, Shawn. You may think you're the lucky one, but Shawn. I am the one that doesn't deserve you. Do you even realize how you've saved me from a life of pure unhappiness?"

He smiled shyly. "No. Tell me about it."

She smile wryly. "Well see, about eight years ago, this really handsome man walked into this little diner. He claimed that I had taken his seat, but I was fairly certain that he was just off his rocker. Though, for someone to pretend to be psychic-"

Shawn gasped, his hand flush against his chest, a look of mock hurt on his face. "I am hurt! Hitting me right where it hurts, Jules. My fake psychic abilities! Not cool. You will have to pay for that!"

Juliet laughed, as Shawn's fingers danced over her abdomen. Her legs kicked, as her laughter grew. "Shawn! Quit! I'm serious!"

He smiled triumphantly. "If your so serious, then why are you laughing?" His eyebrow quirked.

"Because you're tickling me!"

Shawn's fingers stopped their assault, as Shawn threw back the comforter that covered both of their bodies. "Come on."

"Shawn! It's cold out there!" He simply smiled, and shrugged his shoulders, before grabbing her hand and pulling her up with him. "What are you doing?" She asked, as he handed her a pair of sweatpants and his apple jacks tee shirt.

"Well, we never did get a chance to dance at our wedding-"

Juliet's face scrunched up in confusion. "Shawn, we danced all night at the reception."

"Yeah, but it was that classy stuff that requires lessons. That stuff is so stiff—boring. Who needs it!" Shawn turned on his stereo and grinned like an idiot as _**Don't You Forget About Me**_ started to blast from the speakers. "Now this is dancing." Shawn's arms and legs started to flail about. Juliet couldn't help laughing, before joining in.

By the end of the song, both of them were out of breath from dancing and laughing so hard. Juliet looked into Shawn's eyes and smiled. "I love you so much, Shawn."

His hand caressed her cheek softly. "Love you too, Jules."


	19. If You See Him, If You See Her

**A/N: So-I promised less fluffy this go round-and it ended up slightly depressing. So apologies for that. However, please do finish the chapter. There is hope! **

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><p><em>If you see him<em>

_Tell him I wish him well_

_How am I doing?_

_Well, sometimes is hard to tell_

_I still miss him more than ever_

_But please don't say a word_

Juliet glared at the glass sitting in front of her. Gus was late, and she'd have to return to the station in twenty minutes. Just because her and Shawn had called it quits, didn't mean she didn't want to hear about him. One mistake, one very costly mistake mind you, had run him out of town with promises to never return. It had broken her heart into pieces, but she knew he needed the space.

Spotting the bobbing of the bald head of her new found best friend, Juliet played her part. Smiling brightly, no matter how fake it might be. "Gus!"

Gus smiled back, though it never reached his eyes anymore. His best friend had run away yet again, and this time he had stiffed Gus with an office space that he couldn't use. As far as she knew, Gus had payed on more month's rent in hopes that his friend might return, but after that he was giving the space up.

"Hey, Juliet. How are you today?" He asked, as he flagged down a waitress.

Swiping a hand under her purplish eyes, she yawned loudly. "Exhausted. This case is killing me little by little. No leads, no real evidence."

Gus nodded. He knew that he wasn't here for small talk. He was here for Shawn talk. "So, Shawn called me last night-" It was the same awkward jumping off point. Shawn called the same day every week, like clock-work. Though never very punctual. His latest phone call had come at midnight, just as Gus was getting the number of the hottest girl he'd ever seen, he had been so rudely ripped from his amazing dream. He never spoke for long, always an update about his new town and without fail asked how Juliet was doing. It killed him to see Juliet in such a much, and to hear Shawn's voice break every time he said her name. How he wished his idiot best friend would just come to his senses and return home.

"How is he?" She played with the drink in front of her, avoid Gus's meaningful stare. It was per their usual.

"He's in Atlanta, though he's probably not staying there. Shawn's always been more interested in the smaller towns that lay just outside of bigger cities. They have _**character**_." Gus said in his best Shawn impression.

Juliet smiled slightly, though it held a hint of sadness to it. Looking up, tears shone in her eyes. Brushing a finger underneath to catch the first one to fall, Juliet sighed.

"How are you doing, Juliet?" He knew he was over-stepping the firmly set boundaries. Juliet had set them up two months ago when Shawn had first taken off.

Instead of getting upset and storming out like usually, she sighed sadly and shook her head. "I miss him so much, Gus. Some days I think that I'm finally over it all. Then I'll find something of his at my apartment and burst into tears. Every day it's like a new wound in my already to battered heart, and I honestly just can't handle it anymore. I just want him to come home." For the first time, she stared intently into Gus's eyes and realized that he felt the exact way.

"I miss him too, Juliet. He's like family, and whenever he takes off like this it always feels like a part of me is missing." He frowned deeply.

Juliet nodded, "Look, I have to head back." She stood up and readjusted her skirt and blouse. "Please don't tell him what I said. If he comes back, I want it to be because he wants to come back."

Gus nodded. "Scouts honor."

Juliet smiled and patted Gus's shoulder before heading for the door.

_If you see her_

_Tell her I'm doing fine_

_And if you want to_

_Say that I think of her from time to time_

Shawn sat, his body splayed across the dingy hotel bed. His eyes red, both from lack of sleep and crying. He hated himself right now. He couldn't close his eyes without the haunting memory of that little girl. Her arms outstretched to him—Shawn sniffled. Then it would transition to Juliet, somehow that beautiful blond hair girl would transform into Juliet. The same look of fear and abandonment on her face. Shawn knew that he was a screw up, he had grown accustomed to it, that was until he started dating Juliet. He swore when they started dating that he'd try harder, that he'd be a better man. A man that deserved to call her his own, and he failed her.

Sighing, Shawn sat up, his head in his hands. Usually after he talked to Gus, he could face the remainder of the week with enough poise to get him through. However, it seemed the further away from Santa Barbara he got, the worse he felt. Retrieving his cell phone from the small table, Shawn sighed as he gave in and dialed Gus's number.

He knew it was probably late there, but Shawn needed _**someone**_. After three rings, Shawn was intent on hanging up, when the line picked up and a yawn ripped through.

"Shawn?" Gus's voice was still raspy with sleep. This made Shawn feel even worse.

"Hey, buddy." He tried to fake his way through his usual cheery self. It all felt so false.

"What's wrong, Shawn?" Obviously, it sounded false as well.

Shifting uncomfortably on the bed, Shawn sighed, as he battled the tears again. God, he had turned into such a cry baby!

"I just—I can't sleep, Gus." Shawn tried to sound as manly as he could, as a silent sob ripped through his chest.

"Shawn-"

"I keep having nightmares, Gus. Horrible ones. That little girl is dead because of me! Because I missed something so obvious, and now I can't get her out of my head. Not to mention how she so creepily transforms into Jules. Like it's not bad enough that Susie is haunting my every dream, but now Jules is too and I just—I am so tired, Gus."

A sigh sounded from Gus's side, and Shawn knew what he was going to say. How badly he wanted it, and how much he knew that no one wanted him. It ripped at his already too fragile heart.

"Come home, Shawn. Let me help you. God, let your dad help you! You need it and Juliet-"

"And Juliet what?" Shawn's eyebrow quirked. Knowing all it would take, would be to hear that she wanted him home. Then again, he knew that wasn't true. She hadn't called him. If she wanted him home, she would have called—right?

"She's confused, Shawn. You just—took off. No explanation. I had to explain that it was probably Susie's case that had you running for the hills. She deserves and explanation, Shawn. From you."

He sighed, knowing Gus to be right. Yet he didn't trust himself to call her. To hear her voice, and not hop on the first flight back to Santa Barbara. To hell with his Norton!

"I know, Gus. Just add it to the list of horrible things I've done. I'm sure you're probably running out of room on the list. Look, I'm sorry I woke you up. I shouldn't have called. I just, I don't know if you still keep in contact with Jules, but if you do. Could you just tell her I'm fine. Don't tell her about the nightmares. Also, tell her that I think about her sometimes, I don't want her to think that I just never think about her. Just, don't give her false hope, Gus. I told you, I'm not coming back. I know when I'm not wanted, and after Susie—I don't even know how you stomach talking to me. Look I gotta go, try get a little shut-eye. Got an early shift at work tomorrow. Bye, buddy."

Shawn disconnected the call before Gus could say anything else. Swiping a hand against his eyes, he let them fall close, if only to stop the insistent burning. Within a few moments his breathing had evened out, and he was asleep.

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><p>Shawn glared at the case file in front of him. Something was wrong, slightly off. He just couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. The look that Susie Carmichael had given him, spoke volumes to his internal monitor. The puffy red eyes and the terror that was so apparent. At first he thought it was just the aftermath of being found roaming around her neighborhood barefoot, wearing her pajamas. That was his first thought, but then he looked deeper. Susie hadn't been lost, she just didn't want to go home.<p>

"Holy-" Shawn jumped from his chair like it was on fire. Gus sent a glare his way until he realized that his best friend had just figured something out, and from looks of it, it was something huge.

"Shawn, what is it?" Gus knew that it was his responsibility, his job to reign Shawn in. To keep him grounded. However, when Shawn's head turned toward him and his hazel eyes locked onto his, Gus knew that no amount of grounding his best friend would help in this situation.

"That sick son of a-"

"Woah! Shawn, what is going on?" Gus asked, placing a hesitant hand on Shawn's shoulder. His hazel eyes flicked around the room quickly.

"Susie was upset, Gus!"

Sighing, Gus shook his head. "Of course she was, Shawn. The poor girl-"

"No!" Shawn roared, his nostrils flaring in a way that Gus had only seen a couple of times in their lives. None of which were ever aimed at him personally. "She wasn't lost, Gus. Don't you see? She didn't want to go home. Gus, we have to get Lassie and Jules to meet us at the Carmichael place. We have to save her!"

Suddenly Gus realized what Shawn was saying, without actually having to put it into words. He felt nauseous. He noticed that Shawn already had his phone out, as he tossed Gus the keys. The look on Shawn's face spoke volumes, and Gus worried what he would do if they didn't get there in time.

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><p>Gus pulled his Echo to the curb just as Lassiter's Crown Victoria careened onto the scene. The siren displayed their arrival, and Gus saw Shawn shake his head lightly. Apparently Shawn thought it not the best idea to announce their arrival so quickly. Practically leaping from the car, Shawn beat Lassiter and Juliet to the front door by five whole steps. Pounding hard on the door, an ear piercing scream was heard from the back yard.<p>

Without so much of a backward glance, Shawn took off running in the general direction. Paying no mind to the six foot tall privacy fence. Hopping up, Shawn's hands gripped the top of the fence and he pulled the reminder of his body up and over. His grip slipped slightly, as he careened face first on the ground. Groaning at the pain that flared around his now injured nose, he pushed himself up and ran around the house.

A scream escaped his lips, as he dropped to his knees. Without noticing that he was no longer alone, Lassiter and Juliet pulled their weapons, pointing them at Gary Carmichael's chest. His daughter, Susie, lay lifeless at his feet. His face was dirt smudged, and he quickly dropped the shovel. Lassiter advanced on Gary's position, as Juliet held back. Holstering her weapon, she dropped to her knees, worried about Shawn. His body was shaking so violently that it almost appeared he was having a seizure. Tears were falling stead-fast down his dirt smudged face, quickly mixing with the blood that was now trickling out of both of his nostrils. Juliet placed a hand to his cheek, rubbing soothing circles on the prickly stretch of flesh. His eyes were distant, and Juliet realized that he was in shock. His breathing was hitching slightly, as he took gasping breaths.

"Gus, go wait for the ambulance-" Juliet paused, and remembered Susie. Turning toward her partner, she saw him sadly shake his head. "Tell them that we have someone experiencing severe shock—and a body that needs removed. Go!" Juliet waved him away.

Standing up, Juliet circled Shawn, before kneeling down behind him. Not caring about her skirt any longer, Juliet sat down on the sodden ground, and pulled Shawn against her. His head leaning heavily on her shoulder. The position of his body seemed to help his breathing, if only a little bit. Using her free hand, Juliet rummaged through the pocket of her suit jacket, remembering that she had placed a couple pieces of tissue in there. Removing one of the pieces, Juliet wadded it up and gently prodded Shawn's nose. The pain inflicted, caused a moan to escape his lips.

Juliet could hear trampling footsteps behind her, but she stayed in place. Placing the tissue against the injured nose and pulling it back. Repeating the motions over and over, as she realized that she was quickly falling into shock herself. Shaking her head, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Nodding, she let her partner help her to her feet, as the paramedics swarmed Shawn. Quickly he was placed on a gurney and was being pulled away from her. Sighing, she looked at Lassiter. Blood coated his shirt, and for the first time she realized that he was missing his suit jacket.

"She was alive, barely. I tried to save her, but that bastard—he had beaten her with the shovel. How's Spencer?" Juliet quickly understood his change in subject. He needed to get the memory of the dying child from his mind. Though he might not particularly like Shawn, he was making an effort to dislike him less, if only for her sake.

"He's in shock. I think, maybe, he blames himself. I don't know why—none of us saw this coming, there was no definite sign of abuse. She had no bruises, no history of broken bones."

"That just means, that he knew what he was doing. How far he could take it without her needing to go to the hospital."

Hanging her head, Juliet trailed after the gurney that carried her boyfriend.

_I still want her_

_I still need him so_

_I don't know why we let each other go_

Shawn jerked forward, sweat pouring from his forehead. Swiping a hand to rid his forehead of the disgusting wetness, he realized that his breathing was hitching. Though he can't remember much from when they had found Susie dead, he did remember Juliet explaining his minor breakdown, that involved him hyperventilating. Closing his eyes tightly, Shawn took a deep breath and let it out. After a few more deep breaths, Shawn realized that he was able to breath correctly on his own accord.

Peeling the sodden blanket from his sticky body, Shawn walked slowly to the bathroom. Turning the facet on cold, he splashed the water against his flushed cheeks and sighed as he instantly felt better. At least in that regard. Though, no matter how badly he didn't want to see either Susie or Juliet's disappointed faces, they were forever emblazoned in his retina's. He didn't even have to close his eyes anymore to see the two haunting faces.

Wobbling his way back to the bed, Shawn crawled back underneath the covers, and yanked them up to his shoulders. His body started to shake, as violent sobs ripped through his body. How could he have not seen something so obvious. Bruises or not, that look alone had spoken volumes, and Shawn had paid no attention. He deserved to feel like this, he had earned it and so much more!

* * *

><p>Gus settled himself down on the couch. Much to his chagrin, Juliet had called him. After explaining about the new unsolved murder of the week, he had no choice but to feel sorry for her. Mariah Settle, a seven year old little girl, was found in a dumpster. Blunt force trauma to the head was the cause of death, and it hit a little too close to home. Juliet hadn't wanted to be alone tonight, and Gus didn't have the heart to turn her down.<p>

So he laid back against the leather couch, and shut his eyes. As he slowly started to drift off, he heard an ear splitting scream, and jumped up off the couch. Running blindly through the apartment, Gus stubbed his toe against the wall. Cursing under his breath, Gus hopped the rest of the way to Juliet bedroom. Quickly throwing the door open, Gus snapped the light on and hopped over toward her bed.

"It's alright." His voice was soft, as his hand massaged his injured toe. "It'll be alright."

"Gus—what if he's done something-"

Gus's head snapped toward Juliet. "Shawn would never harm himself! That's not the kind of person he is."

Juliet shook her head. "Even you said that he sounded—odd on the phone. That he was still taking Susie's death hard."

Gus sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had hoped with all hope that tell her that would cause her to call him. For them to work this whole weird situation out. That she could get him to come home, so that together they could help him. Instead, she apparently had been having nightmares of Shawn committing suicide.

"Yes he is, we all are. Lassiter still has trouble in the field-"

Juliet huffed. "Carlton didn't run off!" She bit, and then sighed. "I'm sorry, Gus-"

The phone ringing cut her off quickly. A quizzical expression crossed both of their features, as Juliet reached for the phone. Her heart jumped into her throat upon seeing the caller id. Taking the call quickly, Juliet shoved the small device to her ear.

"Shawn?"

Gus let out a relived sigh, as he hobbled from her bedroom. Closing the door behind him, he smiled. Things would get better, eventually.

"Hi, Jules—I'm sorry-"

Juliet breathed a sigh of relief. "No, don't be sorry. God, Shawn—I miss you so much." Juliet heard the hitch in his breathing, and knew that he had been crying. Her heart broke for him.

"I miss you too, Jules. God, I miss you so much. I need you so bad, but I'm so afraid that I'll hurt you. I mean, it's not like I can come home. I can't take the looks-"

Juliet huffed. "What looks?"

"I know that everyone blames me for—_**her**_ death."

Juliet shook her head. "No one blames you, Shawn. We just want you to come home."

A sigh resounded from Shawn's line. "You want me to come back to Santa Barbara? After how I hurt you?"

Juliet smiled sadly. "More than you know."

Shawn smiled sadly into the phone. "Well, perhaps that can be arranged."

Juliet held the phone securely to her ear, as she heard Shawn sound remotely like himself. Things would indeed get better, and from the sound of it, Shawn would come home—soonish.


	20. Just The Way You Are

**A/N: So after working so hard on the angst filled A View From New Eyes, I needed a break, and something remotely happy to work on. Yes, even I can get all Angsted out. This chapter filled that need for something happy. Do take caution in reading, as it is plum full of ooey gooey fluff! **

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><p><em>Oh, her eyes, her eyes<em>

_Make the stars look like they're not shinin'_

_Her hair, her hair_

_Falls perfectly without her trying_

_She's so beautiful_

_And I tell her everyday _

Shawn grumbled as fingers danced slowly over his bare torso. Even if his eyes were still closed, he could tell that it was far too early in the morning to be waking up. Mainly because Juliet was still at his apartment. She had to be at the station by eight, and if she was still laying beside him, mostly likely in the same clothing she had worn to bed, then it was way before eight.

"Sleeping." Shawn mumbled, even as a smile twitched on his lips. He did have to admit, being woken up by Juliet was far better than the alternative. Being woken up by Gus—or worse—his dad. That thought sent shivers through his body, as he shook that picture from his head.

"Yes, I see that, Shawn." Juliet whispered against his ear. "But there are far better—and more fun things we could be doing." Her voice turned husky, and Shawn shivered for a whole new reason.

His eyes popped open at that, and he turned his head toward hers. Her ocean blue eyes shone with an intensity that he hasn't seen in a few weeks. Like when she had been on stakeout duty for three weeks straight. That first night he was able to spend with her after three weeks apart had been the single most magical moment in his life. That intensity was back in her eyes, and he couldn't help smiling brightly at her.

"Do you understand what those eyes of yours do to me?" Shawn asked weakly.

Juliet nodded slightly. "Of course. I did train them myself." She smiled back, as she pressed her lips against his. Shawn ran his tongue against her bottom lip, as she opened her mouth slightly. Juliet moaned in between kisses. Shawn pulled away quickly.

"Well, since I'm awake now, I suppose breakfast is in order." Shawn grinned when his back was to Juliet, as he pulled a tee shirt over his head and got out of bed.

"Shawn!"

Turning on his heel, he carefully placed his hands on his hips and shrugged his shoulders. "All's fair in love and war, baby."

Juliet groaned as she threw her body back against the bed. "Well that was a waste of-" She paused as she leaned up far enough to see the alarm clock. "Two extra hours of sleep." Sighing, she climbed out of bed and walked into the kitchen. Warm smells of eggs and bacon were assaulting her nostrils, as she quickly realized just how hungry she actually was.

Shawn turned toward the sound of footsteps padding toward him, and smiled slightly as he placed a kiss to Juliet's cheek. His tee shirt landed at the top of her thighs. "Are you still trying to seduce me, Detective O'Hara?" Shawn's eyebrow quirked questioningly.

"I would never!" Juliet feigned hurt, even as a smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

Shawn simply chuckled, as he watched her muse her unruly morning hair into an acceptable condition. Shawn had known since that first day in the diner that he had never seen anyone more beautiful than Juliet O'Hara. She was just—perfect, or at least his version of perfect.

"You're beautiful, you know that right?"

Juliet blushed slightly, though she played it off with a playful smack of Shawn's arm. "Well you do say it every morning. It's kind of hard to forget."

Shawn chuckled, "Good, never forget how absolutely beautiful you are." Shawn leaned over and pecked her lips before turning the eggs and removing the bacon.

_I know, I know  
>When I compliment her she won't believe me<br>And it's so, it's so  
>Sad to think that she don't see what I see <em>

Shawn entered the station, a bouquet of flowers in one hand with his other free to wave at officers he passed by. Rounding a corner, Shawn smiled as he watched Juliet from his short distance away. Her hair was pulled into a messy bun, and a stray piece of hair had fallen into her face. She was bent over her desk, as her hand worked furiously, scribbling down notes on a police report. She blew on the strand of hair in her face, and it merely lifted before falling back against her cheek.

Sighing, Shawn pushed himself away from the wall as he continued his journey before stopping in front of Juliet's desk. Eighteen months of dating, and Shawn still couldn't believe that she was his. All his.

"Hey, beautiful." His voice came out breathless, as she lifted her head. Her blue eyes staring straight into his hazel ones, though it felt as if she was staring straight into his soul.

"Hey, Shawn-" Juliet paused as she started lifting her body into a half stand to kiss his cheek. To hell with the no public display of affection in the station. Her eyes drifted to the small bouquet in his left hand. "Shawn, those are beautiful."

He smiled, as he handed them over to her. "Not nearly as beautiful as you." His hazel eyes sparkled as he spoke the words.

"Yeah." She answered, simply brushing off the compliment.

A disgusted grunt sounded behind Shawn, as he turned toward the offending individual. "Spencer, take your gross display of affection elsewhere. O'Hara and I have work to do."

Shawn laughed lightly. "Lassie, my dear good friend. How are you on this bright and sunny Santa Barbara day?"

Lassiter grunted again. "I don't have time—or the stomach for this." Groaning, Lassiter made his way back toward his own desk.

Turning back toward Juliet, with a quirky smile on his face, "Now, where was I? Oh, right! The flowers, and how you are _**far**_ more beautiful than they are!"

"Shawn-" Juliet eyed him carefully.

"What? It's the truth. You simply steal their beauty, Jules. Suck it straight out! Your a head turner, Jules. It's not your fault that you were born a beautiful person. Just as I was born with this-" He paused and motioned toward his hair. "perfect head of hair. My father's genes my ass. This beautifully sculpted work of art isn't going anywhere."

Juliet laughed light, before sitting back down. "Thank you for the flowers, Shawn. They're beautiful, but I am swamped with Carlton's paperwork. I'll see you tonight though, right?" Her eyebrow quirked slightly.

"Oh, most definitely looking forward to it." A lop-sided grin fitted itself to his face, as he leaned over her desk to kiss her cheek. "So looking forward to it." Shawn said, as he turned around. He made it five steps before stopping abruptly and turning around. "Oh, and Jules?"

Her head lifted to look at him again. "Don't question your beauty. It pains me." She laughed, as he turned around and left the station.

_Her lips, her lips_

_I could kiss them all day if she'd let me_

_Her laugh, her laugh_

_She hates but I think it's so sexy_

Shawn knocked lightly on the front door of his girlfriend's apartment. The smell from within overwhelmed his senses and he groaned. His stomach grumbled appreciatively, as he pounded a little harder.

"Coming." He heard Juliet's silky voice command from inside.

The door opened slightly, a sly smile on Juliet's lips. "Hello there."

"Jules." Shawn pouted, as he placed his hands against his stomach, and turned on the full charm of his puppy dog eyes.

"Dammit. Come in." Juliet giggled, as Shawn practically pushed past her to get inside her apartment.

"God, that smells so good!"

Juliet wrapped her arms around Shawn's waist, as she nuzzled his neck. "It's a family recipe. My grandma's I think."

Placing a quick kiss on her forehead, Shawn's head whipped back around toward the cooking food. "Please tell me it's spaghetti. It smells like spaghetti."

Juliet swatted at Shawn's arm. "It's spaghetti."

"Oh thank the heavens. I love spaghetti!"

Juliet giggled as she padded back over to the kitchen, and turned her attention back onto the boiling food on the stove. "Shawn, you love food, end of story."

Shawn nodded, as he removed his jacket. "You have a point, my beautiful pumpkin doodle."

Juliet groaned. "Pet names—we talked about this, Shawn."

Shawn laughed lightly. "Yeah, I believe it was more of you yelling about the insignificance of pet names, while I stared at you. I also believe at the time, I didn't think you could ever look so sexy. I was proven wrong, so perhaps you will be too."

"I will not be proven wrong, Shawn. No pet names. They are just-" Juliet shuddered for a moment, before removing a couple of pots from the stove. Shawn watched as she drained the noddles and mixed them with the meat before adding the sauce.

He had seen this procedure preformed by his father before. "Food is almost ready." Shawn sat himself at Juliet's kitchen table. His hands rubbed together, as he picked up his fork.

"You're unbelievable."

"In an absolutely amazing way, right? It's the hair, isn't it?" Shawn asked.

"Oh you know it." Juliet smiled, as she carried the pot containing the mixture of noodles and meat, before returning to the stove and retrieving the garlic bread. Sitting it all in front of Shawn, he eyed both things carefully, before removing two pieces of bread and spooning a healthy amount of spaghetti in his plate. Juliet lingered by his side, her fingers playing with the hair on the nape of his neck. Turning his attention back to the woman of his affections, he smiled at her. "Can I have a kiss?" Her eyebrow quirked slightly.

"How absolutely dreadful of me." Shawn scolded himself. Shoving away from the table, Shawn stood up, and placed his hands on Juliet's hips. Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against hers for a moment, before leaning his forehead against her's. "I love you." He smiled at her.

Her lips curved upward slightly. "I love you too, Shawn." Her tongue darted out for a moment, licking her lips. His eyes were drawn to her lips, as he leaned forward to capture them again, in a slightly more heated kiss. "Come on, let's eat before it gets cold."

"Jules! No fair—teasing me with those—_**lips**_." Shawn's voice grew husky on the last word.

Juliet laughed lightly. "We can have some fun after we eat. You'll need the energy." Juliet cocked an eyebrow, and chuckled a bit more at the look on Shawn's face.

_Oh you know, you know, you know_

_I'd never ask you to change_

_If perfect's what you're searching for_

_Then just stay the same_

Shawn walked into his bedroom a few days later, and found Juliet curled up on it. Her body jerked randomly, as a sob broke free. Silently, Shawn walked over to the bed, and sat down beside. His heart broke, as she turned away from him. Her body shook for a moment, followed by a long ragged breath. Shawn could feel tears well up in his eyes at seeing Juliet so clearly upset.

"Jules, talk to me. Please." He closed his eyes for a moment to let the overwhelming sickened feeling pass.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and saw her blue orbs probing his. "I just-" A ragged sob broke through for a moment, as she tried to sit up. Taking a deep breath, Juliet let her eyes fall against the blanket covering her body. Playing with the edges of the blanket, she spoke. "Today was a horrible day—and I get home—I just—I look so awful, Shawn! I wanted to see you, but you weren't home. I started to cry-" A sniffle caused her a pause, before continuing. "I knew I couldn't drive home and that you wouldn't mind if I let myself in. So I did—and I just wanted to feel close to you-" Sighing, Juliet gave up explaining her unexpected presence in Shawn's apartment.

Shawn sighed for a moment, before reaching his hand out to caress Juliet's cheek. He stopped once he reached her chin, and pushed it upward so that she was looking at him again. Placing his thumb against her chin, Shawn caressed it as he spoke. "Don't do that. Never do that, Jules." His words came out breathlessly. "I wasn't lying the other day, Juliet. It physically hurts me when you sell yourself short like that. You are a beautiful woman. You are strong and outspoken, and nothing you could ever do would make me love you any less. There is nothing about you that looks remotely awful. I swear to you, Juliet, if I have to tell you everyday how beautiful you are, then I will. You're perfect just the way you are, never ever think otherwise."

Juliet smiled sadly at Shawn, as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. Shawn pulled her into his lap and held her tightly against his chest. "Just—if you need reminding how beautifully perfect you are, I'm always right here willing to explain it to you all over again." Shawn spoke softly, before placing a kiss against her hair. "I love you, Juliet O'Hara."

"I love you too, Shawn Spencer." Juliet's voice came out muffled against his shirt, but Shawn heard it plain as day. A lop-sided grin broke out on his face, as he closed his eyes for a moment to drink in the moment.


	21. This Is Me Your Talking To

**A/N: So-I have been working on this chapter for a while now. It's not happy-I refuse to apologize for something that should be a known fact by now, lol! I absolutely love this song, and I totally recommend you listen to it while reading this for the full effect. On a sidenote, this story is officially at the 100 page mark and has broken the 50,000 word mark. This is a real milestone for me, even if it is a collection of one-shots.**

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><p><em>This was bound to happen<em>

_It was just a matter of time_

_This town is just too small_

_For us to really say goodbye_

Santa Barbara wasn't a small town by any stretch of the imagination. However, when your ex-boyfriend is wondering around that town, it can't be big enough. Normal, everyday things, like grocery shopping becomes an almost unwanted chore. Juliet had seen Shawn from a distance numerous times in the six months since their break-up. Normally by now she'd be over it, and moved on with her life. Then again, Shawn Spencer wasn't a normal guy, and what she had felt for him had been so much more different than what she had felt for any other guys she had ever dated.

Juliet O'Hara was not one to admit to loving a lot of guys. In fact she could practically count on one hand how many guys she had actually muttered those words too. None of those guys had made her heart skip a beat like Shawn Spencer did. As goofy as he was, Shawn was also sweet and attentive, at least when no one else was around. Juliet knew from that first day back in Canada that Shawn would be one of her greatest loves, no matter how cheesy it sounded.

Of course with any relationship, they started to grow apart, until Juliet wasn't able to see the couple they used to be anymore. While they lived in the same house, they rarely saw each other, when they did an argument generally formed. After a while it was just far too obvious that things with them were far too different, that they had grown too far apart. On one particularly cold, rainy, Santa Barbara day, Juliet finally said the words that both of them were trying to deny. It was over, had been for a while, and they were just trying to keep up pretenses.

That had been six months ago, and it is just as hard for her today as it had been that day. Since then, they both tried to avoid each other. Juliet had thought about transferring back to Miami, but came to the conclusion that she wasn't uprooting her life for a man again. Shawn had left on his bike for a couple of months, and that had made things easier. Of course, she couldn't begrudge him for returning to his home. Since their break up, Shawn has refused every case that the chief has tried to get him to take on, barely making it by on private cases.

That's why it's so hard, so memorizing and hard. Standing in aisle three of the market, watching him look over cereal choices, oblivious to her presence. Taking a deep breath, Juliet moved forward making her presence known.

* * *

><p><em>You're smiling that smile<em>

_That you get when you're nervous_

_Like you don't quite know what to do_

_But this is me you're talking to_

* * *

><p>"Jules!" Shawn smiled at her, his arms were down at his sides. They twitched slightly, as he brought one up to run a hand through his tousled hair.<p>

"Hi, Shawn." Juliet faked a smiled as she moved toward Shawn. Her arms wound tightly around his midsection. Her head lay comfortably against his shoulder, as his arms wound around her waist pulling her closer. "I've missed you!"

Shawn pulled back from the hug first, looking slightly uncomfortable. "I missed you too, Jules." The smile still planted firmly on his lips.

It wasn't his normal, knee weakening smile, that had won her over in the first place. This was his nervous smile, and that in itself made Juliet nervous. They had been friends for years before they even started to date, and it broke her heart that they couldn't get back into at least some semblance of that friendship. Not that it didn't surprise her, it was the reason she had been so reluctant to date him in the first place. Juliet loved their friendship, since she didn't really have many friends in Santa Barbara.

"How was your trip?"

Shawn shrugged noncommittally. "It was nice, you know to get away from it all for a while. I'm just—not as young as I used to be. Santa Barbara's home."

Juliet couldn't believe what she as hearing. This Shawn Spencer sounded like an adult, like an actual living adult. Not the man-child he actually was. Though he did seem to act more adult-like when they were alone. Only a small handful got to see the real Shawn for what he was. Shawn liked to hide who he really was from most everyone, he even hid it from her for a while. Though she did get to see bits of pieces of who he is on occasion, but after they started to date was when she really got to see who he was.

"Well, I'm glad you came home. Santa Barbara just wasn't the same without Shawn Spencer around." Juliet smiled for real this time.

_I've heard you met somebody_

_It didn't take you very long_

_And I'll admit it isn't easy_

_Knowing you've moved on_

Shawn's cheeks flushed pink. "Yeah well, I missed messing with Lassie-face. How is good ol' Lassie, anyways?"

"Happy that the annoying thorn in his side is gone. That was a direct quote, just so you know." Juliet crossed her arms across her chest.

Shawn smiled brightly, flashing his white teeth. "Oh, then I am going to have a blast!"

"Shawn?" A female voice drifted down the aisle-way, and Juliet cocked an eyebrow. She couldn't help the hint of jealously that climbed up into the pit of her stomach.

"Hey, Beth." Shawn smiled, as he extended his hand to the closely approaching woman. Shawn turned back toward Juliet, an uncomfortable look on his face. "Jules, this is Beth, and vice versa."

"Hello, Beth." Juliet kept her voice neutral, even as the jealously spread through her body like a wildfire. It just wasn't her place to get jealous of any woman that Shawn would want to date. Though she could admit that it was painful for her to know he had already moved on.

"Hello, Jules." Juliet's hands were balled into fists tucked under her arms. That nickname was reserved for Shawn, and Shawn alone. No one, especially not some skank, would call her that. Forcing herself to keep her smile plastered on her face, she carefully extended a hand toward the woman standing before her. It took everything in her to keep it from shaking, but with enough control she shook Beth's hand.

"Hey, babe. Go grab some pineapple?"

Beth smiled at him, before kissing his lips. Juliet forced herself to look away from the scene, as she sized up the other woman. Her hair was a light brown and cascaded down her back in small curls. Her eyes were a fiery green color, and her lips protruded out a little further than normal to give her the effect of constantly pouting. Overall, she was a very beautiful woman, though Juliet hoped that perhaps Beth wasn't quite as beautiful as Juliet.

Shawn turned back toward Juliet, his eyes downcast as he kicked at an imaginary clump of dirt. "So—I should have said something earlier." Shawn's hazel eyes looked up at her through his eyelashes.

_But I can see_

_How you could make any woman_

_Fall deep in love with you_

_This is me you're talking to_

Juliet clamped down hard on the jealously that overwhelmed her. Shawn Spencer wasn't hers anymore, no matter how much her heart seemed to think he was. Her head hung for a moment as she tried to put her mask securely back into place. Lifting her head, she offered him a small smile.

"No you didn't, Shawn. It's not like I earned to know anything about your life. Not anymore." No amount of trying could keep her voice from breaking at the end. Batting her eyelashes, Juliet was able to keep her tears firmly in place.

Shawn reached out a hand and ran his thumb against her cheek. Though she tried to keep her emotions in check, Juliet could feel her mask slip only slightly when his thumb came in contact with her skin. It was akin to an electric shock to her emotional system. It shot straight through her heart and down her spine. Every ounce of her being wanted to lean into that touch, but she bit her tongue and stood perfectly still.

"I hate that I'm hurting you, Jules." His voice was a soft, husky whisper. His hazel eyes were staring holes through her blue orbs.

Juliet swallowed thickly, forcing the lump in her throat to at least bob up and down. "It's not your fault, Shawn."

He smiled sadly at her. "But it is. I knew I was hurting you, Jules. I knew that I was holding back, and it was because I was scared. Living together—that was a big step for me, Jules. I'm not stupid, I knew where the next logical step was leading, and just thinking about it. Just thinking about proposing—it made me unable to breath." He sighed, his eyes downcast. "I was scared, because I loved you so much. I was afraid of what marrying you meant, and what it would mean if our marriage didn't last. I wasn't exactly brought up in a warm and cuddly home, ya know. I didn't want to lose you." He looked up, the look of utter sadness on his face nearly crumbled Juliet's facade of indifference. "I lost you anyway. Now—we're just so-" He sighed, running a hand through his perfectly sculpted hair. "I'll never, not love you, Juliet."

The use of her full first name was like a stab to her heart. He rarely called her by her first name, except toward the end of their relationship. Her first name was now attributed to pain, heartache, fighting, and screaming. So hearing him say that now, looking at her with eyes so full of emotion. So—unlike Shawn. Juliet was confused and hurting and she didn't understand what he was trying to tell her.

"What are you saying, Shawn?" Juliet could no longer keep her voice from breaking, nor could she keep the tears inside any longer.

His hand reached out again as he cupped her cheek. "I'm just saying that—I still love you. I probably always will. You were what I never thought I wanted, and what I always needed. I screwed that up, and I know it. It's fine. I've been able to dust myself off and move on. At least as well as I ever could. Beth is no Juliet O'Hara-" Shawn smiled softly. "But she makes me happy. At least I think she does." He nodded his head. "I'm fairly certain I can be happy with Beth. Even if my heart will always be pining after the one that got away." Shawn cringed as a particular memory floated back to the forefront of his mind. "By the way, Juliet. Abigail was never the one that got away. She was the one that never was—well-for a while-" Shawn sighed softly. "I am horrible at this." He laughed lightly, as his head shook. "What I'm trying to say is that Abby couldn't be the one that got away, because that title belongs to you solely." Leaning forward, Shawn kissed Juliet's cheek. "Promise me you'll be happy, because it'll kill me if you never move on."

Juliet nodded her head numbly, as she flashed back to a movie theater after a particularly grueling case. A kiss on the cheek, a weak smile, and then she had disappeared. Only this time, it was in reverse. She was the one receiving the kiss and smile. Just as she felt her cheeks enough to smile back, his back was turned, and a hushed whisper of "Goodbye, Juliet" could be heard as he walked slowly back down the aisle and away from Juliet.


	22. California King Bed

**A/N: So-I suck. I know. I hope this is fluffy enough for you guys. Enjoy!**

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><p><em>Chest to chest<em>

_Nose to nose_

_Palm to palm_

_We were always just that close_

Juliet O'Hara smiled brightly. Her eyes were closed tightly as the wind whipped her hair. The blanket beneath her body was chilled from the cool mid-February air. A hand intertwined with her own, as another hand lay flat against her stomach. Their un-eaten food lay beside them, in the old-fashioned pinic basket.

"I'm kind of worried about Yogi coming to steal our picnic basket."

Juliet laughed loudly. "Shawn. Yogi is a cartoon character."

"Shush now, Jules! You'll hurt the poor bear's feelings."

Juliet rolled her eyes, as she laughed. No matter how childish or messy he could be. Juliet O'Hara loved Shawn Spencer with a fiery intensity that burned deep within her. It felt like a forest fire inside her chest, set ablaze by his carefree smile. Turning toward the man of her affections, Juliet freed her hand from his grasp. Running her fingertips through his styled deep brown hair, she smiled. It was different than any other smile before, and that thought alone scared her. She was in too deep, this much she knew. One move from Shawn could merely shatter her heart, and yet she trusted him fully. This was the man that she could see herself marrying, and that was a thought she wouldn't have even let herself think a few years earlier.

"I love you." It was a hushed whisper. Shawn smiled brightly at her, and her heart melted from the fiery flames burning within.

"I love you too, Jules. Always have!" He leaned forward and gave her a kiss. "You mean the world to me. You know that right? No one, and nothing will ever compare to you. You had me stricken from that first day. Your beauty and your brains—you have it all."

Juliet's eyes glistened with unshed tears.

_Wrist to wrist_

_Toe to toe_

_Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose_

Juliet leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. It was soft at first, like a gentle caress. It quickly escalated, as many of their kisses did. Hands groping at hair, lips parting just far enough to gasp in minimal amounts of air, until they were both breathless with swollen lips.

Juliet giggled, as she pressed the back of her hand to her lips. Shawn's lips, no matter what he had recently eaten, always had a hint of a taste of pineapple. A flavor she was vastly becoming accustomed to. Though there were always those days when she felt like badgering him. Those were the days that she'd bring him smoothies, just to show off her new smoothie flavor of the day. Strawberry was always her favorite, though pineapple was starting to hold a special place in her heart.

"Ugh!"

Shawn made a face, though Juliet could see the playfulness in his hazel eyes. Playing along, Juliet stared at him, confused. "Didn't enjoy the kiss? Because I have an unbuckled bra that begs to differ." Juliet had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"Your lips taste like strawberries. Though I do enjoy a good strawberry on occasion, I am just stricken sad that your lips don't taste like pineapple." A pout formed on Shawn's lips.

"Well, I had a strawberry smoothie earlier." The pout turned into a full on frown.

"Strawberry, Jules? I thought we talked about this!"

"We did. You said I needed to drink more pineapple, and I said that I like strawberry too much to give it up."

Shawn huffed before crossing his arms over his chest. "Not cool."

"Oh, well, babe..." Juliet couldn't help the chuckle that bubbled up out of her mouth.

Shawn growled as suddenly turned toward her, and pushed Juliet to her back. "You're in trouble now!" Carefully, Shawn lifted his hands, examined her body before assaulting her sides with his fingers.

Juliet couldn't stop laughing. "Shawn, stop!"

_So, how come when I reach out my finger_

_It feels like more than distance between us_

_In this California king bed_

_We're ten thousand miles apart_

_For your heart for me_

_My California king_

Juliet woke with a start. Sweat gleamed on her forehead as she examined her surroundings. A frown etched on her face as she took in her empty bed, as the early morning rays of light splayed across the cold, empty spot. The spot that had never actually been taken by the man that continually haunted her dreams. Though she was unsure when she had gone from just having feelings for Shawn, into being in love with him, but she definitely couldn't deny that fact.

Not with the tears that were filling her eyes at the realization that her perfect dream, was just that. A dream. One that wasn't liable to come true. Juliet sat up, her back flush against the headboard of her bed. Drawing her knees up to her chest, she wound her arms around them. Her head fell forward, as she let the tears fall. At first it was just a couple of tears, then the sudden sadness that she would never really be happy without Shawn hit her, and her body hitched with broken sobs.

She had known from day one that Shawn Spencer was a heart-breaker, but she had never thought that he would break her heart. Though to be fair, he didn't even know he had done it. Those subtle looks that lingered longer than necessary were the worst. It was in those fleeting moments that Juliet was able to make herself believe that Shawn Spencer might actually love her too. Then they were gone, and she was brought back to reality. Reality suggested that she was a total fool to believe that Shawn Spencer could even fall in love, let alone with her.

Sighing, Juliet lift her head and gave up all hope that she'd end up happy with Shawn. Getting out of bed, even if she could sleep for another hour, Juliet grabbed her clothes and headed toward the bathroom. She was in need of a long, hot shower.

_Eye to eye_

_Cheek to cheek_

_Side by side_

_You were sleeping next to me_

Shawn smiled sleepily, as his eyes slowly blinked open. A second set of arms were wrapped tightly around his middle, while long blond hair flowed around his head. Her breathing was slow, in and out, deep in sleep. Their legs were tangled together under the sheet and blanket that covered their bodies. Snuggling in closer to Juliet, Shawn pressed his lips against her forehead, before pulling her flush against his chest.

She moaned appreciatively. "Love you." It was barely a whisper, but Shawn still heard it. Two words that generally had him running for the hills, instead made his heart burst with happiness. It was simple, and yet so complicated. How two little words could make him so happy.

"Love you too, Jules. Always have."

Juliet moaned lightly. "What?" Her blue eyes fluttered open. "Did you say something, Shawn?" Juliet lifted her head, so she could look at Shawn.

He smiled slightly. "Not a thing."

_Arm in arm_

_Dusk to dawn_

_With the curtains drawn_

_And a little last night on these sheets_

Juliet shrugged slightly, before laying her head back down on Shawn's bare chest. Her eyes took in the mess that was Shawn's room. Clues to what had transpired the night before were evident everywhere she looked. Clothing scattered everywhere and his floor lamp was now laying on it's side. A broken light blub was still connected to it.

She giggled lightly, realizing that they needed to fight more often if making up was going to be that much fun. Juliet had never been in such a relationship where the necessity to breath came directly from the person who was in the relationship with her. What she had with Shawn was so different than what she's ever had with any other man, and for that she was eternally grateful.

"Are you happy?"

The question took her by surprise, and had her head snapping back up to peer into his hazel eyes. The seriousness that lay just inside caused her heart to speed up slightly. Shawn wasn't one to be serious, not often at least, so this drastic turn of events left her reeling.

"Of course I am. Why would you question that?"

Shawn shrugged slightly, as he ran a hand through his blond hair. "Just—some things that you said last night. Made me think."

Juliet's nose wrinkled in confusion. She had remembered that they had gotten into a fight, when Shawn had forgotten to do the laundry like she had asked. Though they weren't technically living together, half of her wardrobe had ended up at his place, while half of his wardrobe was littering her house. They had made plans to stay at his house last night, and she had specifically told him to do the laundry, otherwise she wouldn't have anything to wear the next day. When she had arrived after her shift at the station, more tired than usual, Juliet realized that the laundry was still located in the same spot. She had yelled, pointed her finger. It had ended fine, when he had pinned her against the wall with his lips fastened to hers. However, the specifics of what she had said seemed to elude her memory.

"What did I say. Specifically?"

"That if I couldn't start pulling my weight in this relationship. That if I couldn't grow up enough, and be the man that deserved to be in a relationship, that our relationship would be over-"

Juliet clasped a hand over her mouth. That wasn't right, she hadn't meant it and he thought she did. Of course she'd love it if he could be more responsible and a little less childish, but there was no way that she'd ever end their relationship because of it.

"Shawn-"

Shawn shook his head. "You were right, Jules, and I'm sorry. Relationships aren't my strong suit. Why is it that you think I've never really been in one? I just—I need you to be happy, and if I'm not making you happy-"

Juliet sat up abruptly. "No! Don't you dare say that. You are making me plenty happy, Shawn. I was tired and I was pissed. To be honest I don't even think I had control over what came out of my mouth last night. I was in a bad mood before I even got here last night. It had nothing to do with you, Shawn, I swear. I love you. Don't ever doubt that."

Shawn smiled. "Good, because I love you too."

_So, how come when I reach out my fingers_

_It seems like more than distance between us_

_In this California king bed_

_We're ten thousand miles apart_

_For your heart for me_

_My California king_

Shawn jerked awake, sweat rolled down his head as his breathing and heart rate increased. She had been there. Right there. Her beautiful face looking up at him, with her blond hair scattered around her face. That smile that melted his heart was gleaming up at him, specifically for him. It had been so real. So amazingly real. Yet, there he lay. Alone, cold, in an empty bed, with Juliet O'Hara none the wiser.

How many times had he almost told her? All the flirting and shared smiles. All the moments of almost realization and close talking. All of it, and still she was blissfully unaware of how he felt. How he wanted nothing more than to kiss her lips. To hold her close as they make love, and whisper how much he loves her into her ear. Yet, there was something there, something held him back.

He knew what it was, but admitting it out loud would bare too painful for him. The sheer fact that he held himself back because he knew he would hurt her. No matter how much he didn't want to, no matter how hard he tried not to, it was inevitable. That was what hurt the most. He had watched in horror as his parents marriage had self-destructed right in front of his eyes. The constant yelling and bickering. The slamming of doors and squealing of tires. Shawn had bared witness to all of that and knew that he was destined to repeat his parents mistakes.

It had already shown on more than one occasion. Fights with girls that he had dated for a couple of weeks. Irritation with girls that he had dated for a couple of months. That's why he never stayed with one girl for very long. It wasn't because he was a womanizing dirt bag, like he was sure most of them thought he was. It was because more often than not, he cared enough to not put them through the self-destruction that was sure to appear after a while. Sure, they might last for a few months or even a few years, but eventually he would hit that self-destruct button and it would all come crashing down in a burning heap. He couldn't do that to Juliet, and that was why he kept their—relationship—at arms length. Keeping it simple, a little flirting here and there. That was harmful. Except to himself.

_Just when I felt like giving up on us_

_You turned around and gave me one last touch_

_That made everything feel better_

_And even then my eyes got wetter_

_So confused wanna ask you if you love me_

_But I don't wanna seem so weak_

Shawn swaggered into the station. A smile crossing his lips upon seeing Juliet, the girl that would forever haunt his dreams. Bypassing Lassiter's desk—for now, Shawn sat his sights on Juliet, and walked over toward her.

"How is Santa Barbara's most beautiful detective? Just don't tell Lassie, God knows he was looking forward to the title."

Juliet's eyes lifted from the paper she was examining intently. The bags under her eyes were enough by themselves to scare Shawn, however the redness in them spoke volumes. Someone had hurt her, someone had made her cry. Shawn felt the overwhelming feeling of wanting to cause that person harm, and Shawn Spencer was anything but violent.

"She is exhausted." The smile that crossed her oh-so-beautiful lips was inherently fake. Shawn saw through her facade quickly.

"What's wrong, Jules?" Shawn asked, his voice soft as he perched himself on the edge of her desk.

"It's nothing, really, Shawn." She smiled a bit more brightly, and it caused a stab of pain to radiate around Shawn's heart.

"Most everyone around here might actually buy that crap, but not me. Now, what's wrong?" He leaned in closer, and placed his thumb under her chin to force her to look at him.

"It's just going to sound childish."

"Never." His face was merely a few inches from her's. So close that she could feel his breath against her cheek.

"There is a guy—I don't even think he knows how much I care."

Shawn tried to keep his face from falling. Forcing a smile, he placed a hand against her cheek. "Just tell him, Jules. Any guy would be a fool to say no to you."

Juliet laughed lightly. "Yeah. I'll think about that."

Shawn stood up from her desk. "I gotta be going." He held a hand against his stomach. "This bad boy gets pretty upset when I don't feed him when he tells me to."

Juliet nodded her head. "Bye, Shawn."

He took a couple of steps before he stopped and turned back toward her. "How's about you join me, Juliet. We can make it a lunch date." The smile spread on his face, when he saw her face light up.

"Sounds great, Shawn."


	23. All Cried Out

**A/N: So-I suck. I know. Enjoy!**

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><p><em>All alone on a Sunday morning<em>

_Outside I see the rain is falling, whoa oh.._

_Inside I'm slowly dying_

_But the rain will hide my crying, crying, crying_

Juliet sighed softly. Her legs were drawn up underneath her body, as she stared out the window. The rain was pelting the concrete with renewed force. The dark sky outside let out a loud rumble of thunder that shook the wall beside her. A brilliant flash of lightning streaked the sky. Silent tears slipped down her cheeks.

She had married Shawn Spencer one year ago today. It had been the most beautiful day of her life, and it was still engrained in her head just how much they loved each other. However, six months into her fairytale happy ending, Shawn became distant. Juliet had lost count of how many times he had canceled their dinner plans to hang out with Gus instead. It seemed like the moment he put that ring on her finger, he knew he had her. She was worried that he no longer enjoyed spending time with her, that he might even no love her anymore. He was back to his flirtatious self, and right in front of her. Like it didn't bother her that he was eying some blond bimbo in a halter top.

Her body started to jerk as sobs broke through. She was constantly in pain. Her heart was always hurting, because he was always breaking it. The worst part was that he would realize her pain, and make up for it. Things would be amazing for a few days before he slipped back into his old ways of ignoring her. That's what hurt her the most. The fact that he didn't even care enough to pretend anymore.

She sighed, as she stood up, turned off the television and eyed the clock. Almost midnight. As if it was the first time he's lied to her.

_And you_

_Don't you know my tears will burn the pillow_

_Set this place on fire_

_'Cause I'm tired of your lies_

_All I needed was a simple "Hello"_

_But the traffic was so noisy that you could not hear me cry_

By the time Shawn came in, Juliet was curled up in bed. He smiled softly, as he crawled in beside her. His arm snaked around her body, pulling her body taut against his. Smoothing back her frazzled hair, he kissed the side of her head.

"Goodnight, Jules. Love you."

Juliet's eyes were slitted, as she pretended to be asleep. Her heart raced at his words and she found herself even more excited when she didn't smell alcohol on his breath. However, just as quickly as the close intimacy occurred, it ended. Shawn's body went lax beside her, his arm draped loosely over her thin frame. She eyed the clock and groaned. It was three in the morning. Tears filled her eyes again, causing her eyes to burn uncomfortably. Turning slightly, so that she was on her back, Juliet eyed Shawn's sleeping form. He hadn't even changed out of his clothes. That's when she spotted it. The streetlamp outside the window lit it up like the Fourth of July. Tears started to flow down her cheeks, as she shook Shawn's lifeless body.

"Ugh! Jules. Sleeping here!"

Juliet pressed her fist against her mouth to keep the sobbing to a minimum. It was like a bright red beacon, flashing it's lights right in front of her face. It screamed _**cheater**_. If the lipstick on his shirt collar wasn't bad enough, then the lipstick on his cheek and neck were the final nail in their marriage coffin. It was suddenly a weight sitting on her chest. She had been right. He didn't love her anymore.

Turning away from him, her body started to jerk as she shoved her face against her pillow as another sob tore through her body. She couldn't do this anymore. Once and for all, she was going to confront him, and then she was going to file divorce papers.

_I gave you my love in vain_

_My body never knew such pleasure,_

_My heart never knew such pain_

_And you, you leave me so confused..._

_Now I'm all cried out, over you_

Juliet smiled brightly, Shawn sat in his recliner watching a baseball game on television. Occasionally he'd yell out about a bad call, as he sipped on his beer. She twirled the ring on her left hand, as the gold band glinted in the mid-afternoon sun. Juliet had never felt happier in her entire life.

"Shawn?"

He grabbed the remote and paused the action on the screen in front of him, before directing his attention toward Juliet. "Yeah, babe?" He smiled her favorite lop-sided grin.

"I was just thinking that it's so beautiful outside, do you wanna take a walk with me?"

He sighed for a moment, before siphoning half the reminder of the bottle of beer. "Jules, do I look like the _go for a walk_ type of guy?" His hands motioning to his body.

"Yeah. You have a point. I just thought we could do something fun together."

He smiled impishly. "Oh I can think of something a lot more fun to do, then walking." His eyebrow quirked suggestively.

"Oh really?" Juliet tried to hide the smile that wanted to creep onto her face.

"Oh yeah. It involves both of us and a very squeaky bed. I'm also fairly certain that involves annoyed neighbors, but that's neither here nor there." Shawn waved his hand back and forth, as he let down his recliner. Sitting on the edge of his chair, he smiled at Juliet before motioning for her to come toward him.

"That does sound fun..." Her voice grew husky. She stood up, and walked toward the wall and leaned against it. "But why should I walk all the way over there, when the bedroom is over here?"

Shawn's eyebrow quirked for a moment, before he growled. Juliet yelped as she took off running toward the bedroom with Shawn on her heels. His hands dove out to grab a hold of Juliet's sides. She screamed for a moment before his fingers started to dig into her sides. Her screaming ebbed over into laughter.

"Shawn...Shawn stop!" She said in between giggles. Her hand reached out to swat at his arms.

"Oh you're not getting off that easy! You made me run, you must pay!" Shawn chuckled as he lifted her up, before tossing her to the bed. His arms pinned her to the bed. His hands hovered over her sides, as she fought against the laughter bubbling up inside of her.

"Shawn!"

He smirked for a moment, before ducking in for a kiss. "Come on, Jules. You can't stay mad at me." He wagged his eyebrows.

Juliet laughed, before swatting his chest. "I suppose not."

"I love you, Jules. So much." His eyes glistened slightly.

"I love you too, Shawn. So much." She leaned in and kissed his lips lightly.

_I'm over you, oh yeah you_

_Never wanted to see things your way_

_Had to go astray_

_Oh why was I such a fool, baby_

_Now I see that the grass is greener_

_Is it too late for me to find my way home,_

_How could I be so wrong?_

Shawn yawned as he patted Juliet's side of the bed. He groaned, as he lifted himself into a sitting position. A wonderful four hours of sleep. Fantastic. He stood up, at least he was dressed, even if the same clothes that he had on from the night before. Running his hands through his misshapen hair, his feet padded down the hallway as he went to the dining room.

"What's for breakfast, babe?" Shawn called, as he sat down in a chair.

"Bacon and eggs." Juliet yelled back, before walking into the room with a plate full of food. Sitting it down in front of him, he leaned his head back as she kissed his cheek.

"Cheek?"

"Yeah, we need to talk."

Shawn groaned, as he ran a hand over his face. "About what?"

Juliet sighed, sitting her plate down. She remained standing, as she played with the hem of her shirt. "About the constant lying, Shawn. The fact that you have lipstick on your shirt and face. If your screwing someone else, I'm pretty sure I have a right to know."

His head dropped. "Jules." It was merely a whisper but the tone of his voice gave her the answer she was praying she wouldn't get.

"You bastard!"

"Listen to me! Let me explain!"

Juliet paced the space beside the table. Her hand in her hair. "Explain? How do you explain cheating on me?"

"It's not that cut and dry, Jules..."

"Don't!" Juliet turned on her heel and pointed at him. "Don't you dare! You've lost the right to call me that!"

"Juliet. Please."

"No! I can handle some of the crap you've been pulling, but Shawn, I have to draw a line somewhere. We've been married a year—yesterday! Oh wait, perhaps you forgot, since you didn't even come home to celebrate our anniversary!"

Shawn sighed. "Shit. I knew I was forgetting something."

"Oh yeah. What, were you too busy screwing your slutty mistress to worry about your anniversary with your wife?"

Shawn stood up, the chair he was sitting on toppled over. "It was once! One time, I made a mistake!"

"Really, am I just supposed to believe that, Shawn? So why have you been coming in at two and three every morning? Because you just love getting no sleep?"

His head dropped forward. "She's been stalking me. I didn't want her to hurt you! So I stay out late to ensure that she's left, and then I come home."

"I don't believe you for one second. I just—I can't do this! I have to get ready for work. When I get home, I want you gone. I mean, take your shit and get the hell out of the house, kind of gone. Believe me when I say this, Shawn. If one piece of clothing or one of your stupid action figures is left in this house when I get home, I will burn it. All of it!" Juliet turned on her heel and stormed off to the bedroom.

Shawn sighed, as he ran a hand through his hair. "I am sorry, Jules." He whispered as he headed to the bedroom and started to pack his bag. He'd have Gus help him retrieve the rest of his belongings later on. Once his bag was packed, he grabbed his keys and hopped on his bike. With one last, longing glance at the house, he took off down the street as tears slipped down his cheek.

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><p><strong>You hate me, I'm awful. I know! I fought with myself on this one. I didn't want to do it, but this is one of my all-time favorite songs...so yeah...fluffy chapter up next! <strong>


	24. For The First Time

**A/N: I had THE hardest time writing this chapter. I thought this song would be easy. Wrong! Hope you enjoy! **

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><p><em>She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart<em>

Juliet curled up on her bed. Her knees drawn up to her chest as tears slipped down her cheeks. How did it get to this point? She didn't understand how she had allowed it to make it to this point. Where it was either Shawn or her job. For most people it was a simple choice. Either you were career driven or you were motivated by love. For Juliet the choice was hard and horrible and she found herself second guessing herself numerous times.

She had backed Shawn up. Had helped him investigate a senator, when Chief Vick had clearly told her to back off. Shawn had been so sure that Senator Morgan had embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars. There was no physical proof and it wasn't technically their jurisdiction, but Shawn had known that no one would listen to him without proof. Shawn had never been wrong before, not when he was that sure about something.

Juliet blindly followed Shawn deep into the investigation, only to have it come out that the senator's assistant had actually been stealing the money. It came out that an unknown SBPD detective had been investigating the senator for the crime and upon the mention of the station's only psychic, Chief Vick had known which detective had been doing the investigating.

That day was still living brightly in the forefront of Juliet's mind. Sitting in the chief's office being scolded like a child. Juliet's head had hung sadly as she sat there and took everything the chief had thrown at her. The reaming had ended abruptly when the chief paused slightly and cleared her throat. At which Chief Vick told Juliet the only reason she hadn't been reprimanded for having a relationship with a co-worker, even if that co-worker was a consultant, was because the chief believed that Juliet could keep her work and private relationship separate. Suddenly she gave Juliet a choice, end things with Shawn, or turn in her badge.

Juliet had been given two days to think it over, which brought her to the present day. Today was her last day to think it over, tomorrow meant that she'd have to give the chief an answer. It always came back to the same thing. Every since that case had ended, Shawn had become distant. When she needed him the most, he wasn't there. It felt like he had abandoned her. Which was why she was staring at her badge with the feeling that either choice would break her heart. If she gave up her career for Shawn and he left her—A sob brought through her mouth at the thought. However, if she chose her career over Shawn for fear of the unknown—She sighed. It was an impossible choice. One she really wanted to talk over with Shawn.

_While I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar_

Shawn downed the beer in front of him before motioning for another one. The past three days had been horrible in the absolute lowest sense. The chief wasn't supposed to find out that they had been secretly investigating the senator. Juliet and himself had been very careful to tread lightly where the senator was concerned. What bothered him the most, wasn't so much that the chief had found out, but how she had found out. An anonymous tip called into the local news station? That just didn't sit right with him. Then again, every ounce of evidence they had found, which wasn't much, pointed it's ugly, dirty finger right at the senator. Nothing even provoked his senses to look elsewhere, like the senator's assistant.

How exactly did no one think to figure out how the assistant had the ability to put his grubby little hands on money that didn't belong to either of them? Was it just him, or were these obvious questions that needed to be asked?

A sigh sounded from his mouth, as he nursed a sip from his knew beer. As of right then, his head was still clear enough to think, though he did have a nice little buzz. He planned on keeping it that way. Small sips on his new beer would keep him buzzed enough to dull the pain of never working another case, while keeping his mind relatively sharp. At least enough to think through this ridiculous case.

Bringing his free hand to his temple, he started to massage the now aching part of his head for a moment. He was missing something, that much he knew. Closing his eyes he let the images from the case come into view and examined them all thoroughly, but nothing stood out.

He eyed the clock and let his head fall forward. Juliet would be going to bed soon. Which meant he could go home, slip into bed beside her and fall asleep. For a few hours anyway. Part of him wondered why he was even still living with her, he knew she hated him. She hadn't spoken to him since the chief had more or less yanked Juliet into her office. Then of course there was the guilt. He had practically begged Juliet to help him, even after the chief had told them to back off. She could have very well have lost her job because of him and he was too chicken to face her. He sighed, placed some money on the counter, finished off his beer and walked easily to the door. He eyed his bike for a moment, and shook his head. He pocketed his keys for a moment and thought for a minute. If he called Gus, his best buddy would poke and prod until Shawn spilled his guts, and that was the opposite of what he needed right now. Then there was Juliet, but that was a far too scary to think about. Juliet had quite the temper, and driving with her while she was yelling. He'd be safer to drive himself home. He could call his dad, but that was a lecture just waiting to happen. Which he most definitely not in the mood for. Especially since he was certain that Henry had heard of the disbanding of Psych.

One more sigh, brought his phone to his ear. "Yeah. I need a cab to Tom Blair's Pub, please." Turning around, Shawn sat on the window ledge and peered out into the street.

_I've got a new job now on the unemployment line_

Shawn groaned as he placed a hand to his head. Why didn't he stop himself from diving head first into a oblivion? Why was he such an idiot? Why? Sighing, he rolled over and smacked his hand against his alarm clock. He knew that he needed to get up, he had an important appointment that he couldn't miss, and yet he couldn't harder muster the energy to toss the blankets off his legs.

"Why do I torture myself?" Shawn called out to no one other than himself. His eyes peered holes into the ceiling. "I hate my life." He groaned.

Shawn pulled the blankets off his body and yanked himself into a sitting position. A groan escaped his lips, as the world that he knew tilted and his stomach sloshed around uncomfortably as last night's Jack Daniels started to make a burning return to the back of his throat. Shawn knew it was lost battle as he breathed carefully threw his nose, as he stood up and walked slowly toward the bathroom. However the rumble going on within his body sped up, and Shawn's slow pace turned into a full fledged run as he slid in behind the toilet and heaved the minimal contents of his stomach.

When he was able to catch his breath, Shawn glared at the wall in front of him. "I am never drinking again."

He knew it was a lie from the moment it slipped from his mouth. Waiting a few minutes, Shawn finally climbed to his feet and turned on the shower. He felt disgusting and probably didn't smell much better. His appointment today was far too important to make them queasy from smelling him. Ripping the clothes from his body, Shawn slipped under the spray and let his mind wonder. After a few moments of mechanical movements, Shawn was nearly finished, as he turned the facet off. Grabbing a hold of his towel, he ran it against his head before slinging it around his waist.

His feet padded against the floor as he walked back toward his bedroom. Digging through his drawers, Shawn finally yanked out a pair of boxers, and yanked them up, letting the towel drop to the floor. He then proceeded to dig around for the rest of his wardrobe before making a decision and pulling them on. Shawn shoved his feet into shoes, stopped off the at the bathroom to actually comb his hair. Making a face at the unnatural state of his hair, Shawn left before he could change his mind.

Straddling his bike, Shawn pulled his helmet on and quickly took off down the road. Veering in and out of traffic, Shawn found himself parking in front of the large, menacing building. Pulling his helmet off, Shawn carried it in his hand as he walked toward the building. Walking up to the window, Shawn smiled brightly. "Hello, there. Shawn Spencer. I have a meeting planned with Mr. Michelson."

The blond on the other side of the window returned his smile. "Hello, Mr. Spencer. Welcome to the unemployment office. Mr. Michelson will be with you shortly, please have a seat."

_She's in line at the dole_

_With her head held high _

Juliet sighed, her badge and gun where sitting atop the chief's desk. It had started as a simple question, and now it felt like her world might tumble to an end if she actually had to make the decision. With her eyes closed, Juliet breathed slowly through her nose. Tears were forming in the corner of her eyes as the thoughts of the previous few days washed over her. Had she lost Shawn? He hadn't even came to see her since everything had happened—but what if he was just trying to work through things in his own way? If she chose the job over him, then she would surely lose him. Yet, she couldn't force herself to say the words out loud.

She had known her decision when she walked into the station, but she couldn't force herself to speak the words. Saying them aloud would make them all too real. She would be jobless and broke. Sighing, Juliet opened her eyes and stared at Chief Vick. "I can't keep doing this job, not with what you did to Shawn."

Juliet waited for the chief to start yelling, she had expected it. Juliet had chosen her words wisely, attempting to keep Karen from getting angry. The words she wanted to say, to scream at her, were still tucked safely inside her mind. Chief Vick simply nodded, the only proof of her anger was her cheeks flushing red.

"I do caution you, Miss O'Hara. Once you've made this decision, there is no undoing it."

Juliet sighed. "You fired, Shawn."

Chief Vick's eyes darkened. "Because he disobeyed my orders, which is obviously nothing new. However, this time, Mr. Spencer crossed a line that even I couldn't pull him back from. He was being threatened with jail time, Miss O'Hara. I did what had to be done to keep him out of prison—unless you would have rather that happen?" The chief's eyebrow quirked slightly.

"No." It was merely a whisper, but it was there. "But I can't lose him, either. So if I have to chose, I chose him." With that Juliet stood up, with more confidence she had, and walked out of the chief's office.

_While I just lost my job but_

_Didn't lose my pride_

"You're an idiot!" Shawn glared at the back of his boss' head. One damn day, that was how long he had been working in this sweatshop known as a factory. The things that happen in this place should be illegal.

"Am not!" Shawn shouted at his boss.

He turned on his heel, a frown etched firmly on his lips and the crease in his forehead growing. "What did you say?"

"I am not an idiot." Shawn crossed his arms over his chest. "I won't just stand here and take that, Harry."

Harry's face turned an odd shade of purple. Definitely a color his father's face has turned on more than one occasion. Shawn thought he only had the ability to do this to his father, it gave him a certain amount of pride knowing that he could case others to turn _heart attack purple_.

"Are you back-talking me, boy?" Harry's eyebrow cocked. "I gave you this job because I know your father. I won't stand here and let you back-sass me though."

Shawn laughed, loudly. "Back-sass? Do people still use that term outside of the Midwest? That's hilarious. You're a pretty funny dude, Harry. Who knew?"

The vein in Harry's neck throbbed in time with his breathing. "You go on and leave now. Don't come back tomorrow. I'm gonna be having a talk with your father too."

Shawn guffawed loudly. "Oh no, don't tell my daddy!" Shawn smirked. "Thanks for the hellhole of a job, Harry, but factory work just isn't what I was cut out to do."

Shawn started to march out of the warehouse he was working in. As he straddled his bike, he laughed, really laughed. He knew he should be a little put off that he had been fired after just one day on the job, but he couldn't bring himself to be upset. He was starting to feel like his old self again. With a smile on his lips, Shawn knew exactly where he was going, just as soon as he showered off the grime of working in that sweatshop.

_we're gonna start by_

_Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,_

_Sit talking up all night,_

_Saying things we haven't for a while_

_We're smiling but we're close to tears,_

_Even after all these years,_

_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time_

Juliet sat on her couch, her legs drawn up underneath her. A glass full of wine in one hand, and the remote control in the other. She mindlessly flipped through the channels as she thought of what she was going to do for an income. She sighed as she stopped at one of her favorite movies, and tried to turn off her mind. After ten minutes of successfully turning off her mind, Juliet heard someone knock on her door.

"Just a sec." She called out, as she sat her wine glass on the end table, before muting the television. After one more peek at the television, Juliet padded quickly over to the door before opening it. She almost fell backward. "Shawn?" Shock filtered into her voice.

"Hey, Jules. Mind if I come in?" His eyebrow quirked.

Juliet fought the urge to smiled at him, but moved just enough to the right to allow him entrance into her apartment. He walked in and sat down in the chair that he generally accompanied, as Juliet sat back down on the couch, drawling her feet back underneath of her.

"So..." Juliet trailed off, hoping he'd explain his sudden appearance back into her life.

He smiled weakly at her. "First. I'm sorry." His face sobered up quickly. "I am so sorry, Jules. I know that you've been having as hard a time as I have, and I couldn't even be there for you."

Juliet gasped lightly. That had not been what she was expecting. "This works both ways, Shawn. It's not like I reached out to you either."

Shawn nodded. "Not that I blame you. I got you in trouble—the chief wasn't too hard on you was she?"

Juliet laughed mirthlessly. "She gave me an ultimatum, Shawn."

His eyebrows shot up immediately. "What kind?" He croaked out.

"Either I end our relationship or I'm jobless."

"Oh." His mouth hung open for a moment, before he slammed it shut. "I should-" He coughed awkwardly. "I should go." He stood up.

"Shawn, wait." Juliet's hand lunged forward, grabbing his wrist.

He looked down at her. "Why? I just know that Lassie-face is out there playing detective as we speak."

Juliet couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up at that. "First." Juliet held up a finger. "Carlton doesn't play detective, since he is one." Shawn merely nodded. "Second." Juliet added a finger. "I'm no longer employed at the Santa Barbara police department."

Shawn's eyes widen slightly. "You—you quit?" Juliet nodded her head. "For me?" He asked, pointing at himself. Juliet nodded more vigorously. "Well, don't I feel like a jackass."

Juliet laughed at that. "Would you like a glass of wine?"

Shawn smiled brightly. "I'd love some." He said, as he followed Juliet into the kitchen. "While I wait, would you like to hear how I got fired from my new job in one day?"

Juliet looked back at him, her eyebrow quirked. "Do share."

"Well, see. The first mistake was allowing my dad to find me a job. I might as well have asked for the worst job on the planet. Second mistake was not knowing that factory work is like working in a sweatshop. I mean, my God. Jules, I thought I was literally going to sweat to death. Then Harry, one of my dad's poker buddies, thought he could call me an idiot and I'd just stand there and take it. Needless to say, I made him turn the color purple that I was fairly certain was only reserved for my father. That was definitely entertaining."

Juliet shook her head. "Is this going to be a problem?"

Shawn smiled. "It's a possibility. I just, I want you to be fully aware of what you could be getting into here."

Juliet smiled. "Shawn, I knew what I was getting into that first time I kissed you." She stalked forward and stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his. "I've never regretted a moment."

Shawn smiled at her, before pressing his lips against hers again. "Good, because once you've gone Jules … you just can't go back to regular girls."


	25. Almost Lover

**_A/N:_ **Spoilers for episode 7x07. Just a warning. Also, sad...depressing...the usual. Enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>Your fingertips across my skin<em>

_The palm trees swaying in the wind_

_Images_

* * *

><p>Juliet could practically still feel Shawn's limber fingers grazing against her bare skin. The tender kisses that would travel from her head to her toes, and the urgently, passionate way that he would kiss her when it was just the two of them. His presence still lingered in the house, and she hated it. Everything she saw, everything she looked at reminded her of him, which only caused the pain of the truth to chip off another piece of her all too broken heart.<p>

Time heals all wounds. That was how the saying went, but apparently whoever had so cleverly thought up that saying, had never had their entire world snatched from them in a blink of an eye, or in Juliet's case, in the drop of a word. Though to be fair, Juliet had known what was coming before the words had left Shawn's mouth. She had denied it vehemently, tried to figure out a reason as to what was really going on. A reason that didn't involve him lying to her for seven damn years. Yet, he had shown his cards before he had a chance to say a word. The way that he had danced, softly—slowly, from one foot to another, was only one of the dead giveaways. As much as she hated to admit it, the pain on his face as the words seeped from his mouth like vomit...it had hurt her to know that he was hurting. How messed up was that?

Juliet's hand grazed over to the cold, empty side of the bed. _His_ side of the bed. Tears welled in her eyes, as her hand gripped his stale, cold pillow and pulled it against her stomach. She wanted to hate him, it was all she had asked for as she had stalked out of Lassiter's reception, the ability to hate Shawn Spencer. That had been two weeks ago, and she still hadn't been granted that ability.

Turning onto her side, Juliet let her face fall against his pillow, tears soaking it quickly, as she inhaled his remaining scent left behind, like an old battered memory. The familiar smell brought the tears quicker and faster. A sob broke through her mouth, as her body shook. It felt like this was the thousandth time she had cried in the past two weeks. She figured she would have dried up every ounce of moisture inside her body by now, but cruelly, after each sob-filled session of crying, her body would re-moisturize itself, leaving her to fall victim to the cruel action of sobbing over and over again.

Juliet tried to calm her shaking body and ebb the flow of tears. She tried to push any and all thought of Shawn Spencer from her mind, but the harder she tried the more the memories came to her. Fast and hard, causing her body to shake harder with each new memory. They came on so quickly that they weren't even like memories, merely flashes of images of all the amazing times that she had spent with Shawn. Every single time that he had done something that had, at the time, seemed like innocent flirtation, she now realized to be his awkward way of telling her how he felt.

Slowly, without her even realizing, Juliet started to drift off to sleep. Her last remaining thought was about her partner. He didn't know _why_ Juliet had broken up with Shawn, but he knew that Shawn had done something to hurt her. The day he had found out about their breakup, and what it had done to her, Lassiter had all but threatened to shoot Shawn for hurting her. Since then, Lassiter had spent more time with her than he had his own wife. She felt horrible, monopolizing all of Lassiter's time, but Juliet knew that being alone wasn't really her best option right now.

* * *

><p><em>You sang me Spanish lullabies<em>

_The sweetest sadness in your eyes_

_Clever trick_

* * *

><p>"<em>You have to believe me." Shawn prompted, tears were flush against his eyelashes, as they batted softly. His face was soft, a look of pure and excruciating heartbreak was written on his features. From the looks of him, he hadn't been sleeping. His hair was sticking up at odd angles, the light stubble that generally grazes his cheeks has grown in quite a bit, but it was the dark purple circles under his eyes that truly gave him away. <em>

_Juliet bit her lip to keep her own tears at bay. If she was completely honest with herself, she wanted to forgive him. She wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened and wrap herself into his arms and get lost in his soft, urgent kisses. Yet, she knew that she couldn't. He had betrayed her trust, and he knew how important trust was to her. After her father...and Lloyd. Trust wasn't something that she gave out easily, and Shawn had just ripped up every ounce of trust inside of her. _

"_I wish I could." She said softly, unwilling to meet his eyes. She knew if she did all she would see was the beautiful sadness of his hazel colored eyes, and it would melt her heart and soul. Never in her life had Juliet ever met a man that made her feel like Shawn did. _

"_But, sweetheart." Shawn sighed out. _

_Juliet swallowed thickly, her eyes still downcast. Shawn rarely used words like _sweetheart_ or _honey_, and when he did, it was when he was hurting. "You hurt me, Shawn. Do you really think I can just forgive you? Just like that?" Juliet snapped her fingers to signify just how quickly she meant. _

"_I understand that, baby. I do. I hurt you, and I feel lower than low for that. It was never my intention. I never, ever planned on hurting you. Hell, I never planned on falling in love with you. Not like this. Not in such a way that the thought of not being with you is killing me. I never wanted to be with someone, to be near them, as much as I have wanted to be with you. I never lied about how I feel about you, Jules. You are my everything, and I honestly don't know how I can live without you in my life." Shawn sighed, as he swiped his jacket clad arm against his face, drying the tears that continued to fall. "I never asked you for your forgiveness. That is up to you to give me, if and when you think I've earned it. I would never force you into forgiving me, Jules. All I'm asking for is for you to believe me. For you to believe that I had absolutely no choice." _

_Juliet sniffled lightly, she sighed. "It's not my disbelief in you, Shawn. If you say that you did it to save your ass, then fine, I believe you. I don't think that you would drag Gus and your father into this mess if it wasn't for a very good reason. That doesn't change the fact that you _lied_ to me for _years_ about it." _

_Shawn took a tentative step forward, his arms were held out in an attempt to grab a hold of Juliet's shoulders, but one look at her made him realize that wasn't a good idea. Instead, he dropped his arms, a look of defeat clouded his face, and he sighed. "Only to protect you. I had already dragged Gus and my dad into this mess. Vick was swearing to me that if I was lying she'd lock me up, I could only assume that she'd do the same with Gus and my dad for being my accomplices. I couldn't bare the thought of risking, not only your job, but your life. If you knew that truth and you didn't turn me in...she could've done the same with you. I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't." _

_Juliet groaned, everything that he was saying. It all sounded exactly right. It all sounded perfect, but Juliet couldn't get the feeling to leave her that he was lying—or hiding something else. _

"_I just can't do this right now, Shawn. I need space—time." _

_He nodded, "Alright. Okay. I can do that. I-" He paused, as he swiped a hand through his hair, "how do I do that?" he asked. _

_Juliet shrugged, the next words out of her mouth were bound to break both of their hearts into pieces but they needed to be said. "I think you should move out, Shawn." _

_Running a hand over his face, he nodded. "I'll see if Gus will let me crash at his place." He mumbled, as he turned to leave. He stopped mid-step and cocked his head. He stared at Juliet for a moment, "This won't be the end of us. I won't let it." _

Juliet's eyes snapped open as she sat up in her bed. Shawn's pillow still clutched in her arms. Tears streamed down her cheeks. "I just want to hate him." Juliet mumbled, as she gripped his pillow tightly in her fist, flinging it across the room. "Please, just let me hate him."

* * *

><p><em>I never want to see you unhappy<em>

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

* * *

><p>Shawn stared at the wall in Gus' apartment. Tears on his lashes, having not yet fallen, and a bottle of beer clutched in his hand. Gus had long since hidden all of the harder stuff, and Shawn found it nearly impossible to get drunk off the awful amber liquid in the glass bottle.<p>

He tried to think of how it had gotten so bad. If only he hadn't given Juliet his jacket. Shawn sighed, and shook his head. It did him no good to travel down the road of what if's. Not to mention that his secret would have come out one way or another, at least this way Juliet didn't have to find out in front of everyone. It was the one positive in a week full of heartache and hell.

Shawn hadn't forgotten his promise. This wouldn't be the end of their relationship, it couldn't be. Not when he loved her like he had never loved anyone else. Juliet was the only woman that he actually saw himself having a future with. Shawn had never willingly moved in with any of his other previous girlfriends. That had to count for something.

Heaving a sigh, Shawn sat down his beer bottle before pulling himself into a standing position. He eyed the clock and noted the time. She was probably asleep, but he had to see her. He had given her a week. Had refused every case the chief had thrown his way in his way of giving her the space she had so asked for.

He looked at his keys and groaned. He wasn't stupid, while he wasn't drunk, he knew it would be better if he didn't attempt to ride his motorcycle in his inebriated state. Grabbing his jacket on his way out the door, Shawn pulled it on and started walking toward Juliet's house. He was going to win back his girl if it was the last thing he did.

Juliet opened a groggy eye, trying to figure out when she had fallen asleep again. She eyed the clock and moaned. A knock sounded on the door, and she realized that the sound was what had woken her. She became more aware, as she grabbed her gun from her nightstand drawer and stood up. She walked in quick steps toward the door and peered through the peep hole. She groaned.

"Shawn. Go away."

She heard as his body leaned heavily against the door. "Please, Jules, let me in. I just want to talk."

Juliet laughed mirthlessly. "Well, I don't. So go back to Gus'." She heard the obvious slur in his words, and knew he had been drinking.

Shawn placed his palm against the surface of the door, his face twisting against it. "That's the beauty of talking, Jules. If you don't want to, you don't have to. All I need you to do is listen, can you do that?"

Juliet sighed, "No, Shawn. Don't make me call Gus."

Shawn sighed. "I gave you a week, Jules. You asked for time, and I gave it to you. I turned down multiple cases from the chief in an effort to give you the space that you wanted. Please, just hear me out. _Please_." Shawn begged.

Juliet slowly felt her resolve falling away. She was exhausted, constantly haunted by Shawn's face in her dreams, and she didn't have the energy to fight him any longer. Instead of answering him, she merely unlocked the door and pulled it open, allowing him entrance into her house.

Shawn staggered slightly, his eyes bloodshot, as he weaved his way to the couch and plopped down. He propped his head on his elbows that sat on his knees. Slowly, he rubbed his hands against his face. Perhaps he made the wrong decision doing this when he was under the influence of alcohol. Sighing, he looked up at Juliet.

"I am in pain, Jules. It hurts every single day that we're apart. Every single part of me longs to be near you. To see you. To touch you. Every day that we're apart, it's like one more part of myself breaks away, and I can't take the pain any longer. When I said that it was never my intention of hurting you, I was being honest. I never meant to fall in love with you. That was never part of the plan. Then you waltz into my life with your cute, adorable little quirks. That gorgeous smile and infectious laugh, and you turned my world upside down. I had to protect you, so I lied. I wish it hadn't been so easy, but I do know that the more I got to know you...the closer we got, the harder the lying became. I never wanted to hurt you, I was trying to protect you from being hurt, but all you've done since you found out is hurt me. Intentional or not, it all hurts the same." He sighed, her expression was unreadable, and he stood up, unable to take sitting still any longer. "If you don't want to be with me anymore...if you don't love me anymore, I get it. Just say the word, and I'll leave. But, Jules, no matter how I do what I do, it's a good thing. I put criminals...murderers behind bars. So, yes, I lie about how I do it, but that shouldn't matter so long as I'm getting results."

Juliet sighed, her eyes fell to the carpet. "Shawn..."

"Just...if you're going to breakup with me, promise me one thing. Don't implicate Gus or my dad. I don't care what happens to me, but I don't want them to pay for something that I did."

Juliet looked up at him, the defeated look on his face and the pain in his eyes caused her wall to drop and the mask to fall away. Her face crumpled as tears slid down her cheeks.

"I want to hate you. I want nothing more than to hate you—or better yet, to not feel anything, but I can't, Shawn. I love you too much to hate you. That's why it hurts so badly! I trusted you more than anyone else in this entire world...even more than Carlton, and that is a lot, Shawn. I should trust him the most in this world because he's my partner. He is the only other person standing between me and potential death, but that's not how I feel. You broke that trust, and I don't know that you'll ever be able to win it back. It hurts too badly." She sighed, "I'm not going to say anything to anyone. I wouldn't do that to you. Like you said, it doesn't matter how you do it, you get the job done and that's all that matters. It doesn't change the fact that you blatantly lied to me continuously for so long. I'm not willing to forgive that right now, Shawn, and I don't know if I'll ever be willing. I just—I need space. If you want to keep working for the chief that's fine. I don't expect you to give up something that you love doing, but I would rather if you didn't talk to me about anything outside of any potential cases that we might be working. Maybe, one day, I'll be able to forgive you. Maybe, I'll be able to give you another chance, but until then, Shawn. Just leave me be, please."

Shawn nodded, "Okay. Just know, Jules, that I'm holding you to your maybe and I'll wait for you. You're it for me. So I'm willing to wait as long as it takes." He sighed, running a hand over his head again, before making a move toward the door. It wasn't fixed, and he didn't know if it ever would be truly fixed, but it was a start in the right direction. He wouldn't give up. If it was the last thing he did, he would win his girl's heart again.


	26. When I Was Your Man

_Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now_

_Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same_

* * *

><p>Shawn tossed around for the hundredth time since climbing into bed that night. Gus had inevitably saved Shawn from one more night with Woody, which Shawn would be forever thankful for, but Gus' bed was different. It was lumpy … cold … and held the absence of someone very important. Someone, that it seemed difficult to sleep without. He knew that he looked horrible, but that would be the lack of sleep. His heart was broken in more ways than he could count, and it was no one's fault but his own. He chose to lie to Juliet, and in doing so, he chose to bear responsibility when the truth came tumbling out.<p>

Groaning, giving up on sleep for the time being, Shawn pulled himself up and switched on the stereo that sat beside his bed. Music always seemed to lull him to sleep when he was having difficulty. An eye-roll and moan escaped when the next song started up. It was _their_ song. The one that they had picked out after hours and hours of listening to music without stopping. A small smile crossed his lips as the memory overtook him. Just as clear today as it had been the day it had happened. Shawn fought against the tears, as he shut his eyes, listening to the song. It held a beautiful melody, it was soft and loving, just like Juliet, but the song didn't sound the same. He had fallen in love with that particular song the moment he heard it, but now all it did was cause his heart pain.

"_Shawn!" Juliet chuckled, as his fingers continued their assault on Juliet's sides. _

"_How dare you veto Don't You Forget About Me!" Shawn cried, "That's like vetoing Doritos as your favorite snack." _

_Juliet's eyebrows lifted slightly, and Shawn gasped. "It's not that I don't like it!" _

_Shawn huffed, his arms draped over his chest, as he pouted. "Which one?" _

_Juliet merely stared at him, confusion written on her features. "What are you talking about, Shawn?" _

_Sighing, Shawn shook his head, "Jules, Jules, Jules." Shawn clicked his tongue at her. "The song or the delicious brand of chips?" _

_Juliet chuckled. She hadn't thought Shawn had been quite so serious about the Doritos. "I guess both." _

"_What am I going to do with you?" Shawn asked quizzically. _

_Juliet leaned forward, "I can think of a few things." She licked her lips, "Besides, I'm getting tired of listening to music." _

_Shawn's mouth hung open, about to agree with her suggestion when a new song started to play. The moment he heard the beat of the song, he knew, this song had to be their song. Looking in her eyes, Shawn could see that Juliet was thinking the same thing. He reached out his hand, and helped her up. _

"_This is it." He spoke softly, whispering it against her cheek. _

_Juliet smiled, ready to dance with Shawn. It would be the first time that they had ever danced, even if he hadn't been able to take the dance classes with her, she still wanted nothing more than to dance with Shawn. _

"_Can I have this dance?" Juliet asked, as her eyes pleaded with Shawn. She knew how much he despised dancing. _

_He ran a hand through his hair before shrugging. "I thought you had other plans on your mind." _

_Juliet rolled her eyes. "We have _all _day, Shawn. Just one dance?" _

_He twitched on his feet, before shaking his head. "Maybe later? I'm really tired." He mumbled. _

_He saw her face deflate, but after a moment she smiled softly, before sitting back down. Her back against the couch with her feet stretched out in front of her. _

"_That's alright. Will you sit by me though? We can at least cuddle, right?" _

_Shawn grinned, "Well, Jules, as luck would have it, I am a world class cuddlier!" _

_Juliet laughed, as Shawn slid down beside her, before pulling Juliet into his arms. His eyes drifted closed as he felt whole for the first time in a very, very long time. He would do anything possible to not screw this relationship up. Not like his father had done with his mother, and not like he had done numerous times in the past. _

* * *

><p><em>When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down<em>

_'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name_

* * *

><p>Shawn awoke the next morning to someone pounding on the guest room door. Rubbing his fists against his eyes, Shawn pulled himself into a sitting position. Yawning, and stretching the kinks from his back, Shawn stood up.<p>

"Coming." He shouted when said person pounded on the door again.

He pulled the door open, and spotted a fully dressed Gus standing in front of him. He looked none too pleased. "Lassiter is here. He wants to talk to you."

Shawn's brow furrowed, as he ran a shaky hand over his face. He was hoping it was about a case, and not Juliet. Shawn had been avoiding being alone with the senior detective for this very reason. Clad in his pajama pants and a t-shirt, Shawn padded down the hallway and into the living.

"Spencer." Lassiter nodded curtly. "Mind if we sit down?"

Shawn fought the urge to groan, and merely nodded his head. He most definitely didn't trust his voice right now.

"I know we haven't had a chance to talk since … my wedding, and while I don't typically do these types of things..." Lassiter trailed off, as he ran a hand through his hair. Shawn could tell how uncomfortable the detective was, sitting before Shawn. "I just … O'Hara won't talk to me about it. What happened?"

Shawn's eyebrows shot up, "I figured of anyone, you would be most excited by our breakup. You never did want me dating her. This should be great news." Shawn spat out, even though as he stared at Lassiter, he just kept hearing her last name replayed over and over in his head.

"Look, I just want answers. I might not be your biggest fan, Spencer, but Juliet was happy when she was with you. Now … she's just miserable. I just thought, maybe I could help."

Shawn laughed mirthlessly at Lassiter, before standing up. He couldn't take this anymore. Any and all talk of Juliet was only causing the hurt in his chest to strengthen. "You've helped enough thank you. This whole situation is all your fault. Just remember that, Lassiter. Now, there is the door." Shawn turned his head, and waited until he heard the door click close behind the detective, before he allowed the tears to press against his eyes. A shake of his head, and one slid down his cheek.

* * *

><p><em>My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways<em>

_Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life_

* * *

><p>Shawn stood just inside the station, as he watched Juliet walk to her desk. With her back turned toward the entrance to the bullpen, Shawn quickly sauntered past her desk, and into the chief's office undetected. It was becoming almost impossible to avoid Juliet, as from when they were working a case. Like today, when Shawn actually made a decision against his better judgment. It was a conversation that he had with Gus a few weeks earlier that prompted the decision.<p>

"_I can't take this anymore, Gus. I have to see her!" Shawn sighed, as he slumped into his desk chair. _

_He had been doing fairly well at giving Juliet the space she had so asked for. Only seeing and communicating with her during cases was becoming more difficult as the days ticked by. He was reaching his tipping point, and he was damn well close to holding a radio over his head in the pouring rain all in the name of love, if it would only get her to talk to him. _

"_I know, Shawn, I know." _

_Shawn looked up at Gus, and saw it written all over Gus' face. That he was withholding information. Gus never withheld information from Shawn, unless it was really bad news. Swallowing thickly, Shawn worked up his nerve to ask Gus what it was that he wasn't telling Shawn. _

"_Alright, spill." Shawn spoke in a _don't think about lying to me _tone. _

_Gus ran a hand over the top of his head, and Shawn could tell that he was trying to think of something that was at the very most, a half truth. _

"_Spill it, Gus. I don't want to wait until I'm old and gray!" Shawn barked out. _

_Nodding his head, Gus sat down gingerly in his own desk chair. He tilted it so that he was looking directly at Shawn as he spoke. "Remember how you asked me to talk to Juliet for you a few days ago?" _

_Shawn nodded, "Yeah, you said you weren't comfortable with that, because Jules is your friend too." _

_Gus sighed, "Well, after you got pissed and stormed out, I had time to think on it. Yeah, Juliet is my friend too, but you were my friend way before Juliet ever came into the picture. So, I called her up, asked if I could have lunch with her sometime soon. The only day she had available was today." _

_Shawn merely stared at Gus, who for some reason found the ground to be the most impressive thing on the planet. "Okay." Shawn prompted. _

"_I point blank asked her why she continually was refusing to let you talk to her. To give you a second chance. I kind of wish I hadn't …" _

"_Oh for the love of God, Gus, spit it out already." Shawn spoke, frustration written on his features. _

"_She said that she wasn't sure that she loved you anymore. That now she has had some time apart, some distance, she realizes how selfish and self-righteous you are. How big your ego is and how needy you can be. She said that she isn't sure that she can ever fully trust you again. That you would have to make a big, grand gesture to win her back." _

It had taken him two and a half weeks to come up with this plan, but it was one that he felt was big enough to win back Juliet. That had been the only thing on his mind for the past two weeks, was winning back the woman he loved. Which was why he planned on walking into the chief's office and coming clean about his whole charade.

With purpose in his step, Shawn sits down in front of Chief Vick's desk, and plants his hands on his lap. Swallowing thickly, he works up his courage. It's now or never. "Chief, I haven't been a hundred percent honest with you."

The chief's eyebrows raise a few inches, as she cocks her head. "Please, explain."

"The whole psychic thing, with the finger to the head ..."

"Yes, Mr. Spencer." She interrupted, prompting him to skim over minor details.

"I haven't been exactly truthful with how I do that."

Karen shook her head, and held up a hand. "Let me stop you there, Mr. Spencer. You are walking a very, very thin line here. If you cross over it, there will be dire consequences. So, I must ask you to make sure that you are fully aware of the consequences of what you maybe about to share."

Shawn sighed, and nodded. "I've been fully aware of the consequences since day one, Chief. The thing is, Chief Vick … I'm not psychic. I have a photographic memory. I have the ability to pick up on the tiniest little hints that not everyone is trained to see. You've met my father, Chief, growing up with him, I was bound to have some sort of training pounded into my head. Attention to detail just seems to have been the training that stuck with me most."

Chief Vick ran a hand over her face. Shawn waited for her to yell, to demand him arrested on site. He expected many different things, but he wasn't expecting her to have already had it all figured out.

"I know that you're not psychic, Mr. Spencer. Do you honestly think I'm that gullible?"

Shawn merely shook his head, "No."

"Good. Now, if I take this public, there will be dire consequences that I will have no control over. Do you understand that, Mr. Spencer?" She waited until he shook his head. "Alright, your other choice is to walk back out that door, and pretend this conversation never happened."

Shawn shook his head. Truthfully, he was scared as hell to face the consequences, not because it meant jail time, but because it meant that every single person that he helped put away would be released. It meant that his father and Gus would be brought up on charges for aiding a criminal. Most importantly it meant that many, many more people would get away with murder if Shawn wasn't able to help the police. Every fiber in his being told him to listen to the chief, to walk back out her door and pretend that none of this had happened. Every fiber, except for the one that wanted nothing more than to have Juliet back. That tiny little fiber was louder than every other one, and it screamed at him to do whatever it took to win back the girl of his dreams.

"I wish it were that easy, Chief." Shawn sighed, "I know this is going to sound bad, like really, really bad, but the only reason I came clean with you is because this is my last ditch effort to win Juliet back."

Chief Vick merely stared at him as dawning clouded her appearance. "Juliet found out about your secret?"

Shawn nodded, "Sort of. She started to piece it together, and I couldn't stand the thought of lying to her anymore, so I came clean."

She nodded, "I'll speak to Detective O'Hara on your behalf, Mr. Spencer, but again I ask you to please just leave this office without further incident. As much as you might be willing to face down these consequences in the name of love, I am not quite as willing to lose you as my consultant. You're a valuable asset, Mr. Spencer."

Shawn nodded, "Will you at least tell her that I told you?"

Chief Vick merely shrugged, as Shawn stood up and walked back out the door.

* * *

><p><em>That I should have bought you flowers<em>

_And held your hand_

_Should have gave you all my hours_

_When I had the chance_

_Take you to every party_

_'Cause all you wanted to do was dance_

_Now my baby's dancing_

_But she's dancing with another man_

* * *

><p>It took Shawn a twenty minute phone call a week after his talk with Chief Vick for him to realize that he had lost Juliet. In that twenty minutes, the chief apologized for not being able to help him any better than she had. She repeatedly claimed to be sorry that his was in pain, and asked him if there was anything else that she could do.<p>

However, Shawn had stopped listening after the words _she has moved on_ left the chief's mouth. His heart had shattered all over again, as he realized that he had put far too much hope into his plan. In the moments after he hung up the phone with the chief, memories floated through his mind like still images. Pausing only long enough for him to spot his mistake. Before long he realized what Juliet had meant when she said that he was selfish and self-righteous.

How many times had he thought about getting her some flowers to lighten up her desk, but didn't want to make the extra effort because he'd have to give up his lunch of the day? How many times had she reached for his hand, but he pulled away, stashing his hand into his pocket? He couldn't count how many times she had called him to come over, but he made a lame excuse because he was playing video games with Gus. His worst mistake though, the one that he wished he could take back was when he refused to dance with her the night that they had found their song.

Sitting there, watching as his best friend twirls around the dance-floor with his new wife, it hits him even harder. Everything that he had, and everything that he missed out on. This, all of it, could have been his. If only he would have tried a little harder, and gave himself over to her a little more, than maybe the shock of the truth wouldn't have rocked her the way that it had. Maybe, if he would have been a better boyfriend … a better man, than maybe he wouldn't be stuck sitting in an uncomfortable wooden chair, while Juliet twirls around the dance-floor with her new boyfriend. The smile on her face, the laughter that escapes with each turn and dip. It's all he's ever wanted for her, and it's everything that he has never given her. He realizes that all of her unhappiness stemmed from him and the things that he has done. Yet, he can't seem to grasp the fact that he and Juliet are truly done, which leaves him with two options. One; He can flee town, leave Gus a message explaining how sorry he is, or two; he can man up, and tell Juliet all the things that he ever wanted to before it was really too late.

As Juliet and her boyfriend step off the dance floor, Shawn smiles softly at the two of them. His mouth opens to ask Juliet if they can talk for a moment, when a soft song starts drifting through the speakers. Without his approval, his eyes drift close as he takes in the all too familiar song. _A Thousand Years _will always be _their _song, no matter what.

"Care to dance?" Shawn asks. His voice says nonchalance, but the sweat forming on his forehead gives away his nervousness.

He can see in her eyes, that she is trying to find a way to say no. That she's looking for an out, and Shawn is almost ready to give her one when she suddenly nods her head, and grabs a hold of Shawn's hand. Instantly, Shawn glides her across the dance floor as if it was something he was born to do. He smiles down at her, as she stares up at him, shock registering on her face.

"How did you learn to dance like this?" She asks, hating how her voice breaks over the question.

"Oh silly, Jules. I've always known how to dance. My mom put me in lessons when I was a kid. I hated it, because it was lame at the time. I was embarrassed, that's why I never danced with you when you asked me too."

Juliet merely nodded, this new information taking a toll on her.

"I have something else to say, if that's alright?" Juliet peered up at him, and Shawn took that as a yes. "A couple of months ago, you talked to Gus …"

"He told you about that?" She asked, her eyes closed.

"Yeah, but don't get mad at him. I kept asking him to do it, because I needed to know what I needed to do to fix this … us. When he came back and told me what you said, I won't lie … it hurt, but it made me realize that you were right."

Juliet shook her head, "I was still angry when I said those things, Shawn. You're not selfish or self-righteous."

Shawn smiled softly as he nodded, "But I am. All the things that I didn't do for you … with you, all because I was simply doing something else at the time. All the canceled dates and the flowers I didn't send. I can't take any of that back, and I wish to hell I could, Jules. I wish that I could go back in time and be the man that you deserve. It took me awhile, but I realize now, that you're better off without me. I'm only going to hurt you, and the thought of me hurting you again breaks my heart. I'm glad that you found someone to love you, to dance with you in a way that I couldn't, because, Juliet, you deserve it."

Tears welled in her eyes as she leaned forward, her lips pressed against his ear while she spoke. "That's my blind date, Shawn. My mother set me up with him. He is boring and tells horrible jokes. So, from where I'm standing, between you and Greg, I am far better off with you."

As she pulled back, Shawn couldn't help himself, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. Suddenly the rush of feelings that he felt every single time their lips met, came rushing back to him. He knew in that instant that he would never, ever do anything to jeopardize their relationship again.


	27. Just A Kiss

_Lyin' here with you so close to me_

_It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe_

_Caught up in this moment_

_Caught up in your smile_

* * *

><p>The night air was cool and crisp. Shawn rolled over onto his side. A smile etched on his face as his hand reached out, his fingertips grazing against her cheek. The moonlight filtered in from the window behind their bed, casting her body in an soft, white light. It lit up her already beautiful features, defined her beauty in a whole different class. Her soft, blonde hair flowed out around her head, the moonlight shining against it, making it almost too bright to look at.<p>

Shawn trailed his fingertips along her jaw before dropping to her silky blonde locks. His fingers trailed through her hair, as he sighed in contentment. To say the road that they had traveled on had been an easy one, would be a lie. Though to be fair, most of their problems had stemmed from him. His fear of commitment … his fear that if he gave into his feelings for Juliet that he would only end up hurting her. The parade of boyfriends and girlfriends hadn't helped the situation at all, in fact, to have Juliet admit to her feelings for him and having to turn her down. It had shattered his heart into pieces to see her face fall into a deep cavern of sadness.

So many times Shawn had been certain that he had lost her forever. Not that he would blame her in the least bit, but then she was there and she was kissing him and it felt so right. The entire time they had been dating, it had been rough on him. He feared moving too quickly, too fast, and scaring her off. With that, came the fear of moving too slowly and losing her because their relationship wasn't going anywhere. He had never been in a relationship like this before. Never before had he ever had to _think _about what he wanted and needed to say or do.

Then Lassiter's wedding came, and a moment that was supposed to be happy had turned into a pit of despair for the two of them. Part of him wished to hell he hadn't given her his damn jacket. Yet, even as he thought it, he knew deep down that wasn't true. No matter the heartache that came from her finding out the truth, Shawn was eternally grateful that she did know the truth. He had been fairly certain that she would never forgive him. That she would never be able to trust him again, and then suddenly she was there.

"_Shawn..." Her voice was soft, a whisper. A few nights earlier she had made a mistake. She had a little too much wine, and she had fallen back into bed with Shawn. No matter how much she claimed it to be a mistake, she couldn't deny how _right _it felt. _

"_Look, Jules …" He sighed, as his hand cupped his chin. The bruise was already starting to form, and there was still a thin line of blood trickling down from his lip. "I don't know how I can apologize anymore. I don't know how else I can tell you how sorry I am about all of this. I guess, all I have left to say is that … if I had it to do all over again, I would much rather have Lassie put me in jail for a crime I didn't commit, than to have you look at me the way you have been. As much as I regret everything that's happened, I can't hate the actions that I took, because, Jules … those actions led me to you, and I will never regret that." _

_Juliet swallowed thickly, the tears pressing tightly against her closed eyelids. With the tiniest smile, Juliet opened her eyes, and stared at Shawn. She had come to tell him that she had forgiven him. That perhaps she had given up on their relationship far too easily. That maybe … just maybe, there was still something there after all. Walking in on the guy that was trying to rearrange Shawn's face had only off put her just a little bit. It had taken her a second, an extra moment to realize what she had come to say. He had just beaten her to the punch, and she was more than grateful that he had. _

_If she was being honest with herself, Juliet never would have believed that this side of Shawn even existed. Not if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. It was his true personality. Only reserved for those that he deemed worthy to see him for who he truly was. Everything else was an act, a mask that he had built into place long ago. Underneath the snarky and snappy fake psychic persona was a man that was still nursing a broken heart … a broken spirit. A man that had watched his happy little family fall apart. Watched as his mother walked out the door, leaving him with only his father to raise him further. Watched as his father had him arrested to teach him a lesson, and watched as his father disappeared in the mirror as he took off for the first time. _

"_Good." Juliet answered finally, "Because I will never regret loving you, Shawn Spencer. Never." She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. Her eyes drifted close as her arms wound around his neck, pulling him closer. "Just, don't ever lie to me again. Got it?" She asked. _

_He smiled goofily at her, "Got it." _

Shawn smiled softly at the memory. Their reunion had been a little over a year ago. A little over a year of Shawn putting in a very conscious effort. Of putting Juliet above everything else. Nothing else mattered, not after he had nearly lost her once. Six months ago, Shawn had dipped down on one knee, as cliché as it sounded, and asked Juliet to marry him.

Looking down at her left hand that was laying lightly against her pillow, he smiled. The thin golden band shined in the moonlight.

"What are you smiling at?" Juliet asked lazily. Her eyes were barely cracked open, as a lazy smile crossed her lips.

"I was just thinking how lucky I am to have someone as beautiful and sexy as you for a wife."

Juliet chuckled as she turned over onto her side, facing him. Her eyes opened a centimeter further, her blue eyes staring straight into Shawn's. "Damn right." She smirked. "I guess I'm pretty lucky too. To have a husband with such immaculate hair."

Shawn grinned, "Better than Patrick Dempsey?"

Juliet nodded softly, "Much better." She scooted over closer to Shawn, her head on his chest. She sighed, as the slow movement of his breathing lulled her back to sleep.

Shawn's eyes slowly started to drift close, as he felt Juliet's breathing evened back out. Oh yes, he was the luckiest guy in the world. He had won the lottery and received something far better than a money prize. He had received the love of his life.

* * *

><p><em>I've never opened up to anyone<em>

_So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms_

_We don't need to rush this_

_Let's just take it slow_

* * *

><p>Juliet smiles softly as she flips over the last pancake in the skillet. The plate beside the stove is heaping full with a stack of nine pancakes. On the kitchen table sat two plates, both brimming full with eggs, bacon, and four pieces of toast. It was only at the last minute that Juliet decided to cook up a few pancakes. Though, she knows that she'll never eat all the food littering her plate, she knows the same is not true for Shawn. In fact, she's pretty sure that he'll polish off the food on his plate and ask for the remaining food on her plate.<p>

At last, she removes the last pancake from the skillet and skillfully lays it on the semi-tall stack of pancakes. Carefully, Juliet carries the plate over to the table and sits it down, before moving to the refrigerator to retrieve the butter pecan flavored syrup and whipped cream.

She isn't entirely sure what has caused her to want to cook a full-fledged three course breakfast, but she smiles at her handy work. Though Shawn isn't a slouch in the kitchen, Juliet knows just how hard it can be to get her fiance to cook. Which forces them to eat take-out far more than Juliet would like. Perhaps that was what caused her sudden cooking spree. She was definitely sick of the same old take-out, and her stomach most definitely was sick of take-out. The mere fact that she had thrown up for two hours straight just a few days earlier was proof of that.

"Something smells delicious." Shawn's voice carries softly into the kitchen.

Juliet had been so stuck in her own thoughts that she hadn't even heard him shut off the shower. Smiling, Juliet moved to meet him at the cusp of the hallway. Her arms winding around his towel clad waist.

"Mmhmm. Aren't you glad that you're marrying someone that actually doesn't mind cooking?" Juliet asked, her eyebrow shooting up suspiciously.

Shawn chuckled, before placing a kiss to her forehead. "There are many, many reasons that I'm glad to be marrying you. You're cooking skills though, Miss O'Hara, are at the top of the heap."

Juliet smiled softly, "I hope you're hungry. I think I fixed enough food to feed an army."

Shawn shrugged, "When am I not hungry?"

Juliet nodded, "Right. Dumb question. Go get dressed while I finish getting everything on the table."

"Yes ma'am!" Shawn mock saluted her before dashing back down the hallway. As he reached the bedroom door he snatched off his towel and tossed it down the hallway toward Juliet.

She merely chuckled, her head shaking, as she went back to finishing setting the table. Juliet placed a fork and spoon beside both of their plates, before filling her glass with orange juice and Shawn's with milk. As she sat down at the table, awaiting Shawn's return, a smile etched on her face as she twirled her engagement ring. Never in her life would she ever be able to forget the day that Shawn had proposed to her. Not only had it been unexpected, which it was, but it had been the single most romantic thing he had ever done. After talking to Gus about it, she learned that Gus had pointed Shawn in the correct direction when he had thought about asking her to marry him before they had broken up.

"_So, Jules. This place holds a lot of memories." Shawn pointed out. _

_Juliet had noted that something seemed a bit off with Shawn the whole day. He had been nervous, a ball of flurry and energy. At least more energy than usual. It was one of the tell-tale signs when he was nervous. It only caused Juliet to become nervous and slightly worried. Was he going to break up with her? She had thought that their relationship had only grown, become stronger since they had gotten back together six months earlier. _

"_Yeah, I suppose it does, Shawn." Juliet answered as she looked out over the bridge. _

_It wasn't a lie either. That bridge really meant a lot to Juliet. Hell, Vancouver in general meant a lot to her. It was the first time that Shawn had really opened up to her. Shown her the Shawn Spencer deep inside. The one that he hides from almost everyone. It showed her the kind of man that he truly was, and it was the first place that she realized that she could really and truly love Shawn Spencer. _

"_That day, when I fought for you ..." Shawn paused, as he turned toward her. He grabbed hold of her hands tightly as he swallowed thickly. "when I told you that every since I met you, that I've been thinking about getting a car?" _

_Juliet bit her lip to keep from chuckling. She couldn't help it. Shawn had that same doe-eyed expression on his face that she had only seen a handful of times. She had seen Shawn scared before. In their line of work, with guns pointed at their heads, she had seen him scared. Seen him fight, and talk out of his ass until he won. However, she had only seen this side of scared from Shawn a handful of times. One of those times was one of her worst and best memories. When he finally opened up … when he finally told her the honest truth about himself. That wide eyed look was one that would be forever engrained in her mind, and it was starting to freak her out. He never got that look over anything spectacularly good. _

"_Yeah?" She prompted. _

"_I meant every single word of that speech, Jules. I have never loved anyone the way that I love you. It's like I'm not whole unless you're with me. That time we spent apart, it was the worst time of my life. I was miserable because I wasn't with you. I know it took me a long time to realize that I belong with you … and it took you a hile to realize that I would never willingly hurt you. Here we are, Jules. We're at this crossroad in our relationship. This place where I know that I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you … loving you … proving to you that I do deserve someone as amazing as you, and you know that I would never do anything to hurt you ever again. That I would do anything humanly possible to never have to see that level of betrayal on your face again..." He paused, running a shaky hand over his face. _

"_Shawn, what are you trying to say?" Juliet asked, a look of worry and confusion on her face. _

_Slowly, almost as if in slow motion, Shawn knelt down on one knee and smiled softly up at Juliet. "What I'm trying to say, Jules, is that I love you more than anything and anyone … even more than pineapple. Juliet, would you make me the single happiest man on the planet, and marry me?" _

_Juliet's mouth hung open, her mouth curved into an almost perfect "O" shape as his words truly sank in. "Yes! A thousand times, yes." Juliet cried, her voice full of surprise as Shawn stood up and placed the engagement ring on her finger, and softly kissed her lips. _

_The crowd that neither one of them had noticed, started to clap loudly. A few hollered loudly in congratulations. _

"What'cha thinking about?" Shawn asked, as he sat down across from Juliet.

"Oh, just the happiest day of my life … so far."

Shawn grinned, "Let me guess. It was last week, when we got pancakes with pineapple topping, right? Cause, I just … can't stop thinking about it."

Juliet chuckled, "You caught me, Shawn. I am just a pineapple loving fend."

Shawn nodded, "I knew there was a reason why I loved you."

After a few minutes of staring at each other, they both dug into their food. Juliet couldn't even put into logical words how happy she was, and she never thought that Shawn Spencer would be the one to make her so blissfully happy.

* * *

><p><em>Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight<em>

_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright_

_No I don't want to mess this thing up_

_I don't want to push too far_

_Just a shot in the dark that you just might_

_Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life_

_So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight_

* * *

><p>Juliet stared at her beautifully dressed chief, the woman would stand as Juliet's made of honor, and smiled softly. Juliet knew that she owed Karen Vick for a lot of the good things in her life. The sheer fact that Karen had stood out on a limb for a young rookie detective such as herself was more than enough for Juliet to be thankful for the remainder of her life. However, it was that action alone that had set Juliet down her current life path. It was that one action that had landed Juliet O'Hara, soon to be upgraded to senior detective, here … on her wedding day. Granted, Juliet would have given anything to have missed her current stereotype, but to say she wasn't happy would be a lie. Was it planned for her to be seven and a half months pregnant on her wedding day? Not at all, but Juliet couldn't be happier that she was already well on her way of starting a family with Shawn Spencer.<p>

"You look beautiful." Karen chirped softly.

No matter how much she might pretend to not be friends with the younger detective, Karen Vick very much thought of Juliet as a close friend. Though Karen was very protective of her entire squad of officers, she did notice that she continually stuck her neck out for Juliet and her soon to be husband, Shawn Spencer more than anyone else.

"Thanks, Chief."

Karen shook her head. If she was asked at a later date, she would deny that this ever happened, and she honestly didn't want Juliet to get in the habit of doing this, but today was special. Today was all about Juliet. Seven months pregnant and all.

"Today, Juliet, you can call me Karen."

Juliet smiled softly, "That's not right." She spoke softly, "You'll always be chief to me."

Karen smiled back at her young detective. It was in that moment why Karen had taken such a shining to Juliet, from practically day one. Juliet O'Hara reminded Karen Vick very much of a younger version of herself.

"Thank you. Now..." Karen drifted off, as she carefully tucked an errant strand of blonde curl behind Juliet's ear. "Let's go get you married."

Juliet's father, Frank, had been unreachable for months. When he finally did call her back, Juliet had already chosen the person who would walk her down the aisle. So on one side of her, stood Lloyd, her stepfather, and on the opposite side stood Shawn's father, Henry.

"I couldn't be happier to welcome you to the family, Juliet." Henry whispered softly, before pressing a soft kiss to the side of Juliet's head.

Tears formed in her eyes, as both men grabbed hold of her elbow and made their way toward the front door of the church. As much as Juliet had loved Shawn's proposal. As beautiful as it had been, she had to admit that today, the day she became Juliet Spencer was the best day of her life.


	28. In My Veins

**_A/N:_**So, I know you guys probably thought that I had long since given up on this story (I had too!) but I got a sudden burst of inspiration, and went with it. Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>Nothing goes as planned<em>

_Everything will break_

_People say goodbye_

_In their own special way_

* * *

><p>Shawn stared at the empty hallway that Juliet had just stormed down. The wine in her glass coated his face in a slick, flimy, wet way. The tears in his eyes burned as they slid down his cheeks. She was gone, and it was his fault. He knew that. He knew that he should have told her the truth when he had the chance. Hell, he could have told her hundreds of different times, in a hundred different ways in the amount of time that had gone by.<p>

Sure he had his reasons, but that didn't matter. Shawn grasped how Juliet felt. He understood where she was coming from. Had the shoe been on the other foot, he couldn't say he wouldn't have acted the exact same way. Did it make his chest hurt any less to understand? No, of course not. He loved Juliet, and not in just a _we've been dating for a while so I feel obligated _kind of way. He loved her in a _I have to be with her _kind of way.

"Shawn." Gus whispered as he approached.

Shawn barely remembered seeing Gus in the balcony when Juliet had stormed off, but he hadn't really processed the information. He jumped slightly at Gus' close proximity, before relaxing slightly.

"She's gone, Gus." Shawn whispered, trying to keep his voice as even as he could. There wasn't anything that Shawn hated worse than being vulnerable. Actually, scratch that, there was nothing that Shawn hated more than someone seeing him vulnerable.

"What happened?" Gus asked, skipping right over what Shawn had just muttered. Gus knew that Juliet was gone. He'd watched her leave. What Gus didn't know, was why she had left. The last he knew, the two of them were happy. They had just been dancing and flirting their way across the dance-floor.

Shawn turned his red-rimmed, tear-filled eyes on Gus, and let out a shuddering sigh. "She found out the truth."

Gus watched as the life literally drained from Shawn. His usually tanned face grew pale. His usually wide, expressive eyes drooped nearly closed. Shawn was exhausted, and not just from the fight that had happened with Juliet. Gus knew for a while now, that Shawn was growing further exhausted and exasperated at hiding the truth from Juliet. Shawn hadn't ever uttered a word about it, but Gus could see it in his eyes. He might be one of the best at hiding everything, including his feelings, but there was someone that Shawn couldn't hide anything from. Gus could read Shawn like a book, even if Shawn didn't want Gus too.

"Isn't that what you've been wanting?"

Shawn threw his hands up in frustration. "You're irritating, Gus. Can I not have some feelings to myself?" He shook his head, it wasn't Gus he was angry with. It was himself. Shawn knew that he had caused his own problems and it wasn't Gus' fault that he had screwed up the best thing that had happened to him. "Sorry." Shawn mumbled. "It's not your fault. It's mine. I should have opened up to Juliet sooner. I should have known this wouldn't have ended well."

Gus closed his eyes against the pressure building up in his own eyes. Sometimes, Gus really hated being a sympathetic crier, and right now was one of those times. Shawn needed someone to be strong for him, to help hold him up in his moment of need. "Did you explain it to her?"

Shawn shrugged, he was really tired all of a sudden and really just wanted to go home and sleep. The realization hit him as the words formed in his head. He didn't have a home to go to. His home was with Juliet. He had nowhere to go. Nowhere to stay. Tears flushed against his eyes, and at the moment he would have given anything to have been able to tear the damn things from their sockets. "Gus, can I stay with you … since I have nowhere else to stay?"

Realization rushed into Gus' eyes, as he shook his head. Like he would turn his best friend down right now. "Of course, Shawn. As long as you need."

"Thanks." Shawn's voice had grown monotone, as he shuffled off toward the exit.

* * *

><p><em>All that you rely on<em>

_And all that you can fake_

_Will leave you in the morning_

_But find you in the day_

* * *

><p>Juliet woke the next morning, the intense burning sensation in her chest was still front in center. Anger bubbled up inside her, as she realized that she felt like crying all over again. She didn't understand how there could be any tears left to cry. She was fairly certain that she had cried all the tears she had the night before. The thing that made her the angriest though? Was the fact that no matter how much she wanted to hate him, and she really, really wanted to hate him, she didn't.<p>

The whole saying, what a difference a day makes, only rang partially true for her. While with the light of a new day, Juliet was able to see things a little differently. She had do an emotionally draining run-through of her conversation with Shawn, more than once. While she realized how truly gifted Shawn was at lying, she had bought his lies – hook, line, and sinker, she could tell that he wasn't lying about how he felt about her.

Did that make her feeling any better about it all? Not really. Sure, it was nice to know that the past two years hadn't been a complete and total lie. It didn't change the fact that their relationship was formed on a lie, but not just any lie. It was a lie that could not only end up with Shawn in prison, but with Juliet losing her job. Obviously, she was going to keep his secret. No matter how angry … or not angry she was with Shawn, she would never want to see him in prison. That is, unless he actually did something wrong.

There was also the fact that she did believe that Lassiter had backed Shawn into a corner. She had seen it with her own eyes, just how menacing and coercing Lassiter could be when he tried really hard. Juliet honestly believed that Shawn did what he had to do to keep himself out of prison, but that didn't change the fact that he never told her. He just continued to lie to her. For seven damn years he had lied to her. Made her believe that he was psychic. She honestly felt like such a fool for believing him.

Her lips puckered up slightly, as a thought hit her. If he wasn't psychic then how in the hell was he able to know things that herself and Lassiter hadn't even figured out yet? She realized suddenly how truly talented and gifted Shawn was. Hell, he was good enough to be a cop – a detective. Then again, she knew that his police record was the only thing that stood between him and a badge.

Though she was certain that she wasn't anywhere near ready to do so, Juliet knew that she needed to see Shawn. If only, just to clear the air.

* * *

><p><em>Everything is dark<em>

_It's more than you can take_

_But you catch a glimpse of sun light_

_Shining, shining down on your face_

* * *

><p>Shawn wiped the remaining sleep from his eyes, before sitting up. His face contorted, as pain rippled through-out his back. His muscles were sore and bunched up from crashing on Gus' couch. Standing up, Shawn stretched out his sore muscles, before bending backward until he heard an audible crack.<p>

"Shawn, I've told you that isn't good on your back." Gus chastised him, as he sipped the rest of the coffee from his mug.

"Gus, it's the only thing that relieves the pressure. You know that." Shawn shrugged, "Besides, if it was going to hurt me, it would have done so by now."

Gus clicked his tongue at Shawn, "Well don't you come crying to me when you need to see a chiropractor for your back, Shawn."

Shawn rolled his eyes, "Wouldn't dream of it, Gussy." Shawn sighed at his half-hearted attempt, and noted that the attempt didn't slip past Gus either.

Tensing, Shawn waited for Gus to poke and prod at Shawn to spill his feelings, but when Gus simply shrugged his shoulders before slipping on his suit jacket, Shawn offered him a small smile. Shawn knew that he wasn't in the clear, far from it, but Gus was giving him a pass. Even Gus knew it was far too early in the morning to be spilling his emotions all over the place.

"If you need anything-" Gus paused, he knew he shouldn't finish the rest of his sentence. He could see all the idiotic things Shawn would and could call him for, but against his better judgment, Gus forced out the rest of his sentence. "Just give me a call, alright?"

Shawn merely shrugged half-heartedly, but Gus knew that Shawn had heard him loud and clear. In fact, Gus was fairly certain that Shawn was already plotting all the different ways he could talk Gus out of doing his job today.

Without a second glance, or another word, Gus slipped the door open and stepped outside. As soon as Shawn heard the door click close behind Gus, Shawn let out a shuddering sigh. It had taken every ounce of strength Shawn had to keep up the charade that everything was okay, and that what had happened the previous night wasn't bothering. Shawn knew that it shouldn't be bothering. Hell, in any other case, he would have already moved on to the next eligible … or even not eligible, woman. This time it was different, and Shawn had no idea how to fix what he had broken. Was it even fixable?

A light knock on the door tore Shawn from his internal reverie. He eyed the box of cereal that Shawn had pulled down in an effort to feed himself breakfast. Another knock sounded, and Shawn knew that breakfast would have to wait.

Walking carefully, Shawn figured that it was Gus. He either forgot something, or he had come back to force Shawn's feelings forward. Shawn sincerely prayed that it was option number one. Yanking the door open, with a retort already in mind, Shawn stood with his arm hanging loosely at his side. The retort died on his tongue, as he stared at a very disheveled Juliet.

"Uh-" Shawn blinked, realizing how utterly stupid he sounded, forced words from his mouth. "Come in."

Juliet offered a stiff nod, before walking past Shawn, and into Gus' small apartment. "We need to talk." She muttered before Shawn even had a chance to shut the door.

Well, there went the idea of burying any and all feelings until a later date. He turned around, not even trying to hide the sadness in his eyes, before he spoke. "Alright."

"Explain to me one thing, Shawn. How could you lie to me for seven years? How could you even think that was remotely okay?"

Shawn stood stiffly, trying to think of an answer that would suffice. Suddenly it clicked, and he knew the real reason why he hadn't told Juliet the truth. For the longest time Shawn had thought it was all selfish reasoning. To keep himself out of prison, but the reality hit him like a ton of bricks, and it felt like someone had hit him square in the stomach. "Because I couldn't stand the thought that you might lose your job – your career because of me. It didn't matter what you thought of me if you ever found out the truth, so long as you had plausible deniability."

Juliet took a step back, she looked like someone had slapped her in the face. Never once had Juliet thought that Shawn's reasoning was anything but selfish. She hadn't wanted to believe that he could be that selfish, but the thought had been there. Standing in front of him, hearing the words. It was like someone had gutted her right there. Her mouth bobbed open and closed a couple of times.

Shawn took the moment, to step forward, closer to Juliet. He was under no illusion that everything was okay, but he took the moment for what it was. She wasn't yelling, so she obviously wasn't angry. That didn't mean that he missed the hurt that shone in her eyes. Yet, he knew that he had to explain, at least he needed to explain better than he had the night before. He needed her to understand.

"Jules, please. Just, give me a another chance to explain. Please." Shawn could feel the familiar burning of tears pressing against the edge of his eyes. He let his eyes drift close, as he attempted to keep them at bay.

"Fine." She finally muttered, as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I never, ever meant to hurt you. That was never my goal." Shawn chuckled self-deprecatingly. "I never meant to fall in love with you either. It was never part of our plan. There was only one part to the plan. Don't get caught. Chief Vick promised me on day one that if I was lying that she wouldn't even hesitate to cuff me and send me to prison. Which, in reality is all fine and well. My lying is technically breaking the law – impeding a police investigation, not to mention all the prisoners that would be released because of my lying. I get it, and I know that I've earned nothing else, but the right to spend time in jail. If it was only my life – my career at risk, then Juliet I would have come clean right from the start." Shawn sighed, before continuing. "But it's not just my life we're talking about here. Gus and my dad, they would both be implemented on aiding and abetting a criminal. I won't let them pay for my mistakes. And yeah, I know what I did was stupid – but it's my cross to bear. They shouldn't be punished because I felt like I was backed into a corner."

Juliet swallowed thickly before speaking, "That doesn't explain one thing, Shawn. Why did you keep it up? You didn't have to start Psych. You didn't have to keep pretending."

Shawn shrugged, "My entire life, Jules, my father has been cramming stuff into my head. Stuff that would make me a great cop. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps, and for a long while I wanted the same thing. When I was younger, I looked up to my dad so much. I didn't tell him, but he was a hero in my eyes. Then my parents divorced, and I blamed him and his job for it. After that I hated anything to do with cops or police work. Anytime he'd try to do one of his training exercises with me, I'd just shut him out. I think he finally realized after a while that I wouldn't follow in his footsteps, that's the only reason that I can think why he would so willingly ruin my chances at actually becoming a cop. I hated him after that, I didn't understand how your own father could have you arrested. I guess when I helped Lassie and Vick solve that first case, I just loved the feeling I got. No matter how much I might have despised the thought of becoming a cop, I had found a way to do police work without having to sell my soul, at least that's what I thought. I had found a way to be what my father wanted me to be, but on my own terms."

Juliet sighed, but nodded. It made perfect sense, which pissed Juliet off even more. She wanted to be angry with him, to hate him … and she couldn't do it. Who could after hearing a story like that?

"Look, Jules. I'm not expecting you to forgive me. I'm not stupid. I just … I wanted to clear the air. I wanted you to understand why I started this lie. Why I keep doing it. I understand if you turn me in, and I understand if you don't want me to accept anymore cases from the station."

Juliet's head fell into her hands for a moment, before she looked up at him. It was the first time she really looked at him, and she realized how badly he was hurting. His hazel eyes, usually so full of life, were dull … almost lifeless. His usually immaculate hair was tousled in every single direction. The skin beneath his eyes was purplish from lack of sleep, and red-rimmed from what she could only assume had been caused by crying.

* * *

><p><em>Oh, you're in my veins<em>

_And I cannot get you out_

_Oh, you're all I taste_

_At night inside of my mouth_

* * *

><p>Juliet tried with everything within herself to stop her forward motion. Her head screamed at her to stop, that he would only hurt her again, but her heart kept her feet moving forward. All she could see was the pain in his eyes, and how desirable his lips looked when they were pouted out. Throwing out the rest of her caution, Juliet wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his lips down to hers. In that moment, she hated herself for giving into the temptation.<p>

She knew that she would pay for this, that Shawn would more than likely hurt her again. Though her brain kept screaming that her heart wouldn't be able to take anymore pain that Shawn Spencer caused, she couldn't deny how good it felt to his arms wound around her waist. The feel of his lips moving in sync with her own. The way his tongue dove between her pursed lips, and the way his tongue tasted, battling with her own for dominance.

Common sense be damned, she needed him just as badly as he needed her. It was like she craved his light, almost feathery touch. Still, she knew that he would think that this was her way of forgiving him, and she wasn't sure that forgiveness had been reached, at least not yet. Obviously they were on their way to mending, but they were still a long way from total forgiveness. Fighting against every ounce of herself that told her to mold her body to fit his, Juliet pulled back.

"Shawn." She whispered huskily, as she stared up into his hazel eyes. A tiny amount of the usual light that shone in his eyes had reappeared with her fevered kissing. Her heart skipped a beat, as the breath caught in her chest. They could talk about what this meant later. Right now, she just needed to be near him. Touching him. Kissing him. "Kiss me." She mumbled, before crashing her lips into his again.

It wasn't long before Shawn's mouth disappeared from her's, causing Juliet to whimper. His mouth moved to her jaw and down her neck. His hands slipped up underneath the shirt that she was wearing, as she brought his lips back up to her own. Before she pressed her lips against his, she made everything clear. "This doesn't mean that we're all better." She whispered, while eying him hungrily.

"Understood." Shawn answered, before gripping her waist and lifting her up.

Juliet's legs swung around Shawn's hips as he carried them toward the couch. It wasn't forgiveness, it was however a testament to how much they loved each other … how much they needed each other, and Shawn was fairly certain that he was well on the road to forgiveness.


End file.
